Romney Apologizes To America's 47 Percent

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 5 October 2012

image for Romney Apologizes To America's 47 Percent
Some of the 47 percent of American people that Romney originally wrote off. (Photo by Paul Ryan).

FISHERSVILLE, Virginia - Mitt Romney is back again doing his patented Flip-Flop Quick-Step song and dance routine.

Speaking before a crowd estimated at somewhere between 31 and 36 supporters, standing in the drizzle at a local Burger Belle, the GOP candidate actually admitted that he had said something that was wrong.

And his words had not finished coming out of his mouth when a collective "What?" cascaded over the Burger Belle parking lot.

According to Political Salad Bar Magazine's Savannah Bamboo Old Mittens stated that during a normal week he makes anywhere from 7 to 12 million statements.

He went on to say that sometimes one or two of those statements are totally, completely, and unequivocally wrong.

The Hairdo Dude, as Vice-President Joe "The Pit Bull" Biden calls him, said that he really and truly regrets saying that 47 percent of the American people are moochers who have no jobs, are renting their mobile homes, pay no taxes, and watch reality shows such as The Cajun Crawfish Catching Wars, The Real Housewives of Detroit, The Cupcake Cookers, and The Homeless Chronicles.

Romney giggled and revealed that he and Ann will on occasion tune in and watch The Cupcake Cookers, which he understands is the favorite show of Kirstie Alley, Kevin James, and New Jersey Governor Chris Christie.

The former governor of Massachusetts then pointed out that he wants everyone, especially the 47 percent to know, that he has now done a turn around, a flip-flop if you will, and he now says he cares about 100 percent of the American people and not just the 53 percent that he talked about last week.

He then added that he wants the world to know that Mitt Romney actually cares about 110 percent of the people in the United States.

When asked to explain, he grinned, took a sip of his diet lemonade and said "Look, let me be perfectly clear on this. Yes, I am one hell of a fantastic businessman, and yes I am worth $250 million, but I still care about our illegal guests who come to visit from beyond our southern border; those wonderfully talented and gifted folks from Mexico, Guatemala, Panama, Costa Rica, Nicaragua, Peru, and Sierra Leone."

Everyone in the crowd looked at each other and uttered a collective "Huh?"

In Other News. The United Nations has issued a statement that they are still in the process of trying to talk Jamaica out of invading Japan.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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