Jesse James Takes Wife #4

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 26 March 2013

image for Jesse James Takes Wife #4
One of Jesse's wedding gifts to Alexis is a cat which she named Tattoo. (Photo by Jesse James).

LOS ANGELES - The man known as "Messy" Jesse James has just gotten married for the fourth time.

And the lucky or perhaps unlucky new bride is 35-year-old drag racer Alexis "Tattoos" Dejoria, who just happens to be the daughter of a billionaire, hmmmm.

Jesse, who is 43, told Tittle Tattle Tonight that he and Alexis have so much in common.

When asked by 3T's Pico de Gallo to elaborate, the infamous skirt chaser grinned and said that both he and his brand new bride have a mutual love for tattoos, motor racing, beer, tattoos, and tattoos.

Alexis has just a little less body art than Sandra Bullock's ex-husband Jesse The Wiener, as Chelsea Handler, Bruno Tonioli, and Barbara Walters all refer to him.

The motorcycle enthusiast once said that he would not have cheated on Sandy if she had only agreed to get three of nine tattoos.

When the new Mrs. Jesse James was asked what attracted her to Jesse she smiled, licked her lemon-flavored lollipop and replied that it was the funky way he wears his baseball cap with the flat brim which kind of gives him that nerdy type look.

The notorious womanizer was asked what first attracted him to Alexis. He put down his Lone Star longneck beer bottle and said that it was the fact that her daddy has billions of dollars.

The former motorcycle shop owner quickly caught himself and said that he was only kidding. He then said that he was attracted to Lexy because of her colorful, gorgeous looking tattoos and her beautifully shaped badonkadonk (caboose).

James then added that he also likes the way she pronounces words like motorcycle, oil change, clutch, and erogenous.

SIDENOTE: Pico de Gallo contacted Sandra Bullock and asked her if she had a message for her ex-husband and his new wife. Bullock simply said that she hopes that the two enjoy licking each other's nasty looking tattoos and predicts that lover boy will probably cheat on her within three months, maybe three and a half.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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