The Reason Why Angelina Jolie Is So Insanely Jealous of George Clooney's Girlfriend Stacy Keibler
NEW YORK CITY - George Clooney and his girlfriend Stacy Keibler were happily strolling down New York City's Central Park with Brad Pitt and his partner Angelina Jolie. Pitt and Clooney have been friends for a long time and they have both jokingly...
Read full storyDick Cheney, Arapaho Tribe Get Shooting Permissions From Government!
In Cheyenne, Wyoming today there is much celebration among the Northern Arapaho Indians and former Vice President Dick Cheney who is from the same area and was once a Wyoming Representative in the US House of Representatives. The US Fish & Wil...
Read full storyEvolution Takes GIANT Leap Forward: NY Cat Turns Vegan!
What if the law of the jungle were also the law of kindness, compassion, and love? Well, if East Village kitty Sammy Mesda has anything to do with it, one day it very well could be. Sammy, whose blackness, litheness, and sleekness can only call...
Read full storyTop Ten Worst 911 Calls!
10. "This is CA3! Charlie Alpha Three! No UFO's reported in the past 24 hours. Geronimo Amish Buggy! Repeat: Geronimo Amish Buggy!" 9. "I've had these HIC! hiccups for a week. Send someone over to scare me!" 8. "How long does it take for a 20-pound turkey to thaw?" 7. "Send a big officer right away. I can't get this lid off the jar and I've even ran hot water over it!" 6. "Bedbugs!...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars Kicks Off Season 14 With A Bang!
HOLLYWOOD - According to many entertainment media critics this years group of Dancing With The Stars celebrity dancers is probably the most talented in the entire 14 seasons. One of the night's best performances was turned in by Katherine Jenkins...
Read full storyLondon Police Station Explosion Latest!
Park Lane, London: Controversy has raged since the announcement from the Metropolitan Police with regards to whether an explosion occurred at either Croydon or Park Lane Police Stations. What is known is that fire crews from Woodside, Croydon, No...
Read full storyS-Club 7 UB40
It was a whitewash at Wembley when the kids from S-Club were utterly destroyed by UB 40-7. "It was watching men against boys, quite literally," said soccer pundit, Alan Hansen. "S-Club's defence were all over the place, hardly acting like a unit a...
Read full storyCameron 'drunk as a skunk' as hacking inquiry ratchets up the agony in Andy Coulson, Rebekah Brooks probe
London - Backbenchers have made a formal complaint that Commons-issue extra strong fresh breath mints are failing miserably to do what it says on the packet. This morning at Westmonster Hall the PM was seen sucking** on something a bit more potent...
Read full storyVictoria Beckham to have extra legs surgically grafted on
Victoria Beckham, wife of David Beckham and thankfully ex-Spice Girl, had admitted that she wishes to have up to four new legs surgically attached to her hips. "I'll be starting with just two new legs," she said in an interview with the postman. "...
Read full storyHair extensions reduce intelligence
Concern is spreading after a recent survey from Lancaster Hairdressing University that hints at an inverse relationship between hair extension length and IQ. "We've not tied down the mechanism yet," said Graham Henry Boardman, who invented hair st...
Read full storyMiracle Toothpaste causes Doctor & Gambols shares to soar
the UK's leading toothpaste manufacturer has cracked the secret to the perfect toothpaste, causing their share value to rise. "When we say miracle toothpaste, we mean it," said Doctor Gambol, the dentist responsible for the breakthrough. The ne...
Read full storyTebow and Gronk: Together At Last?
After a season in which Tim Tebow and Rob Gronkowski were two faces of the new generation of football players, it now seems the two faces may appear on the same coin Yes, talk swirls now around Tebow being shipped out of Denver-and where do al...
Read full storyNigerian Millionaire bemoans a lack of trust
Nigerian business man Prince Nwadala-Al-Homonym has lambasted the British for being too sceptical. "I had thirty million American dollars that I wanted to invest in a reliable British company," said Nwadala-Al-Homonym. "I made this money quite abo...
Read full storyContraception Banned To Replenish The Slave Trade
While at a banquet in honor of the new "Broken Promises By a President Record", President Obama had one too many and let the real reason as to why America is planning out outlawing contraception slip to the shock of few but delight of many. Allegedl...
Read full storyUniversity Challenge: Manchester Cruise To Title
So is it a slap-up feast at Ilkley's fabulously and ridiculously expensive Box Tree restaurant for native boy Tristan Burke after he led his Manchester side to victory? I've never been, Tris, despite living near for years, so if they do treat you, drop us a line let me know what it's like. Manchester were hot on the buzzer from the start and once again a previously crack outfit, this time Pe...
Read full storyDallas Mavericks' Lamar Odom Says His Wife Khloe Kardashian Has Become A Jinx
DALLAS - The sports world knows that ever since Lamar Odom was traded by the Los Angeles Lakers to the Dallas Mavericks that his on court performance has not exactly been stellar. Sports Balls Illustrated Weekly has stated that the 6-foot-10-inch...
Read full storyJustine Bieber volunteers for genetic splicing which will make him manly!
LONDON, ONTARIO (ABSNN) - Young Justin Bieber, a heart throb to tweens is a fairly girlish-boy. He is a pale imitation of a wimp; a slow breeze would knock him off his feet. A 98-year-old rag picker would beat his ass in a fight. And Bieber himsel...
Read full storyHomosexual club denies membership to Chaz Bono
LOS ANGELES, CA (ABSNN) - A social club whose membership is made up exclusively by homosexual males denied membership to Chaz Bono, formerly Chastity Bono, the son/daughter of Sonny Bono and his former wife Cher. Members told reporters that Chaz...
Read full storyAlaska - Where The Crazies Rule!
There is a little known fact about Alaska that people should become aware of. One of the five major possessors of land in AK is the Alaskan Psychiatric Institute and it's clients. That's right, you've guessed it, crazy people own one fifth of our biggest state. Even lesser well known is that they put them all in one place where they could keep an eye on them- Fairbanks! A lot of secretive p...
Read full storyMacon Bacon attacked by fundamentalist pastor. Called "Obscene"
MACON GA (ABSNN)-The Georgia farm of Devin and Maryellen Manners has been in the Devin Family since 1847. It produces crops and livestock, but is mainly a pig farm. For nearly 50 years Devin and his wife and four sons, Donald, Theodore, Roger and F...
Read full storyArizona becomes 1st state to ban Islam
The Arizona legislature which chose to make strict laws on illegal aliens has voted to also make strict laws against Islam. One legislator who's name is being kept secret commented "bombs were being built inside a Mosque, and they were threatening...
Read full storyStinky Feet Causes Climate Change
Washington DC: A new Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) study apologizes for the federal government's junk science blaming Carbon Dioxide (CO2) for causing climate change. The real culprit is stinky feet. The EPA was examining regulating the o...
Read full storyThe Inside Scoop on Newt's Conversion!
ATLANTA, GA (ABSNN) - Newt Gingrich believes he is "Behind the Eight Ball," according to close associates within his faltering, third-place campaign. The big stories the past three news cycles were Romney's exit from the Mormon faith and his convers...
Read full storyJewish Messiah to be Named SOON! Trinity Possible…
After over a millennium of anticipation, punctuated by occasional promises from their Lord of a Messiah to be named "later," Jews worldwide were thrilled to learn that their Messiah will be named SOON. Sources have confirmed that on the short-list fo...
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