The President's brain really was missing
Dallas, Texas - A Kennedy Clan cloning factory took covert possession of JFK's brain soon after George Bush Junior and wingman Grassi Noel pumped it full of bullets on November 22 1963. And whatever presidential remains lie buried at Arlington Nat...
Read full storyLinesman hit by flare at Villa Park
Football took a turn back into the 1970s today when a pair of flared trousers were thrown at assistant referee David Bryan. West Midlands Police have arrested two men aged 25 and 47 over the incident. They were released on bail, and are expected t...
Read full storyYannick LeJacq has Rocky as a critic
While writing his article on video games technologies, Yannick LeJacq sounded like a dreaded bully and a best friend at the same time. Sylvester Stallone, also known as Rocky, was pissed off by Yannick's lack of sympathy. "I was reading an ar...
Read full storyAndros Townsend is the new Gareth Bale (says Daniel Levy)
Tottenham Hotspur today announced that England hero Andros Townsend has signed a new four year contract, trebling his wages from the minimum wage of £7.50 per hour. Manager Andre Villas-Boas and chairman Daniel Levy announced the deal today as th...
Read full story'Obama' Tells the Truth
President Barack O'Bama known to his Masonic brothers as "BOB the Builder" has made a surprise announcement. "We have decided unanimously to no longer pursue our New World Order plans. In the last 58 years since the end of the Second World War we have attacked at least one country a year and banjaxed many more internally. "We will no longer be doing that. We will no longer be supporting tot...
Read full storyRio Ferdinand and Roy Hodgson joins FA panel to improve football
England manager Roy Hodgson and former captain Rio Ferdinand have been appointed to the Football Association's commission to improve the state of the national game. A spokesman for the commission said the two had been brought in for their humour a...
Read full storyManchester United collapse leads to outbreak of humour
Comedy writers took to their computers in force this weekend to celebrate and mock Manchester United and their terrible form under new gaffer David Moyes. On twitter, @JohnNotTerry mocked up a pic of Moyes selling burgers in his new job. @Football...
Read full storyThe Judgement Of The Judges
This week one of Britain's top judges, Judge Peter Bowers, said that a perverts historical sex attacks on a teenager were just "water under the bridge". Gary Flynn was 16-18 when he forced a young woman to perform a sex act on him, however as Gary ha...
Read full storyConfusion as Manchester United fan reveals he lives in Manchester
The football world was thrown into turmoil for the second time in a week today when a Manchester United fan called a radio phone-in to discuss the clubs bad run of form. After the Roy Hodgson front page 'space monkey' story earlier in the week, ma...
Read full storyManchester United concede Premier League title to set sight on Europa League
Insiders at Manchester United have secretly conceded the Premier League title for this season - after just eight games. Following defeats to Liverpool at Anfield, West Brom at Old Trafford, and a disappointing home draw with Southampton, United dr...
Read full storySpurs Andros Townsend to go out on loan again before World Cup Finals
Andros Townsend has told Tottenham Hotspur boss Andre Villas-Boas he would like to go out on loan again before the World Cup Finals in Brazil next summer. Townsend followed his goal scoring debut against Montengro with another solid performance v...
Read full storyJose Mourinho considers quitting Chelsea to sit in stand and watch Chelsea
Jose Mourinho is seriously considering jacking in the job as Chelsea boss to sit in the stands permanently and watch the team. Mourinho was 'sent to the stands' for arguing with the referee over the away teams time-wasting during Saturdays 4-1 win...
Read full storyRoy Hodgson to take stand-up comedy lessons before World Cup Finals
Following the 'space monkey' gag that backfired at half-time in the vital England v Poland world cup qualifying gig, under pressure gaffer Woy, sorry Roy Hodgson is considering a comedy class to get him match fit for the World Cup in Brazil. The F...
Read full storyRussell Brand reveals past as West Ham football fanzine editor
Film star, comedian and former 'shagger of the year' Russell Brand has revealed he used to write, print and sell his own West Ham fanzine in the 1990s. In an interview to plug his 'Messiah Complex' tour, the question of his love of the Hammers was...
Read full storyNew Manchester United boss David Moyes and his problem with the 'F' word
Following another disappointing result at Old Trafford - the 1-1 draw with Southampton which left United eight points behind leaders Arsenal - new gaffer David Moyes has decided to stop mentioning the 'F' word. After the red devils failed to win a...
Read full storySources Confirm Katie Holmes Not "Hunting Foxxes" But "Picking Willows"
Insiders have revealed new developments in recent rumors surrounding Katie Holmes and her alleged romance with Actor Jamie Foxx. Katie Holmes stated publicly this week that "Jamie and I are close. He is a wonderful confidant and we have become g...
Read full storyDue To The TSA Upskirt Photo Scandal Female Passengers Are Urged To Wear Pants
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Transportation Safety Association trying to regain its credibility has fired the TSA agent who was taking upskirt photos of women passengers with his cell phone. A TSA spokesperson said that his agency promises that the inci...
Read full storyBetty White Says The Controversial Drugs Did Not Belong To Her
EL PASO - Actress Betty White was detained for a couple of hours by the United States customs agents in the port city of El Paso, Texas after crossing over from Juarez, Mexico. A representative with the U.S. Immigration Department stated that the...
Read full storyCrocodile Dundee Is Getting Divorced
NEW YORK CITY - Word has reached the Big Apple that the rugged actor who starred in the Crocodile Dundee movies is headed for Divorce City. Paul Hogan, 74, has just learned that his wife of 23 years, Linda Kozlowski, 54, wants out of their May-Dec...
Read full storyPortugal Announces It Is Abandoning It's Trip To The Moon Program Due To Low Funds
LISBON, Portugal - The Portuguese Space Agency has just made an announcement that it will not be sending two astronauts to the moon in January of 2014, as they had planned. A spokesperson for the PSA said that the space rocket and all of the suppl...
Read full storyChicharito Vacations Down In Cancun Without Cheryl Cole
CANCUN, Mexico - Soccer star Javier Hernández Balcázar, AKA Chicharito flew down to Cancun for a few days. When he arrived he was immediately asked where his British girlfriend Cheryl Cole was. He replied that she was in Manhattan filming a pantyh...
Read full storyHoney Boo Boo Tells Barbara Walters When She Grows Up She Wants To Be Just Like Miley Cyrus
NEW YORK CITY - Alana Thompson, better known as Honey Boo Boo, of the hit cable reality show Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, made an appearance on The View. The little 7-year-old told Barbara Walters that she has admired her ever since she was a little...
Read full storyMayoral "Don't Vote For Me" Plea
PORT MATILDA, PA -(AP) - A small town mayor in Pennsylvania missed the August deadline for taking his name off the ballot for an upcoming mayoral election. No one is running in opposition to him. The 70 year old man who is the current mayor is runn...
Read full storyAerosmith's Steven Tyler's New Track Inspired by Model
Steven Tyler recently met with a young "man", who is actually a female model posing as a male in print magazine ads. "I just found it so fascinating that I had to write a song about it," states Tyler, legendary front man for the band Aerosmith.
Read full storyCrackdown on Laser Pointers in Ocean City
Ocean City - Green-colored laser pointers have become recently popular, especially among youth. Reports state that vendor's on Ocean City's boardwalk have sold over 30,000 of the items over the summer. They have increasingly become a public nuisanc...
Read full storyNasal Warfare. Not to be Sneezed At.
Magazine "Hollywood Insiders" says the NOSE will be the media focus of body attention in the next decade. This is to prepare everybody for the planned lethal virus that will be spread by the sneeze. Nose awareness will ensure the disaster will not be too unexpected. 'Depopulation' so-called (or mass-extermination for the non-poetic among you) is the call. The ground has already been laid by...
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