Clint Eastwood and The Empty Chair To Go On Tour
CARMEL, California - A representative with Falling Stars Production Company has stated that after watching Clint Eastwood's empty chair skit at The Republican National Convention the 82-year-old legendary icon has been signed to a contract. Myrtie...
Read full storyMake Mayan Day: Vote For Barack Obama And Joe Biden
BILLINGSGATE POST - When Clint Eastwood sneeringly asked the empty chair, the stark personification of President Barack Obama, "To make Mayan day," Eastwood of course, was referring to December 21, 2012, the day which doomsdayers fear the Obamalypse...
Read full story'Best boyfriend ever' to leave half-eaten sandwich for girlfriend
In what may be the most thoughtful gesture of their 3-year relationship, Jake Harrington plans to leave his girlfriend Mary Rockmore a half-eaten bologna sandwich. Harrington said the thoughtful act, which occurs after the two had a long argumen...
Read full storyTransfer Window Belief
The transfer window has slammed shut trapping the fingers of many managers who weren't able to offload the tripe they had signed in previous windows. There was a flurry of activity in the last few moments of the window as Arsenal tried desperately to...
Read full storyPutin's Points come up short
Russian President/champion bear wrestler Vladamir Putin has pledged to spend £450billion on Russia's armed forces. The soldiers don't have enough money to feed themselves, but they'll have a shitload of shiny new tanks! Vlad "The Destroyer" Putin...
Read full storyRihanna Hammered and Booted
Rihanna was sensationally booted out of a nightclub in the early hours of yesterday morning. Well not quite, but witnesses say she was "pissed and acting like a slapper". Things got even more "Disturbia" as she began acting like "She was the only gir...
Read full storyFishes and Loaves Or Vice Versa
Time: 32 CE Place: On a hillside in Judea Judas Peter! Peter Hi, Judas. Problem? Judas Where have you been? Peter What do you mean? Judas What do you mean what do I mean? Where were you? Peter Oh, here and there. Judas Don't be so disingenuous with me, Peter. Remember, I knew you when you were just Simon. Peter OK…OK…. I was with the in-laws. So, crucify me.
Read full storyChristie Takes On Brown In Three Mile Race
Two of the nation's governors, one Republican and one Democrat, have squared off for a grueling three mile race, followed by contests in push-ups and chin-ups. Governor Christie (R) of New Jersey was "only too pleased" to accept Governor Brown (D)...
Read full storyLiLo Trashes Trailer Trash
According to J.Dickinson,a super fan called Angel bought the lavish 38-foot travel trailer, where Lizie's romance with Dickie began eons ago, for $50,000 in June. However, due to previous star power contracts, Angel was obligated to allow the use...
Read full storyHomo Sapiens arrested after shouting at suspect burgers
A hungry man, known only as Homo Sapiens, has been arrested after he shouted at two suspect hamburgers on an unarmed hot-dog stall somewhere in East Midlands. Police are reluctant, at this stage, to disclose any further details due to the unusual...
Read full storyU2 Named Third Greatest Band of All-Time in Alternate Reality Where U2 Died in Plane Crash in 1987
NEW YORK, NY--Sources from a parallel universe where all the members of Irish rock band U2 died in a plane crash during their 1987 Joshua Tree Tour reported today that Rolling Stone's annual "Greatest Bands of All-Time" listed the late band as the th...
Read full storySarah Palin Furious At GOP Convention Snub - May Enter Into Rehab
WASILLA, Alaska - Reports coming out of Wasilla, Alaska, state that Sarah "Snowflake" Palin is extremely angry and upset at the fact that she was not invited to be a part of the 2012 Republican National Convention in Tampa, Florida. The former gov...
Read full storyGinger-nuts meet in Holland for their annual red-headed dunking festival!
Breda, Holland: The annual meeting of loads of global "Ginger-nuts" painted the town centre red as hundreds and thousands of them met for their yearly get together. This years theme was how not to be dunked, soaked in tea, become soggy, fall into...
Read full storyBin Laden spotted in America
Richmond, Virginia, USA. A local shoe repairman has definitively declared that otherwise dead terrorist supremo, Osama bin Laden, is indeed NOT deceased. Harrison Bullwinkel Douglas III says, without a shadow of a doubt, that bin Laden is alive and w...
Read full storyBobby Valentine Harpoons the White Whale at Last
Red Sox now approach Circle Nine of Hell. Are we there yet? When Dante discussed his ideas about Hell in the Inferno, Circle 9 was a fairly loathsome place. However, it now appears to be an alley near Fenway Park. In the deepest pit, wayfare...
Read full storyYorkshire Ripper Museum Opens
Despite the fact that he is not yet dead, and many families are still left dealing with his dreadful legacy of terror, a museum of artifacts belonging to the notorious Yorkshire Ripper, Peter Sutcliffe, has been opened. Sutcliffe, who was driving...
Read full storySelected Political News for W/E 2nd Sept 2012 + comments
Monday 27th August Topic: Nepotism - Bonuses - Civil-servants Headline "100+ senior civil servants got five-figure bonuses last year." Source: Daily Star Extract: The number of public sector fat cats grabbing more than £10,000 on top of their salaries has doubled since 2011. One defence official scooped a £100,000 boost to his £160,000 wage - prompting the Government yesterday to defend Wh...
Read full storySelected Nottingham News for W/E 2nd Sept 2012 + comments
Monday 27th August Topic: Crime - Scum - Attack - Pensioner Headline "Men threaten Kimberley pensioner with knife and ransack her home" Source: This is Nottingham Extract: The four thugs pushed Balwinder Dhami over and held her down after she answered a knock at her door on Saturday evening. The 69-year-old told how they ransacked her bungalow in Kimberley looking for money in the 15-minute...
Read full storyMy Senior Moments for W/E: 2nd September 2012
Monday 27th August 2012: * Up early, medications (all bar water tablets) then did the Spoof diaries for the day. During which I only required four visits to the WC... getting easier now. * Wash, shave sh__, teggies tended to. * Went over to see Stewart, but he was not in, I'd forgot it was Monday, his day at the social centre. (I know... your amazed that I should forget anything) * Set...
Read full storyLiberal Groups Demand That Donald Trump Produce His Birth Certificate To Prove He is Not Really A Space Alien.
An independent group of concerned citizens is demanding that Donald Trump make his birth certificate public to prove that he is not really a space alien from another planet. Concerns from the United Citizens Group For Raising A Fuss has been voicing...
Read full storyAllen defers interest in Heat
The sharp shooting guard Ray Allen will have no part in the Miami Heat organization after an overnight visit with the professional basketball team went "fucking terrible." Allen, who won his first NBA championship title with the Boston Celtics, is...
Read full storyMy 'You Had to be there' Moments' W/e September 1st 2012
Saturday Arrive at Leyton Orient at 2.45pm to attend a home match for the first in three years. Due to a serious traffic accident on the A406, opponents Hartlepool are delayed and at 3.30pm the match is officially cancelled. (Its a shame their are no Olympic Lanes on the A406) Ironically, in April I wrote a spoof about Orient fans getting lost on route to Hartlepool. Wednesday After tellin...
Read full storyBrief: Microsoft to release 'Playstation 3'
The first new video game console since 2006 is finally set to be released. Microsoft has unveiled its newest video game console, which it says far exceeds the capabilities of any game console on the market. The same company known for releasin...
Read full storyTimes of London Acquires The Spoof
London UK: The Times of London has purchased the publishing rights to stories of the on-line humor magazine The Spoof. Times of London executives indicated that the Sunday on-line edition of the newspaper would include five of the best spoof stori...
Read full storyFootball Gossip & comments 3rd September 2012
Fulham may have sold Mousa Dembele to Tottenham during the transfer window, but Cottagers fans could soon be singing the player's name again, after one of their academy players - also named Mousa Dembele - scored a hat-trick for the club's U18s against Crystal Palace. (Fulham FC.com) Two Mousa Dembele's, theirs only two Mousa Dembele's, two Mousa Dembele's... Arsenal have not won a trophy fo...
Read full storyObama's Sand Statue Gains New Life
A sand statue of President Obama was recently ruined by heavy rains in North Carolina. However, the statue mysteriously came to life and was seen hanging out behind a mall in Charolette. Joe Duffy who works at Starbucks was taking a smoke break...
Read full storyGay Navy Seal to release book
On the eve of the release of, "No Easy Day," there is another book coming out called, "One Really Hot Sexy Sweaty Day," by America's first Gay Navy SEAL appointed by President Obama. In "One Really Hot Sexy Sweaty Day," former Navy SEAL Lance Wort...
Read full storyGoalkeepers no longer allowed to catch ball - New season law change missed by media
While the football media concentrated on the season's new law change mandating that the colour of tape used by players must match the colour of their socks, everyone appeared to miss an even more important adjustment. 2 weekends into the new seaso...
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