Anglia Water admits it has nothing to do
Anglia Water bosses today admitted its staff have nothing to do and could end up introducing a hosepipe ban just for the sake of it. We will also send out some bills which are higher then usual to keep our complaints department busy. A custom...
Read full storyQueen Elizabeth's Nixon Centenary seance bombs
Sandringham, Norfolk - Some Tricky Dicky-shaped hexoplasm has blown the knickers off Queen Elizabeth during an eve-of-centenary seance at Sandringham's Aleister Crowley Memorial Wing. The Nixon apparition materialized following a ouija board messa...
Read full storyDavid Bowie covers Clive Dunn classic; "Grandad"!
The pop, entertainment world is flabbergasted because after a 10 year break ageing superstar, David Bowie, has released a brand new single to celebrate his 66th birthday and he was worried that the world had forgot him and he had forgot the world.
Read full storyRondo's James Dean Act is a Giant Rebel Heading Out of Eden
Rajon Rondo suspends disbelief. If Houdini could suspend himself in midair to escape from the most intricate of strait-jackets and chains, you would be fairly certain to believe that Rondo can escape suspension by the NBA. You would likely be w...
Read full storyTaylor Swift and Harry Styles Call It Quits
NASHVILLE - Taylor Swift, 23, was back in Nashville after spending a few days with (now) ex-boyfriend Harry Styles, 18, of the band One Direction down in Virgin Gorda, or as the locals call it The Fat Virgin. By all accounts the musical couple, wh...
Read full storyFormer Eagles Coach Andy Reid is Danny Ozark With Bigger Tits
Andy Reid is (former Phillies Manager) Danny Ozark with a different-shaped ball. And huge, pendulous boobs. I am So SICK of hearing that Andy Reid is the winningest coach in Eagles' history. That speaks more to longevity than accomplishment. Fred Bruney has a perfect winning record as Eagles coach, he never lost a game. Want him back? Rich Kotite has a better post-season win/loss record...
Read full storyPhobio-klepto-kakisto-theocracy
Lord Acton said: "Power tends to corrupt and absolute power corrupts absolutely." Additionally, we are told that many dictators are surrounded by men of low mentality, and, finally, dictators always shut down free speech and free press. A friend living in a dangerous country sent me an email which prompted this story. First part of the email says that he, the friend, goes to a super market that...
Read full storyBritain's Oldest Woman in fear of her life
Emily Harrison, Britain's oldest woman has contacted police, afraid for her life. "She believes that Maggie Davies of Kings Close in Dorking is gunning for her, in order to take the title of oldest woman in Britain for herself," said Detective Ins...
Read full storyCarmelo Anthony's Soliloquy on Kevin Garnett
Last night after the game Carmelo Anthony stood over the dead carcass of the New York Knicks and cursed Brutus Garnett. Unlike Marc Antony, Carmelo took it a step further. He went to the doors of the Celtics locker room at Madison Square Garden an...
Read full story'Deal or No Deal' Banker becomes Pranker
Audience members of 'Deal or No Deal' are reporting that they witnessed an incredible sight on one of the recent episodes which will likely never be aired. It seems that during the episode, the 'banker' made one of the traditional phone calls to t...
Read full storyTom Daley approached by PM over success of Splash
Following the overwhelmingly positive public reaction to his new TV Show, Splash, Tom Daley has apparently been approached by the Prime Minister to work for the Government. Like the rest of the country, David Cameron was left feeling uplifted af...
Read full storyKate Moss to sue Kate Winslet
The model Kate Moss is to sue the actress Kate Winslet after the 'Titanic' star followed her husband in placing a copy write on her new legal name Kate Rocknroll. Winslet married the Virgin Galactic boss who is a nephew of Sir Richard Branson just...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan's Inaction Threatens U.S. Economy
For the last three days straight Lindsay Lohan did nothing bad. She didn't threaten her own freedom by lying, stealing or driving while under the influence. She was low key. Wall Street Investors and Las Vegas book makers were shocked and appalle...
Read full storyThe Lakers Are Hit With Injuries: If Kobe Gets Hurt - They're The Washington Wizards
LOS ANGELES - The word on the streets of LaLaLand is that a disgruntled ex-Laker player went down to Lake Charles, Louisiana, and paid the world's most infamous voodoo woman Lottie Jo Lafayette to put a magic curse on the Lakers. And apparently it...
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