Letters To iRumors (Minaj, Kim Jong Un, and Kanye & Kim)

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 9 May 2013

image for Letters To iRumors (Minaj, Kim Jong Un, and Kanye & Kim)
The 13th floor of L.A.'s Fernando Valenzuela Office Building is home to The iRumors News Agency.

The following are letters that were sent to Bacardi Cheyenne, editor with the Los Angeles-based iRumors News Agency.

Not one word has been changed, omitted, deleted, amended, altered, or otherwise modified.

Dear iRumors - Can you tell me what makes American Idol judge Nicki Minaj think that looking like a Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey clown is clever, cute, or attractive? I mean really, the shrill-voiced scag has just about single-handedly ruined the show.
Pomeroy Pabstweiser
Joplin, Missouri

Dear Mr. Pabstweiser - Comedian Zydeco Dupree perhaps described Nicki Minaj best when he said that she has the irritating voice of Fran Drescher and the looks of an evil Disney cartoon character.
Bacardi Cheyenne - Editor
Los Angeles

Dear iRumors - What in the world is up with that Pillsbury Doughboy North Korean leader Kim Jong Oops. The chubby-faced fella is war-crazy and his dumb-looking hairdo is almost as bad as Donald "The Crybaby" Trump's for goodness sakes.
Malvina Grainquist
Indianapolis, Indiana

Dear Ms. Grainquist - First of all his real name is Kim Jong Un. And secondly he is a perfect example of a world leader who is so bad in the bedroom department that he has to present a male machismo personality in front of the entire world. Hitler, Mussolini, Hirohito, General Santa Ana, and Napoleon all had the same exact problem.
Bacardi Cheyenne - Editor
Los Angeles

Dear iRumors - Do you think that Kanye West is going to end up dumping his baby mama, Kim Kardashian?"
Elijah "The Bro" Miffsinger
Pensacola, Florida

Dear Mr. Miffsinger - Is Danny Devito short? Is Ann Coulter disgusting? and is Jenny McCarthy lasciviously lewd? Yes, yes, and oh hell yes.
Bacardi Cheyenne - Editor
Los Angeles

NOTE: Bacardi Cheyenne graduated from Left Coast College. He and his beautiful wife Cheyenne Cheyenne enjoy going out to comedy clubs including The Giggle Giggle Comedy Club in Cucamonga, The Ha Ha Ha Lounge in Santa Monica, and The Laughing Beaver Comedy Club in West Hollywood. They are both on the board of directors of The Tarzan & Jane Petting Zoo in Tarzana.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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