Red Sox Ferret Out the Real Players
In Argentina recently a man purchased what he presumed to be two French poodles, but they were in fact ferrets on steroids with their hair teased into a poodle cut. Medical tests burst his doggy bubble. In Boston this week fans are buying the n...
Read full storyThatcher's Final Resting Place To Be At Scarborough!
Britain's first female Prime Minister, Baroness Margaret Thatcher has died following a massive stroke early on Monday morning at her London home. It is thought she was not on the Liverpool Care Pathway at the time. A funeral service is to be held...
Read full storyMayo Clinic Poll: Thirty-seven percent of Americans have Shit for Brains!
A new poll released by Mayo Clinic this morning reveals that thirty-seven percent of the adult US population has Shit for Brains! In an unprecedented move Fox News and MSNBC News are claiming that the poll is biased, provocative, and blasphemous. The...
Read full storyNew Internet Service To Revolutionize Computer World
Albert Heldstrom of East Rutherford, New Jersey, has turned the cyber world upside down with the formation of a new company that he is operating out of a recently closed North Korean restaurant in a run down mall in Newark, New Jersey. Heldstrom w...
Read full storyNew White House Study Links Guns and Obesity
President Obama disclosed today, in a speech made in Yuma, Arizona before a group of culinary students at the Taco Institute of America, that recent studies on obesity, have directly contributed obesity to gun use in our country. "When a person has a...
Read full storyUniversity Graduates First Class of Adult Entertainers
PROVIDENCE, RI - "If you do something you love, you will never work another day in your life." Said sexual education professor Nikki Nova in her new office at Brown University. A former professional entertainer herself, Nova realized that many more...
Read full storyUnder Armor Creates Muscle Building Shirt
4:30am - CHICAGO - Consumers anxiously line up at local sporting stores to be the first persons to purchase Under Armor's newest product, The Commitment Shirt®. Featuring the company's latest technology, which promotes muscle growth for the...
Read full storyPolitical Strategists Seek Support from Twilight Fans for 2016 Election
WASHINGTON - "The campaign trail never ends", said campaign strategist Jennifer O'Hair in a Whitehouse interview last Thursday. She, among other professionals, has been working relentlessly since Obama's inauguration in January to uncover campaign...
Read full storyAwareness Of Save Darfur Groups at All Time High
BOSTON - Save Darfur student groups at universities across Suffolk County proudly report that they believe awareness of their message is at an all time high. By distributing thousands of bumper stickers to friends and family, wearing customized sili...
Read full storyAstronaut Deeply Regrets Eating Chipotle Before Take-Off
KENNEDY SPACE CENTER, FL - Inspired by Red Bull's Stratos project in which Austrian skydiver Felix Baumgartner was sent to jump from earths' stratosphere, Chipotle Mexican Grill has decided that they too want participate in galactic marketing. A...
Read full storyMan Contracts Virus From His Computer
Manny Horkle's wife Bunny said she first noticed a problem when Manny suddenly stopped functioning while the couple was taking an evening walk. "We were walking along and, all of a sudden, he just froze and his left eye began twitching rapidly,"...
Read full storyOld Pope Accused of Inappropriately Touching New Pope
Pope Francis today claimed that retired Pope Benedict XVI (pronounced "Zvi") touched him inappropriately during their March 23rd visit. "When I first walked the room, he gave me a big bear hug, which I thought was nice, but then he wouldn't let go,"...
Read full storySantorum weighs in on marriage issues
Tallahassee FL- Speaking at a local Toastmasters meeting, former Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum made clear his position on the definition, and practice of marriage. "Marriage is, has been, and shall always be the sacred covenant b...
Read full storyCoalminers offer to carry Maggie Thatcher's coffin!
UK coalminers have asked the British government if they can carry Maggie Thatcher's coffin to her grave just like she carried many of them to their graves back in the 80's. In the days of coalminer's strikes, Arthur Scargill and Margaret Thatcher...
Read full storyThatcher to Receive State Funeral at Taxpayers Expense
In an outpouring of grief the world went into joy and mourning today when the news suddenly broke that Thatcher had finally snuffed it. Nicknamed the 'The Iron Lady' by her political counter parts and 'Coochy Woochy' by ex-US President Ronald Reagan,...
Read full storyRay 'Alien Autopsy' Santilli to conduct Mrs Thatcher postmortem
London - The veteran alien pathologist has only just completed Russian mobster Boris Berezovsky's autopsy and will lead a NCIS-style morgue team probing the dead despot's remains according to Our-Man-At-The-Cold-Marble-Slab in Barking, Isle of Dogs.
Read full storyRust in Peace - the Iron Lady, Margaret Thatcher, dies aged 87
Britain is set to have a fourth celebration. No sooner has the bunting been put away from the Royal Wedding, and then the Queen's Jubilee before the most successful British Olympics ever, news is emerging that Margaret Thatcher has died. "Thank fu...
Read full storyClass Problem Sensation
Increasing numbers of Britain's are worried about what class they are in. Others feel left out. Among the wealthy there is concern that they cannot find the Parasite Class. The owners of right wing newspapers, who evade tax by having their profits...
Read full storyGronk Infected but not Contagious
With medical and personal privacy no longer in operation among New England fans, inquiring minds are demanding to know whether Rob Gronkowski has become a pariah. Reports from unknown sources are circulating that the big tight end and superstar da...
Read full storyBarrel making companies looking to diversify
With the world oil crisis seeing peak oil having being passed, less and less barrels of oil are being extracted from the ground. "This has hit our business hard," said David Cooper, of Cooper's Polyurethane Barrels in Nantwich. "We have seen a dr...
Read full storyAnimals Flocking To Get Into British Zoos, Claims Animal Expert
Living conditions in British zoos are so comfortable for wild animals, that species from all continents are literally flocking to get into them, says respected Bangkok-based animal psychologist Joseph Steele. The claim came amid some early morning...
Read full storySpoof Editor Marks 10th Anniversary
LONDON, England - Mark Lowton the owner and editor of the satirical website The Spoof celebrated the site's tenth Internet anniversary. Mark and his brother Paul started The Spoof back on April 8, 2003. At that time they only had three writers (ot...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News - Park and Ryde Program Cancelled
The innovative Park and Ryde Program has been cancelled. While introduced to great fanfare as a sustainable initiative to reduce traffic, the program has been plagued with confusion and inefficiencies from the start. Residents seemed more than wil...
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