University Graduates First Class of Adult Entertainers

Funny story written by Sebscholl

Monday, 8 April 2013


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PROVIDENCE, RI - "If you do something you love, you will never work another day in your life." Said sexual education professor Nikki Nova in her new office at Brown University. A former professional entertainer herself, Nova realized that many more young people in today's culture are prime candidates for the porn industry than when she entered the business.

"In today's hook-up culture, young teens and adults are more comfortable then ever before with screwing as many people as possible and letting all their friends know about it - particularly at universities", said Nova. "This qualifies them as perfect suitors for the well known, dynamic, and growing adult entertainment industry.

Brown University's Dean James Campbell appointed Nova to her professorship after a short meeting where Nova demonstrated her ability to teach the courses "Body Language in Film" and "Foreplay 101". "In less than 2 minutes I felt she was perfect for the job. By showing me her wealth of knowledge and practical experience, I saw that she could perform many positions and the opening would be a perfect fit", reported Campbell.

Now four years after the curriculum's inception, Brown has proudly graduated their first class of adult entertainers. The graduates are of different ethnicities, religions, genders, hair colors and body types; however, they all believe they have something to offer.

In an interview after the graduation ceremony, Stacy Suave - who graduated top of her class with the honor summa lov cum - explained how blessed she feels. "My years leading to college were both confusing and oppressive. While friends and idols were encouraging me to post scandalous pictures to Facebook and spread'em, classic societal values were hindering me. Having Dean Campbell introduce me to the program was liberating, to say the least."

Looking forward, the university is aware of its challenges that lay ahead. Despite the porn industry often being seen under a negative light, Brown believes that they can bring change. By endorsing the program with their established reputation to legitimize adult entertainers as educated professionals, they may be able to erase the negative stigma associated with the profession - similarly to how law degrees legitimize ass holes.

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The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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