Jim Nabors "Gomer Pyle" Marries A Guy - Shazam!
SEATTLE - Jim Nabors, 82, and Stan Cadwallader, 64, were both as happy as a wolf at a sheep party. The groom and groom exchanged vows in Seattle after a 38 year courtship and quickly returned back to their home in Honolulu, Hawaii for the honeymoo...
Read full storyAshley Judd and Indy Winner Dario Franchitti's Marriage Skids Out of Control
CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - Three time Indianapolis 500 winner Dario Franchitti flew down to Cabo San Lucas, to get away from the horde of reporters who have been hounding him and his wife Ashley Judd since they announced that they are ending their marr...
Read full storyPsychic who communicates with dead people says many of them are unhappy and want to come back
Wilmont Peters is a psychic who claims to have the ability to talk with dead people. And Peters says some of the deceased tell him they are unhappy with the afterlife and would like to come back. "A lot of them are pissed off. They were led to...
Read full storyFood Network Excited by Tyler Seguin Incident at Bruins-Devils Game
As the puck went flying into the net with the amazing penalty shot by Tyler Seguin, something else went flying past the net. Johan Hedberg was in the net for the Devils, and it might have looked like a head of iceberg lettuce to him. It went skipp...
Read full storyLeader of Killing Cats in US is reincarnated Pol Pot
Cats are killing millions of animals in the US and their leader is actually ex-Khmer Rouge leader, Pol Pot, infamous for butchering millions in the Killing Fields. The FBI, CIA, police, RSPCA and scientists are attempting to track down Top Cat, Po...
Read full storyCowell: "It's a no brainer"
X Factor Overlord Simon Cowell has finally broken his silence on Louis Walsh's controversial brain implant with characteristically blunt analysis. "Even with the brain of a hamster," mocked the Overlord, "Louis couldn't manage a band of teenage roden...
Read full storyRush Limbaugh Denies The Gay Rumors
SAN FRANCISCO - Conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh was in The City By The Bay taking a tour of the long abandoned Alcatraz Federal Prison. Limbaugh has always been fascinated by the island prison that housed such infamous inmates as A...
Read full storyMasturbatorium To Close
A room which has become known to his friends as The Wanking Palace, has been designated 'Out of Bounds' by the parents of Clark Dylson, a juvenile in one of the South African capitals, Cape Town. Dylson, an habitual masturbator, regularly retires...
Read full storyDoctor looked at patient's flies on packed train
A hospital doctor could lose her job after she stared at the partly-open flies of a male patient sitting opposite her on a packed train. Dr Ava Peek was disciplined after the patient, Ivor Beegun, complained to the Head of NHS Vigilance and Ancill...
Read full storyBoston Celtics Succumb to the Rondo Virus
A plague on the Celtics' house has commenced. Even with Rajon Rondo out of the picture for the foreseeable future with a torn ACL, his reach extends from beyond the hospital morgue. Rondo has the True Blood, and he has left the team bloodless.
Read full storyNot ALL Cats Killing Billions Of Animals Claims Baltimore Man
Recent reports that cats are one of the top threats to US wildlife, killing billions of animals each year, have been dismissed as "utter crap" by Baltimore man Brendan Packham. Researchers had estimated that cats are responsible for the deaths of...
Read full storyTrump: I have new evidence in JonBenet Ramsey case.
Donald Trump today made an astonishing claim today that President Barack Obama was behind the murder of child beauty queen JonBenet Ramsey in 1991. Trump who has spent most of the last five years attempting to prove that Obama was born in Kenya sa...
Read full storyFIFA To Ban Flares At All Soccer Games
FIFA, the World governing body of soccer, announced today an immediate ban on flares at all World Cup matches, stating the ban was long overdue. With the 2014 World Cup set to be staged in Brazil many see the ban as not only ensuring a safer envir...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan's Lawyer: "That's It, I Quit - Lohan The Flake Is On Her Own"
LOS ANGELES - Shawn Holley, who was up until this week, Lindsay Lohan's lawyer, has got to be one of the most patient women in the entire United States. Holley has tried her best to help the little, misguided Hollywood rich girl, but all to no ava...
Read full story49ers Randy Moss Almost Hurts His Arm Patting Himself On His Back
NEW ORLEANS - San Francisco 49ers wide receiver Randy Moss was sitting around in the locker room after practice and answered about 70 questions. The questions ran the gamut regarding everything from what he had for breakfast, to what is his favori...
Read full storyA Woman in Arizona Falls In Love With A Robot
PHOENIX - USA DAYBREAK is reporting one of the strangest love relationships in recent memory. It appears that Tendra Jo Blockbocker, 37, who is a waitress at the Pompous Pizza Parlor in Phoenix, has fallen head-over-heals in love with a mechanical...
Read full storyAmendment A**hole Almost Upends The Constitution
Welcome dear readers as we take a trip through time back to when our forefathers were writing that fateful and world famous bit of legislation so beloved and contested over in our time, the Amendments to the Constitution of the United States of America, otherwise known as the Bill of Rights. We hover now above them, fully able to see and hear all that transpires below: An assembled mass of var...
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