Carmelo Anthony's Soliloquy on Kevin Garnett

Funny story written by Ossurworld

Tuesday, 8 January 2013

Last night after the game Carmelo Anthony stood over the dead carcass of the New York Knicks and cursed Brutus Garnett.

Unlike Marc Antony, Carmelo took it a step further. He went to the doors of the Celtics locker room at Madison Square Garden and howled at the Moon. Carmelo ranted and raved.

Garnett did not open the window and let the yonder light break over Carmelo. As a result, Carmelo went to the Celtics bus and looked for a fight. He had to be restrained by Knicks coach Mike Woodson who led the babbling maniac away.

We have a transcript of what Carmelo spoke at both locations, and as a service to Knicks fans, we present it herewith:

"Fans, Celtics, bullies, Garnett, listen to me, you fools. I come not to bury the game for we have three more left before playoffs.
I come to bury Kevin Garnett, not praise him. The evil that man does lives after the game. The good is oft interred with the box score. So, let it be for the Knicks.

"The noble KG tells me that I am too ambitious. If true, it's a grievious fault, and grieviously I have answered it by blowing the game.

"Kevin Garnett is an honorable man. He is not my friend and he was mean to me. Kevin Garnett uses foul language.

"I thrice presented him with elbows to the chin, and thrice he returned the favor. Yet, the officials called a double technical and blamed me. Yes, sure, KG is an honorable man who knows how to win.

"Oh, fans, your judgment favors a brutish beast. It has caused me to lose my reason. Bear with me. My heart is in the loss column, and shouting like a madman helps me recover."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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