Dear Mrs Fungle,
Please accept my apologies for calling you a tight fisted old hag with dew drops and a wig that should have been put down years ago. We received your cheque this morning.
Adl Electrical Supplies
Dear Mr Dreem,
After some consideration, I would not want to shove your head in a meat grinder and boil your testicles in hot jam. You are not a wanker and I realise now that it was our computer that was in error and not you. Please accept this voucher for a month's free insurance.
Sworn Insurance Ltd
Mr and Mrs Splot,
We are so sorry you received a letter from one of our customer care assistants accusing you of being a pair of low life scum bags that should have been drowned at birth. We will be reviewing our procedures and making sure sacked employees cannot contact customers.
Albert Dune. M.D.
Catalogue Shopper Ltd
Dear Dr Bandrel,
Our Pharmacy prides itself on customer service. We are taking steps to rectify the letter that was sent to you by our deputy manager Mr Cheadle. We do not agree with his comments.
We think you are a miserable cantankerous old bastard that deliberately writes in a language nobody can understand. Please do not send your patients here again or they will be shot.