Presidential debate format to change: live Romney to go up against videotaped self
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama has decided to sit out the upcoming presidential debates in lieu of an even bigger crowd-pleaser. Mitt will suit up the mitts to spar against--HIMSELF. Video spots will be aired showing the Republican candidate s...
Read full storyAntihistamines cause hay fever
Hot on the heels of the news that headache tablets cause headaches, it turns out that hay fever tablets cause hay fever. "I suppose the clue was always on the box," said Angie Benji, of the British Medical Institution. "It doesn't say 'Cures Heada...
Read full storyCharles And Camilla Will Wear Second Hand Clothes For Their Australian Holiday!
Prince Charles and his wife Camilla will not be buying new clothes to take with them on their Diamond Jubilee touring holiday to Australia, New Zealand and Papua New Guinea this November. Instead they will be taking with them some of the clothes the...
Read full storyRomney Clarifies Who The 47 Per Cent Really Are
Presidential hopeful, Mitt 'The Gaffe-Man' Romney has stuck his foot in his mouth again. Speaking to a group of people paying $50,000 a plate (and $2 for tips) at a fund raising dinner, Romney said that 47 % of Americans are dependent on the gover...
Read full storyLeaked memo deals second blow to Romney campaign in a week
SALT LAKE CITY (AP) After last week's leak of a Mitt Romney fundraiser speech that insulted nearly half of all voters by repeating a popular but fallacious far-right wing talking point, the campaign suffered another blow yesterday when a memo contain...
Read full storyAl-Qaeda To Close Embassy In France: Muslim Artist Paints Mustache On La Premiere Dame
BILLINGSGATE POST - Al-Qaeda announced Wednesday it will close its embassy in France in fear of retaliation for the painting of a mustache on French first lady, Valerie Trierweiler, by Muslim artist Hakeem Hussien Obama, a distant relative of Barack...
Read full storyRob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Texting?
LOS ANGELES - The Left Coast rumor mills are working overtime trying to sort out the ongoing Pattinson/Stewart story. Tittle Tattle Tonight's Tapioca Swizzle is reporting that Kristen's hair stylist FuFi Fondue has suggested that K-Stew is sending...
Read full storySouth Park Elementary School attacked by Feds: one dead, two injured
SOUTH PARK COLORADO (ABSNN) - "Oh my God! They killed Kenny! Bastards," said a sobbing fifth grader at South Park Elementary School located in this fictional town. In the wake of repeated calls for Federal action by a Fox News Host (whose name I...
Read full storyLate Night Screening of Harrison Ford Movie Ignites Amish Fury
A midnight screening of the 1985 American thriller film directed by Peter Weir and starring Harrison Ford and Kelly McGillis, Witness, has ignited scenes of violence and rioting throughout the Amish community in various locations across the United St...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Wants Her Mom In Rehab
HOLLYWOOD - In a perfect example of the pot calling the kettle black, Tinsel Town starlet Lindsay Lohan has stated that she is trying to get her mom to enter into The Henry & Betty Ford Rehab Clinic. Lindsay told Carolina Chipotle with Bedroo...
Read full storyComedy website to publish story of Kate Middleton topless
A UK comedy website has today announced that it will publish a story about Kate Middleton topless tomorrow morning. This follows publication of pictures of the Duchess of Cambridge topless in publications in France, Ireland and Italy - and despite...
Read full storyIntelligent Design Handbook nominated for the Booker Prize
Intelligent Design, the theory that the world and everything on it was created by a Man with a Plan, has been overjoyed by the news that their tome, The ID Handbook, has been nominated for Fiction's Biggest Prize, the Booker Prize. "We're overjoye...
Read full storyNew BBC Director General to reboot 'Last of the Summer Wine'
George Entwhistle the newly appointed Director General of the BBC has released plans today to reboot classic sit-com 'Last of the Summer Wine.' He said at a press conference today: "The public love the new 'Dr Who' well old Who fans don't but who giv...
Read full storyMoonie cult leader's daughter to get top US gong
Washington - Global Piss Process activist Aung San Suu Kyi is to receive the Congressional Gold Medal for keeping her gob shut about being Sun Myung Moon's daughter 'and other horrid stuff'. She'll pick up the gong from Secretary of State Hillary...
Read full storyWilliam to sue French mag yet again: Kate's boobs are much bigger he says.
Prince William is barking mad because he says that the breasts of his wife, the former Kate Middleton, now known as the Duchess of Cambridge, are much larger than on the photos in the French magazine. Our Buckingham Palace source, who wishes to re...
Read full story"Can You Smell Shit In Here?" Tuvalu Kate Asks William At Website Office
In an aside from legal wrangles in La Belle France, relating to a certain 'invasive photographic' orgy of unnecessary and quite pointless overexposure, which of course was lapped up by the French, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have been getting a...
Read full storyDaily Mail Readers Campaign For Return Of Death Penalty
Following the brutal killing of two young police officers in Manchester, a not insignificant number of Daily Mail readers have signalled their intention to campaign for the reinstatement of capital punishment. Amongst comments left on the Mail's w...
Read full storyPresident Clinton Says Monica Lewinksy's New Book Is Science Fiction
LA BREA, California - Former President Bill Clinton was having dinner at The La Brea Tar Pits Diner with George Clooney and his stunning girlfriend Stacy Keibler. According to an employee at the diner, Clooney asked the former president what he t...
Read full storySix months before Mayor Bloomberg's soda ban takes effect, high-volume "Soft-Drink Speakeasies" appear all over New York City
Brooklyn--Less than five days after New York City's Board of Health voted 8-0 in favor of Mayor Bloomberg's ban on sugary drinks larger than 16oz., "soda-pop speakeasies'' began sprouting up all over the five boroughs. "It started as a joke...
Read full storyI am not a crook. Almost, always never
So picture this: You just arrived in Denver last night, and here you are at, like, seven o'clock the next morning, sprawled back in your cargo pants and espadrilles, smoking some very cool brown cigarettes, drinking tequila out of the bottle, and listening to some upbeat tunes on the radio. So far, so good, right? What's funny about it is that you're hunkered down in this great big walk-in...
Read full storyThe Delilah Paradox: Elderly Girl Shaves it All Off
"Don't cry, Mama, it will grow back in no time," Elderly Girl says, holding her ever-tinier old mother in her arms. God, that woman's tears can rip you to shreds. Elderly Girl does not enjoy having to be maternal. It gets in the way of her lust for drama. As most of you are are aware, Elderly Girl had perhaps the most beautiful and celebrated hair on Earth. Even so, the urge to liberate hers...
Read full storyChicago Police Raid Underground Restaurants
Chicago IL: Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel has to deal with a high murder rate in the inner-city, a school teacher strike and now illegal horse meat restaurants. Horse meat slaughter (including government inspection) is again legal in the USA as of N...
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