Great British Menu Reinvented Pea "Most Pointless Dish" Ever

Funny story written by Ellis Ian Fields

Thursday, 10 May 2012

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The green ones, Aiden, they're peas. Ready made.

A top cookery expert rounded on the BBC's popular TV chef contest Great British Menu yesterday after seeing a contestant struggling with a modern technique.

The show was already close to farce after Johnnie Mountain stormed out of the contest on Tuesday when he was awarded just two points out of ten for a fish course that included no fish.

Matters worsened yesterday when Aiden Byrne was ridiculed for reinventing the pea.

Some of the country's top chefs are competing to cook at a banquet for Great Britain's Olympians in this year's contest. From each regional heat featuring three cooks and scored by a previous winner, two go through to the weekly final where their food is judged by Pru Leith, Matthew Fort and Oliver Peyton.

For the main course yesterday, Byrne decided to work a modern take on a the classic pea and ham flavour combination, which involved the 'spherification' of ham fat and pea purée as side dishes.

"Well that was utter bollocks wasn't it?" Said EIF News & Features food editor Imogen Crumble. "Poor old Aiden couldn't get the ham fat things to work and as for the pea purée, thing, well...

"I don't know about you, but where I come from little spherical things that look like peas and taste like peas are called peas - we don't smash them up, liquify them and then form them into little balls. They already come that way.

"Most pointless dish ever. Daft bugger!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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