Domestic Crap Shortages Reported

Funny story written by Philbert of Macadamia

Thursday, 10 May 2012

image for Domestic Crap Shortages Reported
Ship Transporting Imported Crap

Washington DC: The US Department of Agriculture (USDA) had underwritten the development of renewable source fueled electric power generators that utilize the burning of chicken, pig and cow/steer manure. Chicken, pig, cow/steer and other livestock manure is defined as Crap.

The USDA now reports that there is a domestic Crap shortage.

Private investment companies built the individual Crap fired power plants that were co-located as Crap farms in various farming states, adjacent to nearby large Crap sources. The USDA encouraged farmers in all US farming states to increase production of chickens, pigs and steers/cows and other livestock to generate lots of Crap. When necessary, railroads delivered the Crap to the Crap farms.

Crap farms initially operated employing only domestically produced Crap, but the supply could not keep up with the demand. The supply side shortage had driven the price per ton of Crap sky high, increasing electricity costs. Crap farm operators looked overseas for foreign Crap sources.

Crap farms began to utilize foreign or imported Crap (chicken, pig, cow/steer and other livestock manure) from Australia, Argentina, the UK and Canada (via Keystone Crapline). While foreign Crap made up the shortfall in domestic Crap, many power plant engineers felt that the foreign Crap was really crap!

The world market was also flooded with substandard Crap defined as elephant, yak and llama manure. Substandard Crap seems to clog up the individual Crap fired power plants of US Crap farms.

Crap speculators have also driven up the price of both domestic and foreign Crap, causing the Obama administration to name a Crap Czar. Additionally many countries, such as France, operate their own Crap farms and won't export any Crap, keeping it off the world market.

USDA has asked the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) to consider replacing Crap fired power plants with clean coal, natural gas and nuclear fired power plants, should the cost of Crap keep increasing!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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