The Judgement Of The Judges

Written by Backandtotheleft

Sunday, 20 October 2013


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Unless Your Doing It On British Justice

This week one of Britain's top judges, Judge Peter Bowers, said that a perverts historical sex attacks on a teenager were just "water under the bridge". Gary Flynn was 16-18 when he forced a young woman to perform a sex act on him, however as Gary had behaved himself (or at least not been caught) in the intervening years the Judge decided to let the little scamp off.

Judge Peter Bowers is of course the same man (term used very loosely) who told a burglar that what he does is "very courageous". After his latest landmark ruling Back and to the Left news decided to invite ourselves round to his house and conduct a basic intelligence test with the judge. We say "invite ourselves round to his house" we mean do the "courageous" thing and break in through his bathroom window and shout questions at him through his barricaded bedroom door.

The purpose of this interview/test was to discover if Judge Peter Bowers was in fact infected with a brain eating parasite or that his state of mind was similar to the rest of Britain's judges. We decided to ask him what his sentences would be for criminals being found guilty of the following crimes:

Judge Bowers how would you sentence a woman who stabbed another lady through the eye with a stiletto?

Well I would have to check what type of shoe it was, is it a designer label or a run of the mill working class Primark rip off? If it was the designer label I'd dismiss the case out of hand and order the victim to pay to have the shoe cleaned. However if it was a Primark one I'd get tough! I'd tell her to look her victim in the eye and say sorry. Then we can all be friends.

......A bloke who is found guilty of trying to blow up a hospital?

It shows extreme intelligence to create a working explosive device, the mechanisms are very complicated. I'd ask the offender if he is able to repair my watch and if he could he's obviously too valuable as a member of our society to jail so I'd sentence him to two hours community service. Fixing my watch.

.....two teenagers found guilty of mugging a old woman in broad daylight?

Were always coming down hard on kids. Saying they don't spend enough time outside and now you want me to lock away two of the, possible, stars of the future? I'd commend them for doing things in the community even if it was a little naughty.

....a newspaper reporter taking a shit in a Judges pillow case knowing that said Judge wouldn't find it for months and have to live with the smell of human faeces every time he goes to bed?

Which Judge?

At that point we pulled up our trousers and legged it.

It's a shame the great British justice system allows people like Judge Bowers to infect their establishment. He and his kind of yellow bellied, no back boned morons are one of the most disgusting features of a county gripped by the ECOHR and miles of red tape. We at BATTL news don't advocate violence but in the words of Judge Bowers we're sure it would be "heroic" if somebody throws a petrol bomb through his window.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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