Lady Gaga's NYC eatery designated 'A Gagger' by city health officials
NEW YORK CITY (ABSNN) - City Health Inspectors rated the restaurant owned by Lady Gaga "at below 'C' level for 42 critical sanitation violations." The very best rating is "A." The report was released today and was actually a re-inspection of...
Read full storyAfter quitting Chelsea FC and professional football, John Terry wants to join "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" cast
John Terry has stated in a recent interview that he would love to join to the cast of the Fresh Prince of Bel air, as a special guest. "I love that show, the dancing dwarf is my favourite. I would love to do a guest spot." PR experts feel this...
Read full storyObama Admits Going Into Tank For Augusta National Membership Admission
BILLINGSGATE POST - Augusta National Golf Club, home of the Masters Tournament, announced today that they would admit President Barack Hussein Obama into their hallowed club, making him the first black Muslim allowed to travel down Magnolia Lane and...
Read full storyTaylor Swift arrested for Mann Act violations concerning Conor Kennedy
HYANNIS PORT MA (ABSNN) - Taylor Swift, 22, was indicted this morning by a federal grand jury for violating the Mann Act, after admitting that she drove Conor Kennedy, then 17-years-old, across state lines and the two "engaged in heavy petting, but only outside my tee shirt." "The Grand Jury had two federal crimes from which to choose to indict, Ms. Taylor," said assistant US Attorney William J...
Read full storyMother of Mercy, Can This Be the End of Bobby Valentine?
The operative word yesterday about the demise of Bobby Valentine was "fired." We began to think this was not exactly the correct word, or perhaps it was an inexact word. After a complimentary breakfast (with brown sugar, we presume), Bobby was sh...
Read full storySparks and Mensa launch their Health and Safety fashion range
Sparks and Mensa, the high street department store for the fashion conscious and intelligent, has announced the launch of it's new range of Health and Safety clothing. "Hi-viz jackets are useful," said range designer, Wok Gann. "What they're not i...
Read full storyBoris Johnson snubs Cameron's advances; shame they'd make a lovely pair!
PM, David Cameron, who seems to have fallen out of love with Nick Clegg, has been constantly "wooing" BOJO, alias Boris Johnson, the RT Hon "Mare" of London, to come and spend a night or two at Chequers with him. It seems David is quite lonely sin...
Read full storyStrategic Cannabis Reserve mooted for drought-hit California
Los Angeles - Dwindling bud supplies have virtually dried up in parts of California prompting calls for the creation of a state-wide Strategic Cannabis Reserve modeled on Big Oil's Gulf of Mexico emergency storage facilities. The proposal has the...
Read full storyRomney throws Big Bird under the bus!
French president Francois Hollande issued a statement this morning in which he said, "Today we are all American children!" The Mayor of London (UK) issued a statement regarding Romney that read in part, "There he goes again!" The Boston Globe r...
Read full storyRomney Apologizes To America's 47 Percent
FISHERSVILLE, Virginia - Mitt Romney is back again doing his patented Flip-Flop Quick-Step song and dance routine. Speaking before a crowd estimated at somewhere between 31 and 36 supporters, standing in the drizzle at a local Burger Belle, the GO...
Read full storyThe Amazing Athlete's Foot Pill
BANGOR, Wales - After an extensive two-year research study a group of Welsh scientists in Bangor, Wales have developed an astounding pill. Dr. Bryce F. Cardiffpool, 57, and his associate Dr. Cadwallader P. Pontypridd, 43, have invented a pill they...
Read full storyRed Sox announce radical replacement for Bobby V
Boston Red Sox and Liverpool FC owner John Henry today announced that the Boston Red Sox were teaming up with scientists from the University of Liverpool to clone George Herman 'Babe' Ruth to replace Bobby Valentine who was fired after the Sox failed...
Read full storyLarge Hadron Collider and the single feline
Zurich, Switzerland. In earth shattering news, the Large Hadron Collider, owned and operated by the CERN corporation, has been blamed for, among other things, causing domesticated cats to become prematurely aroused ahead of their usual time of "heat"...
Read full storyCourt rules Abu Hamza can be extradited to Ecuador
London - The radical cleric is to be put on a plane for Quito after three Appeal Court judges agreed to his repatriation under the Human Frights Act. Today's ruling also means four other undesirables detained alongside the hate preacher are free t...
Read full storyRomney to marry Lesbian Heiress
GOP Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney is to take a second wife in accordance with his Mormon faith. Mitt will marry Gigi Chao the lesbian daughter of Hong Kong property tycoon Cecil Chao who earlier this month offered a $65m dowery for any man who c...
Read full storyFacebook Pandemic On the Rise
It has been announced that Facebook use has reached one billion, with experts warning as much as three quarters of that figure may be dependant abusers, raising fresh concern about the ongoing pandemic. Facebook use emerged in 2003 with the first...
Read full storyJoey Fatone Upset That Bristol Palin Is Still On Dancing With The Stars
HOLLYWOOD - Joey Fatone, former boy band member, is reportedly extremely upset at the fact that he was eliminated from Dancing With The Stars. The former 'NSYNC member spoke with Tittle Tattle Tonight's Pico de Gallo and told him that he could not...
Read full storySuggestion for Giving Debate Instructions to Presidential Candidates
Considering good guy Jim Lehrer's failed attempt to moderate last night's Presidential Debate, my friend Walter offers the following suggestion: After the introduction at each Presidential / Vice Presidential debate, where the moderator, hereafter called the Ref, advises viewers as to the format and rules of the debate; the Ref should personally instruct the debaters one last time as follows:...
Read full storyX-Factor's Demi Lovato Says Britney Spears Cries More Than Nicole Scherzinger
LOS ANGELES - The X-Factor season has not had as much drama, fireworks, and physical threats as its counterpart American Idol. Simon Cowell, alias The Count of Criticism, told Bedroom Pillow Talk's Carolina Chipotle that there is no way that he wo...
Read full storyRussell Brand To Star In "Smoke & Mirrors - The Willie Nelson Story"
BURBANK - TouchRock Pictures in association with Cloud 13 Films has just announced that Russell Brand will be starring in Bandini Borrapelli's Smoke & Mirrors - The Willie Nelson Story. The motion picture is based on country music legend Willi...
Read full storyThe Great Debate - 2012 Presidential Election Heats Up With Romney And Obama
The media is proclaiming it a victory for the Republican Party and Romney. Who would have guessed that the same rich guy's son, who protested in favor of the Vietnam draft, (but skipped off to Paris, France, when his number came up, lingering there f...
Read full storyTaylor Swift Says That One Day She'll Be The First Lady
HYANNIS PORT, Massachusetts - Taylor Swift has said that she is in Fairytale Land with her relationship with Conor Kennedy, grandson of Senator Robert F. Kennedy. The country singer who has sold over 22 million albums, including 173,691 in Egypt r...
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