Ray 'Alien Autopsy' Santilli commissioned to paint official Obama portrait
NASA HQ, Groom Lake, Nevada - In oils - crude if you like, sweet light crude. That's the remit of a $1 million commission to capture the presidential image on a 10' x 6' canvas, quarter-sawn walnut or Egyptian papyrus. And Ray the-alien-path...
Read full storyCross dresser with Alzheimer's Arrested
Jackie LaTour, aka Jackie LaTour, was arrested late on Tuesday, for creating a disturbance at the Cracker Barrel on North fourth street. He, was creating a disturbance inside the store. blocking the entrances to both the Women's and the Men's restroo...
Read full storyMoyes inherits Fergies watch!
David Moyes, new manager of Manchester United has a difficult task ahead, especially combing Wayne Rooney's hair without a hairdryer, but to make things easy for him, Sir Alex, has given him a special treat! David will inherit not only Sir Alex's...
Read full storyJoblessness could affect millions
With unemployment among the working classes reaching record levels, a similar problem could well permeate the upper classes. Increasing numbers of 'toffs' are worrying about 'joblessness' (which is a 'posh' word for 'unemployment'). And hundreds o...
Read full storyThe Quality Of Our Hippies Is Diminishing In America
I am writing this out of concern for the quality of hippies we have here in America at the moment. The other day I overheard a small group of alternative types in a natural food store discussing how they were going to fly around the U.S. this summer. Since when, I do ask, do hippies FLY other than when they have scored some particularly good dope? REAL hippies hitchhike or ride bikes or drive...
Read full storyFriday's 'Ring of Fire' solar eclipse will transit Pacific Ring of Fire seismic zone
Pacific Ocean - An annular eclipse in the Earth sign of Taurus will trace a path across the world's most volatile tectonic zone on Friday. Beginning around half-past midnight GMT the 'Ring of Fire' cakewalk will take in a notorious seismic quagmir...
Read full storyGronk Meets Mack the Knife
Like Typhoid Mary, Rob Gronkowski appears to be a walking infection. Next time you have an opportunity to kiss Gronk, you may want to walk away, better off unsatisfied. If you prefer to shake his hand, you may want to wear plastic gloves. Grant...
Read full storySir Alex Ferguson New Manchester City Manager
Sir Alex Ferguson, the outgoing manager of Premier League champions Manchester United, is to be unveiled later this week as the new manager of arch-rivals, and last year's champions, Manchester City. Sir Alex, 81, handed in his resignation letter...
Read full storyDemi Lovato Says She Has Really Missed Simon Cowell
LOS ANGELES - Demi Lovato says that she is thrilled that the man with the golden touch, AKA Simon Cowell has asked her to return for a second season on X-Factor. Lovato said that she has really missed Simon during the off-season and she is looking...
Read full storyChuck Lorre Explains The Reason Why Two and A Half Men's Angus T. Jones Was Not Fired
MARINA DEL REY - The creator, producer, and writer of the hit sit-com Two and A Half Men recently sat down and talked about his very popular show. Chuck Lorre, who survived the adversarial confrontation with the former star of the show Charlie She...
Read full storyLetters To iRumors (Minaj, Kim Jong Un, and Kanye & Kim)
The following are letters that were sent to Bacardi Cheyenne, editor with the Los Angeles-based iRumors News Agency. Not one word has been changed, omitted, deleted, amended, altered, or otherwise modified. Dear iRumors - Can you tell me what makes American Idol judge Nicki Minaj think that looking like a Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey clown is clever, cute, or attractive? I mean real...
Read full storyMadonna's Friends Are Worried About The Material Grandmother
MANHATTAN - Madonna is 54-years-old and a close source has revealed that she is having some trouble coping with the fact that she is no longer musically relevant. The Michigan native is very upset at the fact that she has not had a Top 40 song sin...
Read full storyCheryl Cole Announces That She and Chicharito Are An Item
NEW YORK CITY - Cheryl Cole, who is being touted to replace the fired Britney Spears on X-Factor, was in town shooting a lipstick commercial. She was asked by Bedroom Pillow Talk's Carolina Chipotle about joining Simon Cowell's X-Factor cast. C...
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