Barack Obama Announces Engagement Of Sheriff Joe Arpaio And Eric Holder
BILLINGSGATE POST - In a speech before the National Scissor Butt Thesbians and Lisping Sportswriters of America, President Obama announced today that America's toughest sheriff and its weakest Attorney General are engaged to be married after the Nov...
Read full storyRebekah Brooks had face time with Barack Obama
London - The flame-tressed diva and the Senator from Illinois met in secret in July 2008 during a presidential campaign to woo the nuts off some power hungry Brits. Their rendezvous at Blakes Hotel bar in Roland Gardens, South Kensington was recor...
Read full storyLetters sent in error
Dear Mrs Fungle, Please accept my apologies for calling you a tight fisted old hag with dew drops and a wig that should have been put down years ago. We received your cheque this morning. Peter Morning Adl Electrical Supplies Dear Mr Dreem, After some consideration, I would not want to shove your head in a meat grinder and boil your testicles in hot jam. You are not a wanker and I...
Read full storyWho Needs an Asteroid? Josh Beckett Has Hit Boston
Josh Beckett is the Red Sox answer to Doomsday, Dec. 21, 2012, and he ought to switch his number to 12/21/12. Beckett has never made a secret of his dislike for Boston. In that sense, he resembles another former Red Sox superstar who simply put u...
Read full storyThe NBA Fines Boston Celtic Rajon Rondo For Wearing The Ugliest Jacket In The History of Jackets
ATLANTA - The Boston Celtics lost game five of their playoff series with the Atlanta Hawks 87-86 on a Rajon Rondo turnover. After the game "Double R" was waiting in a hallway to attend the mandatory, post-game, media room interview. Rondo mingl...
Read full storyShortage Of Suitable Acts Threatens Future Series Of Hit ITV Show, 'Britain's Got Talent'
A letter passed to the press by the Director of the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra has revealed serious concerns within the production team of the hit ITV show, Britain's Got Talent about the viability of future series. 'I was flabbergasted when an application for the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra to audition for Britain's Got Talent was turned down by the show,' revealed the Orchestra's Director.
Read full storyWelsh Nationalists Up In Arms Over Corgi Pup-ularity Thanks To Queen's Jubilee
The Queen's favourite breed of dog has gained in popularity during her Diamond Jubliee year. According to Kennel Club figures, after a period of decline, people are showing more interest in Pembroke Welsh Corgis. Inquiries for puppies have incr...
Read full storyMost Useless Gadget? It's The Fondue Set
Top of the list of unused household gadgets is the fondue set, according to new research. Apparently, we Brits spend £900 million a year on gadgets we rarely use. Having obtained a fondue set - usually as a wedding present - we tend to leave th...
Read full storyCamilla top suspect in satanic horse slayings spate
Cornwall - Local scrimshaw foragers said today a decapitated horse's head on a Cornwall beach had three Prince of Wales albatross feathers stuck in its snout. It was found washed up on Pentegwam Bay just weeks after a mutilated pregnant mare's co...
Read full storyJoseph "Joe" Biden, Jr. and Ronald McDonald exchange vows
Joseph "Joe" Biden, Jr. and Ronald McDonald were married Thursday at Birdie the Early Bird Special Inn in Sarasota, Florida. Willard "Mayor" McCheese, a friend of the couple, who was given permission by the State of Florida to perform the ceremony, o...
Read full storySmart As A Fox, part I
Happiness is hard work. Therefore, in pursuit of happiness, I work very hard. In doubt? Read my accounts: Long time ago, I, like Beverly Hills stars, used to jog along the streets, before sunrise. But had to give it up, as the police repeatedly arrested me on various charges: lunacy, burglary, foreign agent sympathizer, informer etc. Since my jumping suit has no rear pocket for a wallet, I coul...
Read full storyGreat British Menu Reinvented Pea "Most Pointless Dish" Ever
A top cookery expert rounded on the BBC's popular TV chef contest Great British Menu yesterday after seeing a contestant struggling with a modern technique. The show was already close to farce after Johnnie Mountain stormed out of the contest on T...
Read full storyScientists find sugar to be a bio-warfare agent
Bethesda Maryland - Sugar is not just toxic, as some have recently postulated; but Dr. Guerivarewus, who works in a secret lab, has proven that it is a bio-warfare agent designed to kill all animal life on Earth. As Dr. Guerivarewus has shown, pla...
Read full storyThe List of Ten Little Known Facts About Taylor Swift
The 22-year-old country singer Taylor Alison Swift was born in Reading, Pennsylvania and oddly enough she has said that in school her favorite subject was reading. Over the years there has been widespread speculation as to who Taylor Swift was named after. Some news publications and agencies have stated that she was named after Elizabeth Taylor. Others have said that she was named after come...
Read full storyMerkel to define ghetto zones
BERLIN - According to Austrailian sources, maps are being redrawn showing vast areas of Europe in a dark drab shade of grey. An Austrailian print shop leaked copies of a redrawn map of Europe ordered by the German government. The maps show area...
Read full storyPresident Obama Changes His Mind And Says That He Now Supports Gay Marriages
CINCINNATI, Ohio - President Barack Obama was speaking before a large gathering of The Amalgamated Waiters & Waitresses Federation of America when he was asked about his stand on gay marriage. The president smiled and raised his eyebrows a lit...
Read full storyDomestic Crap Shortages Reported
Washington DC: The US Department of Agriculture (USDA) had underwritten the development of renewable source fueled electric power generators that utilize the burning of chicken, pig and cow/steer manure. Chicken, pig, cow/steer and other livestock ma...
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