Suggestion for Giving Debate Instructions to Presidential Candidates

Funny story written by Dougiedo Franksen'stein

Friday, 5 October 2012

Considering good guy Jim Lehrer's failed attempt to moderate last night's Presidential Debate, my friend Walter offers the following suggestion:

After the introduction at each Presidential / Vice Presidential debate, where the moderator, hereafter called the Ref, advises viewers as to the format and rules of the debate; the Ref should personally instruct the debaters one last time as follows:

"Ok Gent's: I gave you your instructions in the waiting rooms. They aint that hard to understand, and I gave them to you verbally with the aid of a white board presentation; in writing; and by a short video. Keep in mind, that you acknowledged your understanding of those instructions, both verbally and by signing a witnessed and duly notarized pre-debatial agreement. So when I say "Break," "Stop," or "Your Time's Up, We have to Move the on" … Shut the Hell Up!"

"All right then; I expect you to keep it clean, no zingers or gaffes. In the event of a zinger-gaffe, I'll direct the dumb ass that through it, to "Shut the Hell Up!" and to go to a neutral demeanor. No tears, deep sighs, smirks, grins or hysterical laughing etc., by either of you. Also, at the end of the fight, I mean debate, I expect you, win or loose, to be good sports, to smile, hug and to vigorously shake hands while whispering to your opponent "good debate, now Shut the Hell Up!"

"Any questions? Okay then, good luck, and after the first question in round one, come out jabbing, dancing round the facts, and ducking the whole truth and nothing but the truth to the American people. In other words, be political and above all else, look Presidential."

P.S. Walter has one more suggested instruction concerning supporters in the debater's corners: "Shut the Hell Up!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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