Seedy billionaire online poker magnate's $25million ante-up in Ecuador racketeering lawsuit will bomb says ex-partner
New York - "I heard they kicked him out of Gamblers Anonymous for that $25million Donziger punt," former investor Arurag Dikshit (No kidding!) said today just as his onetime Californian business partner, the billionaire online gambling tycoon Russ De...
Read full storyThe Latest Trend: Forget Tattoos, Piercings! Now It's Crescent Blades Feet
It seems that a new trend is coming into it's own as youth are quickly bored and want everyone to know how different they are! "Now they are cutting off their feet!", says surgeon. "Either we do it right or they get some hack who doesn't so we go...
Read full storySpanish border guards kill Santa Claus for not declaring food for reindeer
Spain punishes Gibraltar yet again for being Gibraltar. Santa and his reindeer and presents were made to queue on foot through the Spanish- Gibraltar border for 7 hours in a force 11 hurricane to punish Spanish and Gibraltar children for Santa's eff...
Read full storyPresident Putin Gives Edward Snowden An Amazing Christmas Gift
MOSCOW - When Russian President Vladimir Putin granted asylum to National Security Agency whistleblower Edward Snowden he knew that it would be a move that would be extremely beneficial to Russia. And the Russian president was right on the money,...
Read full storyKim Jong Un Makes Dennis Rodman A Very Nice Offer
PYONGYANG, North Korea - North Korea's national news agency, The Rice Paddy is reporting that Kim Jong Un has informed former NBA player Dennis Rodman that he would like for him to be his personal bodyguard. Kim Jong Un and Dennis Rodman have beco...
Read full storyGenesis 2: The Duck Dynasty Family Bible
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him someone to hang out with. And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them. Adam didn't call them anything, but instead began to shoot them. God shook his head and rolled his eyes. And the LORD God go...
Read full storyF-35 Shoots Down Santa; U.S. Military Culture May Change
As reported in this space a few days ago, NORAD - who tracks the progress of Santa Claus -- almost killed the white-bearded jolly man. Santa, his sleigh and reindeer were on a trial run over the North Pole when they were mistaken for an incoming mi...
Read full storyPresident in Hawaii Surprised By Many Gifts From Target Sent to Family There
"This is remarkable", stated Michelle Obama and her daughters agreed. "I guess the American people appreciate us after all." The First Lady was talking about all the great gifts, over 4000 at the last count, they have received from ordinary citize...
Read full storyLong John Silver's To Introduce The Piranha Sandwich
LOUISVILLE, Kentucky - The Long John Silver's Corporation is getting ready to introduce what is perhaps its most interesting menu item in its 45 year history. Elmendorf Butterbox, a representative for the fish restaurant chain stated that the Pira...
Read full storyMatt Lauer: For The One Millionth Time, Ann Curry Is Not Pregnant With My Child!
NEW YORK CITY - Today Show host Matt Lauer says that he is getting very tired of having to state everyday that he did not get Ann Curry pregnant. Lauer speaking with Ling Chow Rangoon of iRumors at the trendy Cafe La French Fry said that just the...
Read full storyBen & Jerry's Fires Spokeswoman LeAnn Rimes and Hires Christina Aguilera
BURLINGTON, Vermont - Millard Cypress, a spokesperson for Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream has just announced that they have terminated LeAnn Rimes' contract as the ice cream spokeswoman. Cypress stated that the reason why they decided to let Ms. Rimes...
Read full storyBritney Spears Says Lady Gaga Has Turned Into Plain Vanilla
NEW ORLEANS - Britney Spears performed at The Voodoo Arena and afterwards spoke to Tahiti Zeppelin with Hollywood Hors D'oeuvres. The "Oops!...I Did It Again" singer said that she recently saw Lady Gaga perform on The Voice finale show with Christ...
Read full storyMassachusetts Police Stop Obamacare Heroin!
Massachusetts state police say they've stopped a car carrying 1,250 packets of heroin stamped "Obamacare" and "Kurt Cobain" and arrested the four people inside the car. They sometimes use numbers to show grade of Heroin but we have never seen anyt...
Read full storyGay Couple About to Divorce Over In-Laws!
Ronald House says that he and his married partner, John Eberton are probably going to get a divorce. "It's his nosy mother Sarah, she has spoiled him rotten and now she expects me to do the same thing. She didn't want us to get married in the firs...
Read full storyOil Companies Have Skewered Idea Of The Spirit Of Christmas
Oil companies, some of the wealthiest entities on earth, have somehow a skewered idea of what Christmas is supposed to be about. This is due to their RAISING the price of gasoline for the holiday week instead of in the spirit of Christmas lowering i...
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