Supreme Court Rules Sex Organs Unconstitutional In Determining Sexual Orientation
BILLINGSGATE POST - In a 5-4 decision the Supreme Court overturned conventional sex theories held sacred since Adam and Eve discovered each other's interjoining plumbing in the Garden of Eden and ruled sex organs unconstitutional in determining sexua...
Read full storyMass deportations in the pipeline
The government is seriously cosidering the deportation of more than five million Britons of both Viking and Anglo Saxon Origin. "We need to make room for the next influx of honest hard working eastern europeans," said the prime minister at last ni...
Read full storyWayne Rooney confirmed with rabies in Montenegro!
Wayne Rooney has been diagnosed with rabies after foaming at the mouth during a training session before tonights very important game against Montenegro. A stray dog was warming up when it suddenly took a bit out of Rooney's rear end and thinking n...
Read full storyGod: "I'm Tired of Same Old Prayers"
In a written statement today, God said He's tired of the "same old prayers" and asks that people come up with some new ones. "If I hear that 'Now I lay me down to sleep,' chestnut one more time, I'm gonna gag," God wrote. On a side note, 67-yea...
Read full storyDanica Patrick Turns 31, Drives Entire Race With Turn Signal On
Race Driver Danica Patrick celebrated her 31st birthday Monday by winning the Daytona 241, a much shorter version of the Daytona 500, which was held last month. Unfortunately, said observers, Patrick drove the entire race with her left turn sign...
Read full storyDying Contortionist Actually Kisses His Ass Goodbye
For more than 40 years, Gideon Sunderfirk plied his trade as a circus contortionist, which made his recent death all the more memorable as he became the first human to ever kiss his own ass goodbye. "It was an extraordinary exit for an extraordi...
Read full storyBritain is like Narnia 'always Winter but never Christmas' says Palace astrologer
London - You can blame the House of Windsor's White Witch for the nuclear winter gripping the country a former stargazer to Princess Diana said today. But the 100 year glacial rule will end 'on Easter Sunday' to fulfill an ages old redemption pro...
Read full storyQueen Elizabeth Is Not Pleased With Kate's Baby Name Choices
LONDON - Reports coming out of Buckingham Palace state that Queen Elizabeth has expressed her displeasure at the names that her granddaughter-in-law, Kate Middleton has chosen for her and Prince William's baby-to-be. According to Brompton Boxgrove...
Read full storyCactus Enemas the latest Hollywood Craze
Fresh out of the beauty clinics of Hollywood is the latest beauty treatment that guarantees to tighten facial skin better than botox, put a spring in the step and reverse the visible signs of aging, including erectile dysfunction. "This really is...
Read full storyAmanda Knox: Italy has No Extradition Treaty with 160 Countries
Italy has extradition treaties with following countries: Argentina, Australia, Austria, The Bahamas, Bolivia, Brasil, Canada, Costa Rica, Cuba, Germany, Kenya, Lesotho, New Zealand, Paraguay, Peru, The Vatican, Singapore, Sri Lanka, The United States...
Read full storyAthletes Who Are Gay for Pay
Rumors circulate that an active gay player will come charging out of his closet in the NFL locker room. He cannot be penalized with a charging call because this is not the NHL. We presume that an active player may be more interesting than a passiv...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars: Country Girl Kellie Pickler And Disney Girl Zendaya Coleman Are Looking Fantabulous!
HOLLYWOOD - Right out of the Dancing With The Stars starting gate it looks like it is going to be a race between country singer Kellie Pickler, 26, and Disney starlet Zendaya Coleman, 16. Both gals are as sharp and as fast as a 2013 Lamborghini Mu...
Read full storyThe Charlotte Bobcats and The Orlando Magic Hoping To Keep From Being The Worst Team In The NBA
CHARLOTTE, North Carolina - The Charlotte Bobcats who have a 17-54 record and the Orlando Magic who have an 18-54 record are each trying their very best to keep away from the NBA cellar. Sports Balls Illustrated Daily has just announced that there...
Read full storyPaul McCartney, Clint Eastwood, and Selena Gomez To Appear On The Viagra View
NEW YORK CITY - The hosts of the new talk show The Viagra View, Regis Philbin and Larry King have announced that they have booked former Beatles Paul McCartney, Hollywood movie icon Clint Eastwood, and former Disney starlet Selena Gomez. Philbin,...
Read full storyArizona Diamondbacks Pitcher Daniel Hudson Hates His Baseball Trading Card
PHOENIX - Just about every Major League Baseball player has at one time or another stated that no matter how many records he sets the thrill of holding your very own baseball trading card in your hand is unbelievably awesome. But according to Herc...
Read full storyJesse James Takes Wife #4
LOS ANGELES - The man known as "Messy" Jesse James has just gotten married for the fourth time. And the lucky or perhaps unlucky new bride is 35-year-old drag racer Alexis "Tattoos" Dejoria, who just happens to be the daughter of a billionaire, hm...
Read full storyDonald Trump Predicts Omarosa Will Win This Year's Celebrity Apprentice
MANHATTAN - The latest member of All-Star Celebrity Apprentice to get fired is the very sexy Deal or No Deal model Claudia Jordan. The Rhode Island native clearly showed that just like La Toya Jackson who was eliminated last week, she is afraid of...
Read full story