My Cellphone's Demand: "I Want a Selfie"
Sam, my cellphone, hadn't been working well lately, and now I know why. Blurred photos and bad connections had become routine. I complained about this in a phone call to my friend the other day. A few minutes later, I got a text message FROM my cellphone. Yep, you read that right. All text messages go through the cellphone of course, but this one was FROM Sam, my cellphone. Here's what...
Read full storyIran's Monkey Illusion Trick not as good as David Copperfield's Tiger Trick
Iran's attempt to become the Las Vegas of the east is not impressive, said Charles Dickens's David Copperfield this morning. "The 150 trillion Iranian Rial "different monkey illusion" is, to be brutally honest fucking boring, said Paul Dalziel and De...
Read full storyHorrible, Dreaded Disease Afflicts NBC Newsman On Show
On Today's Meet The Press there was a discussion of why Pope Francis was chosen to be Time magazine's Man of the Year and appear on its cover. Host David Gregory stated that Time had also considered Edward Snowden, who worked for a company that was...
Read full storyWall Street Banks' Financial Dealings Stump the Lord Almighty
Dateline: NEW YORK--A cabal of Wall Street bankers runs a global crime syndicate that buys the regulators of their industry, rigs the rules of the market, and uses convoluted financial instruments and bogus mathematical models to siphon cash from the...
Read full storyEgyptian Statue In Museum Now Practically Dancing!
Just about a month ago, British scientists thought that they had found the reason an Egyptian Statue in the museum was moving after being left alone, apparently on it's own. After careful study, it was determined that it was not due to an ancient...
Read full storyCairo Traffic Policeman to become Space Traffic controller
Due to the sudden surge in uncontrolled Space traffic, a traffic cop from Egypt has been appointed to monitor and control Rocket and Space Rover vehicles being launched in Ad Hoc fashion all over the place. "India, China, Canada, Iran. the USA Aus...
Read full storyNelson Mandela Flats in Peckham to be renamed Nelson Mandela Nelson Mandela Flats
The World famous fictitious Nelson Mandela Flats in Peckham, London are controversially to be double dedicated to Nelson Mandela. Made famous by the British Sitcom, "Only Fools and Horse Work" which is full of irony jokes, starring David Jason and...
Read full storyUncle Truly Astonished By His Nephew Kim Jong Un's Surprise Party
Jang Song Thaek, second top gun in the North Korean Political Machine and uncle to the countries President Kim Jon Un, was truly astonished at the surprise party his nephew had for him on Tuesday. "This is amazing!' stated Jang, who seemed genuinely astonished by the large contingent of soldiers waiting for him outside the Politburo. "But it isn't even my birthday!" "Oh, don't concern yourse...
Read full storyChina's Jade Rabbit stumbles across Old Testament cemetery on dark side of the moon
Space - The existence of a vast lunar mausoleum stuffed with Old Testament prophets' remains was first mooted by the Illuminati during the notorious Judean power outage of AD 69. Biblical hysterians have since insisted the burial site predates the...
Read full storyMichelle Obama Carries Tarantula in Purse!
The hard looks that First Lady Michelle Obama gave to the lady next to her husband while they attended the Mandela Memorial spoke for itself. This First Lady will stand for no nonsense. Later in the evening, the same Obama admirer (who was tryi...
Read full storyU.N. Chief Wants World Leaders to Start Skipping
Saying it's impossible to be mad when you skip, United Nations Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon has called for leaders around the world to take up skipping, the "hippity-hoppity" gait that, for most adults, has become a thing of the past. "If you re...
Read full storyScientists State That There Are Cattle On Saturn
CARPINTERIA, California - Two of America's leading scientists were speaking at an assembly of Planetary Science students at Left Coast College. Dr. Heinrich Von Heinrich and Dr. Currington S. Clexweiser revealed an astounding fact to the students...
Read full storyMassachusetts Bans Tootsie Roll Pops
BOSTON - Massachusetts State Senator Ambrose B. Tamburello [R-Chicopee] led a movement to ban Tootsie Roll Pops from being sold anywhere in the state of Massachusetts. After a highly heated argument the vote was taken and the Anti-Tootsie Roll Bil...
Read full storyKim Jong Un Claims The Planet Pluto For North Korea
PYONGYANG, North Korea - Kim Jong Un has just informed the United Nations that he is claiming the planet Pluto for his country North Korea. The leader of North Korea stated that he wants to make it perfectly clear that the United States and Russia...
Read full storyNavy Clobbers Army 34-7 In The Annual Army-Navy Game
PHILADELPHIA - The City of Brotherly Love was nothing but, as the Navy Midshipmen soundly defeated the Army Black Knights by a score of 34-7. The game was halted early in the third quarter when two clowns ran onto the field. The two were placed in...
Read full storyBill Gates Tells NASA He'll Pay Them $50 Million To Let Him Be The First Person To Set Foot On Mars
HOUSTON - Bill Gates is one of the richest men in the world with a net worth estimated to be around $67 billion. He recently talked to a NASA official and said that he has always dreamed of being the first person to set foot on the planet Mars.
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