Argy Pope's link to the Nazis
Rome - A second son of Hitler's Foreign Secretary Joachim von Ribbentrop is sitting on the Throne of St Peters tonight after the Vatican rewrote Mein Kampf-fort zone demarcation lines of NATO history. Jorge Mario Bergoglio, 77, is Joseph Ratzinger...
Read full storyBedroom tax plans scrapped after the bedrooms at number 10 are counted
David Cameron has been left with a quandary tonight when he discovered that should his government charge people for having a room they don't use, that Downing Street would be eligible to be taxed. "It turns out that every government owned building...
Read full storyRodman and the Pope
The appearance of the new pontiff triggered the third roar from more than 100,000 people jammed into St. Peter's Square. Perhaps the loudest outburst coming when a rain soaked Dennis Rodman made his appearance. He indicated that Bergoglio was his ch...
Read full storyMan Jumped for Not Sharing His Weed to Celebrate Vatican's White Smoke Announcement
KILLEM COURT, Connecticut - Rodney McSausagefoot was beaten senseless in a parking lot of a Catholic church in Connecticut's Killem Court Projects for sparking up a joint filled with marijuana after hearing of the Vatican's announcement of a new Pope...
Read full storyNew Argentinean Pope Declares War on Falkland Islands
The new Argentinean Pope 'Jorge Bergolio Maradonna' has declared war on the Falkland Islanders by ex-communicating all 20,000 of the islanders at the stroke of a pen. In his inaugural speech from the balcony of the Vatican overlooking St Peters Squar...
Read full storyNew Pope will get our Falkland Islands back says Argie President
Buenos Aires - "Ha ha, take that you feckless, lying, land-grab Brits," President Cristina Kirchner chuckled tonight, "with his awesome supernatural powers the new Argentine Pope will win back the Malvinas for us." Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio,...
Read full storyDonald Trump to Build Artificial Real Estate Lawyer
Donald Trump, the celebrity real-estate magnate, is embarking on a legal enterprise that will revolutionize the efficiency of his Real Estate business dealings. He will be creating an Artificial Real Estate Lawyer that will help him expand his financ...
Read full storyTribal Group Sues the Vatican Over Smoke Signal Rights
Cheyenne, Wyoming -- The Tribal Gathering Is taking the Catholic Church to court over its use of smoke signals to announce papal election results. "Just because you know how to build a fire doesn't mean you can steal our proven communications tech...
Read full storyDetroit Visitors' Bureau Hires Team to Erase Chalk Body Outlines
The Detroit Visitors' Bureau announced yesterday they have hired a five-person crew to erase murder victim chalk outlines around the city. "We had nearly 350 murders last year and everywhere you went, there were chalk outlines. The cops don't b...
Read full storyPlot to seat Miss Israel next to Barack Obama gets the elbow from Michelle
Washington - Next Thursday's Israeli state dinner was to have seen stunning 21 year-old Ethiopian-born Miss Israel Yityish 'Titi' Aynaw seated right next President Obama. The country's first black Miss Israel had been described as an internationa...
Read full storyBMW 335i Arrested For Turning Its Driver Into An Asshole
Highway patrol officers today arrested a red BMW 335i sedan today after they say the car turned its owner into an asshole. Officers impounded the car and the district attorney is expected to file charges against it next week. "During our invest...
Read full storyTheresa May On Mutiny Maneuvres For Tory Leadership
Head girl, Theresa May, has shown naked ambition in setting her sights on the Tory leadership. The 'kitten heeled' babe has gone into Servilan mode and is heading a coup to replace 'flagging' Cameron who is appearing for and more 'battle fatigued'.
Read full storyIsle of Wight News - A3054 to have the potholes filled
The Isle of Wight Council have announced plans to finally solve the problems with the A3054 Queens Road between Ryde and Newport. "Since the bad winter of 1963," said Councillor David Pugh, "we've suffered with pot holes on this busy main road. We...
Read full storyOutgoing Chief Rabbi offers to be new Pope
The outgoing Chief Rabbi of the UK, Lord Dr Jonathan Sachs, has made a magnanimous offer to the College of Cardinals in the Vatican by offering to become the new Pope. His office said that he made the offer for a number of reasons, some practical...
Read full storyMichael Vick's New Book: Unsigned and Not Free
One of the 21st century literary lights, Michael Vick, may be facing public scorn for writing another book. We presume he actually wrote it for sake of argument. His detractors would tell you he is an illiterate Neanderthal. Finally Free appare...
Read full storyPink Smoke At The Vatican
The crowds awaiting news of the new Pope at the Vatican were surprised by Pink Smoke billowing from the chimney, indicating a new Pope had been elected. The little known Cardinalanus, Australian Cardinalanus Shane Straightup appeared to give his b...
Read full storyObese Tourists Breathe Sigh Of Relief As New York Soda Ban Lifted
24 hours before a ban was set to go into effect in New York City, a state justice has blocked Mayor Michael Bloomberg's controversial regulation curtailing the sale of sodas and other sugary beverages over 16 ounces resulting in a sigh of relief by m...
Read full storyWeed Smoking Cardinals Get High To Pick New Pope
All eyes will be peeled on the chimney of the Sistine Chapel on Wednesday as the Roman Catholic cardinals tasked with electing the next pope convene for a second day of unadulterated pot smoking. The 115 voting eligible church leaders will return...
Read full storyThe Houston Astros Decide Not To Change Their Name After All
HOUSTON - The owner of the Houston Astros, Drayton McLane, Jr., has assured the Houston fans that contrary to what the rumor mills have been churning out, he has decided not to change the team's name. Sporting Chance Magazine had reported that sev...
Read full storyGerard Butler Did Not Recall Vavavooming With Brandi Glanville
LOS ANGELES - Brandi Glanville, 40, one of the stars of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, has been bragging about having gone to bed with movie star Gerard Butler. But the funny thing is that Butler recently told Whoopi Goldberg on The View t...
Read full storyColorado Now Allows Gay and Lesbian Couples To Marry While Smoking Pot At Their Wedding
DENVER - In an unprecedented move that no doubt will resonate with chants of 'How about us?' in the Left Coast state of California, the Colorado senate has just passed a law approving same sex-marriages. State spokesperson Sterling P. Tiggletucker...
Read full storyElin Nordegren Rejects Tiger Wood's Marriage Proposal
NORTH PALM BEACH, Florida - Elin Nordegren has said that she does not care to play a second round of having her husband cheat on her with starstruck blonde bimbo's. The former Mrs. Tiger Woods told Hollywood Innuendo that she is quite content with...
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