Smart As A Fox, part I

Funny story written by walter

Thursday, 10 May 2012

Happiness is hard work. Therefore, in pursuit of happiness, I work very hard. In doubt? Read my accounts:

Long time ago, I, like Beverly Hills stars, used to jog along the streets, before sunrise. But had to give it up, as the police repeatedly arrested me on various charges: lunacy, burglary, foreign agent sympathizer, informer etc. Since my jumping suit has no rear pocket for a wallet, I could not carry on me any police required ID, i. e., hard currency. Therefore, they had to take me in, but send an armed agent to my house where my wife passed some cash ID to get me released. Thereafter, I decided to trot at very slow pace in the yard.

Well, cognitive dissonance worked well, and I took the change for the better. You see, nobody stops me anymore and I am all on my own. Of course, I have a companion, a chickadee. I listen to his repeated melody. Egoistically, I'd like to believe he is sent to me to convey some messages! Well, sometimes, his tone is hard to decipher. As far as I can understand he says, 'He's a tyrant'.

After the so-called jogging, I go to take a shower. Today, when I turned on the tap, there was no running hot water. Had no choice but to go to the basement, naked, to grab some tools to change the washer. Having finished the job, went back to the basement to turn on the main hot water faucet. Back to the shower. No hot water! OK. Got dressed went to the hardware store to buying two brand-new whole faucet valves. Came back and replaced the valves. Turned the hot water on. Still no hot water. When examined the whole fixture, I realized that someone had turned an obsolete diverter halfway. How could I have missed that! Stupid me! Nothing was wrong with the washers and the spouts!

Now, it was time for a late breakfast in front of the satellite TV, outlawed by the big brother. If caught, I'll have to spend some time in jail and suffer some 80 lashes in the public square for watching alien TVs!

Anyway, if the my satellite TV is not jammed, then I can watch a bunch of lies and disinformation broadcast by international broadcasters which is much better than the big brother's brainwashing TV. Besides, I can compare various channels to see if they are broadcasting the same video clips. Sometimes for the fun of it, I turn to a Russian TV. For instance, western TVs show mutilated bodies of Syrian anti-Assad regime Alqaedah, but the Russian RT shows a peaceful street crowded with pretty young mothers carrying baby prams, while laughing, chatting and exposing their cleavages. Of course, I never expect a black box to be retrieved when I am alive.

Well, now it is time to go to use my PC and the so-called internet. It feels great to be able to pay utilities via Chinese banking software, rather than risking life by walking to the bank. Why? Because as far as you can see cars are parked on either sidewalks, bumper to bumper, and I have no choice but to use the narrow drive path and risk being hit by a crazy doped passing car. Sometimes the minimum injury is a mirror-hit. So that's why I feel lucky to be able to pay my utilities via PC.

Well, not so lucky today. The big brother has not only reduced the speed of the internet to almost zero bits/second, but also it has imported, probably, a software from China, that smashes search engines and keeps reading my files and my browser before I do.

Today, luckily, I got connected and typed in my user ID, password and those funny eerie looking security characters that have no resemblance to any regular alphabets: twisted, crooked and chopped off, requiring a magnifier to decipher. Having entered the ID and the password, the program came back with a wet mop saying the password was wrong. Repeatedly, I tried until I was shut out for the rest of the day. I was told to refer to the bank for a fresh password.

Risking my life, I went to the bank and received a new reliable password. Gave it to the site, but it did not get me through! I was baffled. Intuitively, decided to alter my browser. Used Microsoft IE, rather than my favorite browser. I got through. You see how smart I am.

(to be continued)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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