Bang goes that World Bank CEO's job nomination...
London - It has emerged tonight that Russian banker German Gorbuntsov who was submachinegunned down outside an Isle of Dogs apartment block this week may have been a candidate for the forthcoming top job at the World Bank. Reports this evening sai...
Read full storyCardinals from the Western Hemisphere gather in unauthorized conclave
TORNADO, WV (ABSNN) - An unauthorized conclave of Cardinals from the Western Hemisphere has been gathering for the past four weeks in this tiny West Virginia hamlet. Dressed in their scarlet robes, and attended by nuns wearing earth tones, priests...
Read full storyMayans Predict Tim Tebow Will Not Transform Jets To Playoffs
BILLINGSGATE POST - December 21, 2012 concludes the Mesoamerican Long Count calendar. Unfortunately for the New York Jets, the 2012 NFL regular season ends on Sunday, December 30. In other words, the Jets will not make it to the playoffs again this...
Read full storyTop 15 Prom Themes In Kentucky 2012
It's the season of Prom Kings & Prom Queens with lots of starched overalls and tissued bras on starry-eyed teenagers looking forward to their high school prom this year in Kentucky. Thus far, these have been the top fifteen themes: 15. "Double-Wide Pride!" 14. "The Beauty of Buck Dancing" 13. "Indoor Plumbing, Big City!" 12. "Born To Be Wide!" 11. "The Brother & Siste...
Read full storyEngaged Couple Daydreams about Marriage, Kids, Divorce and Both of them Eventually Trying to Kill Each Other
Clearwater, Florida engaged couple Larry Slick and Dianne Vindicated sat on the shores of the Gulf of Mexico and daydreamed about how their future together would pan out. As the sun slowly sank over the Gulf's horizon, Larry mused about the fist fig...
Read full storyGingrich Attacked by Wiccans Seeking Eye of Newt
Late last night while taking his regular "constitutional" (Gingrich's preferred term for his nightly moonlight strolls through the woods, the moniker he feels best demonstrates his passionate commitment to the civil rights propagated by our Founding...
Read full storyEx-Brookside star jailed for making Eastenders plots appear plausible
Ex-Brookside actor Brian Regan has been jailed for his part in making the plot-lines which have become the hallmark of the BBC's flagship soap Eastenders appear remotely realistic. Regan, who was originally charged with murder following the death...
Read full storyAmbulance service gears up for its busiest day of the year
The British ambulance service has cancelled all leave for Monday morning as it gets ready for Black Spot Monday, the day of the year when there are more road traffic accidents than any other. "It's the same every year around this time," said ambul...
Read full storyEating chia seeds improved the sex life of US over 85 year-olds!
The latest health craze about to "tsunami" the shores of Britain and Europe, chia seeds, is not only good for marathon running, Iron Men, extreme mountain-biking, weight-lifting and other such sports. It enhances one's sex drive, especially in OAP's!...
Read full storyNew 'Angry Birds Space' game being sued by The Muppets for using 'Pigs in Space' without Permission
Angry Bird creators said, "We threw it together so quickly no one thought about the obvious Muppet reference." Angry Birds are attempting to be the 21 century answer to Mickey Mouse, with tons of merchandise already for sell at Wal-Marts and Targe...
Read full story'German' Russian banker in Isle of Dogs hit 'n' run
London - A sub-machinegun toting assailant is being hunted after pumping several rounds of ammo into exiled Russian banker Mr German Gorbuntsov near his Isle of Dogs home today. The former owner of failed Russian and Moldovan banks has been hiding...
Read full storyVague Timing System to be used in the Olympics
Scientists at Cambridge University have successfully lobbied the World Athletics Federation to adopt their new Vague Timing System as the official timing system of the Olympics. "With many countries having different timing mechanisms, we feel this...
Read full storyJournalist writes entire story from quotes found on twitter
A journalist has caused controversy by writing an article entirely made up of quotes found on twitter and other Internet forums. The journalist, who cannot be named because it is not in the public interest, recently tweeted "Well that's another 40...
Read full storyLast Supper? Disciples 'all had the munchies' says London artist
London - An animated tableau vivant at London's Black Rat Projects Gallery depicts the Disciples as weed-crazed bong-toting stoners high on Judean homegrown and leftover Retsina from a recent Cana nuptials. Giles Walker's Last Supper has Jesus rol...
Read full storyThe Top Ten Political Etch A Sketch Sayings of The Month
Ever since Mitt Romney spokesperson Eric "The Red" Fehrnstrom made his Etch A Sketch remark at a political campaign rally at a Pizza Gal Restaurant parking lot in Missoula, Montana, the name of the toy has been used more times than the words "Where's the clicker?" The following list was compiled by the verbiage gathering agency known as Did You Hear That, Inc. which is based in Kalamazoo, Michi...
Read full storyMicrosoft's Pig Bombed by Angry Birds from Space
Unless you are an Angry Birds game fan, this headline will be of no use to you, but owners of the Angry Birds franchise have said "no" to offering their new "Space" game version on Microsoft mobile devices. Making the business decision to stick to...
Read full storySantorum to make Cubit official unit of measurement
A spokesperson for Rick Santorum has announced that if elected President, he intends to adopt the Biblical Cubit as the official unit of linear measurement for the United States. This change would encompass all U.S. Government Departments and Agenci...
Read full storyPeyton Manning to Create His Own Tebow Move in Denver
Teammates of Peyton Manning have leaked the new quarterback's plans to create a celebratory and unique "move", much different from Tebowing, after scoring each touchdown. "Peyton is a bit older than many of the guys and remembers the early days o...
Read full storyPensioners Better Off
Contrary to alarmist headlines in the media Pensioners have gained immensely from the Budget. Fuller analysis of the measures adopted by George Osbore has shown that those who suggested Pensioners suffered to pay for the tax cut for the very rich...
Read full storyKardashian Flour Bombing Another Publicity Stunt
If it's been more than a day without Kim Kardashian in the headlines, it must be time for another publicity stunt. The actress/model/whateveryoucallher was on a fabricated red carpet event for a European launch of her new perfume, when a female atte...
Read full story"The Apprentice" exposed as a front for A4E
As the business affairs of public funding money pit A4E continue to be scrutinised, new and far more damaging information has come to light. It appears that every one of the thousands of applicants to this year's series of "The Apprentice" was regist...
Read full storyWest Ham Beat Government 2-0
In the dullest football match ever endured at Upton Park West Ham secured a 2-0 win over the Government. This was due to two own goals scored by Government Right Back George Osbore. The own goals were so gruesome they are now prize exhibits on the...
Read full storyKate Middleton has the painters in
Kate nee Middleton has got the decorators in this week, what with Aunt Flo coming to visit, she felt it was the right time of the month to put a bit of colour in the house. "Aunt Flo is quite demanding about décor," said interior decorator, Tim O'...
Read full storyBoston and New York Show Bad Manners to Each Other--Again
Spring training games in Florida used to be informal affairs, where rules were lax, and games were suspended at the drop of a hot dog onto the field. That was then. Now with a new Jet Blue Park, thousands of fans traveling from the Northeast payin...
Read full storyNeapolitan Police Service Savaged by Animal Rights Watchdog Over Shooting of Crazed Dog
The Neapolitan Police Service today came under fire from an animal rights watchdog, following the shooting in East London of a Staffordshire Bull Terrier. Prior to the shooting, the crazed dog had viciously savaged five police officers, some of whom...
Read full storyAmerican Idol's Erika Van Pelt Goes From Being A Blonde To A Brunette And Ends Up Getting Sent Home
HOLLYWOOD - This week's edition of American Idol saw two males and one female in the dreaded Bottom 3. Heejun "The Class Clown" Han and Deandre "The Hair" Brackensick were the two guys and Erika "The Makeover" Van Pelt was the lone female. Dea...
Read full storyFrench Restaurant Surrenders to Boinkin' Bubba's Redneck Shak
The East Dublin, Georgia French restaurant, La Mort Escargot, has announced its official surrender to Boinkin' Bubba's Redneck Shak that resides 'a ways down yonder road'. East Dublin, Georgia is famously known as the city that holds the Summer Redn...
Read full storyRon Paul Agrees To Appear With Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev In An Episode of The Vampire Diaries
BURBANK - GOP presidential hopeful Ron Paul made an appearance on Jay Leno's Tonight Show and the Texan made some interesting comments. The 76-year-old congressman informed Leno that he plans to stay in the GOP political presidential race to the v...
Read full storyTebow encouraged by friends not to live in the City, but instead in Holy Jersey
New York City - Tim Tebow is coming to New York and those close to him are already painting the City as Sodom and Gomorrah. Instead, Tebow is being advised to jump on Interstate-95 and head south to Jersey, home of such whole television dramas as The...
Read full storyJustin Bieber and Selena Gomez To Star In The Movie Musical "The Etch A Sketch Chronicles"
LOS ANGELES - It has just been announced to the Hollywood entertainment media that Sky Castle Pictures in association with Lions Face Films will soon begin production on the Durango Grundyweather musical The Etch A Sketch Chronicles. Mr. Grundywea...
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