Santorum weighs in on marriage issues

Funny story written by Kevin Murphy

Monday, 8 April 2013

Hey!

The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

Tallahassee FL- Speaking at a local Toastmasters meeting, former Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum made clear his position on the definition, and practice of marriage.

"Marriage is, has been, and shall always be the sacred covenant between one man and one woman.  And while the ideal would be a no-sex marriage, where children are only conceived by the union of virgins and almighty God, we must in 2013 acknowledge that as a practical matter, some-sex marriage is the best alternative we have."

This liberalization on the part of "He who should not be Googled," reflects the GOP's continued attempts to rebrand, and change their message to embrace the nineteenth century.  Santorum went on to explain the circumstances in which he can support the idea of some-sex marriage.

"As long as the sex is initiated by the man, is unprotected vaginal sex in the missionary position, and the clitoris is carefully avoided, then, while it's not okay, it is at least forgivable through confession."

In response to this, sex columnist Dan Savage tweeted: "wow, just fuckin' wow"   

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more