Michael Vick's New Book: Unsigned and Not Free

Funny story written by Ossurworld

Wednesday, 13 March 2013

One of the 21st century literary lights, Michael Vick, may be facing public scorn for writing another book.

We presume he actually wrote it for sake of argument. His detractors would tell you he is an illiterate Neanderthal.

Finally Free apparently revels in Vick's reclamation and his conversion from the terrors of dog torture to the hero of the dog-earred tome. The book is not free, and neither is Mr. Vick if reports hold true.

His book signing tour has hit a bump in the road.

Irate readers have sent threats and other bon mots to Barnes and Noble bookstores that decided to protect their employees from becoming collateral damage in the crossfire. They have canceled his appearances.

Mr. Vick will not be exercising free speech at B&N.

Though this seems an unfair prevention of Vick's right to be a free American finally, dog lovers are a breed apart. They have not forgiven the Eagle QB for his transgressions. It presumably means that Vick is not finally free of guilt in the court of public opinion.

We suspect that this literary skirmish will not rival that of Lady Chatterly's Lover, Ulysses, or even Tropic of Capricorn from a century ago.

Michael Vick is not freeing the transgendered and not advocating for outlaw of guns. He is celebrating coming out of a sadomasochistic crime and still making millions of dollars from an adoring public.

If the protests centered on his arrogance and putative reformed character, we would feel more like laughing.

At this point a signed book by Michael Vick may be an endangered species, and thereby goes the proof that he is actually literate.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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