Hair extensions reduce intelligence

Funny story written by IainB

Tuesday, 20 March 2012

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My hair is five inches long, I have ten inch extensions, making my hair fifteen feet long

Concern is spreading after a recent survey from Lancaster Hairdressing University that hints at an inverse relationship between hair extension length and IQ.

"We've not tied down the mechanism yet," said Graham Henry Boardman, who invented hair straighteners. "We suspect it may be the weight of the hair extensions pulling on the scalp and reducing blood flow to the brain."

The Lancaster Hairdressing University are not geared up for the extensive investigative equipment needed to examine brain function in sufficient detail to determine the cause and have asked that neighbouring Lancaster Neurology University run the tests.

"We don't have functional magnetic resonance scanners, CAT scans, or even an MRI," said Boardman. "We have scissors."

The Lancaster Neurology University are so far unwilling to help out, although the Lancaster Media Studies University have indicated that they may well do a documentary on the discovery.

Brian Box, head of research at Lancaster Neurology University has dismissed the claims as ludicrous and unfounded.

"The claims are unfounded and ludicrous," said Box, changing his original claim. "We believe that it is not hair extensions causing a reduction in IQ, but instead a reduction in IQ causing hair extensions. This is a classic case of an inverted cause and effect. They have rushed to publication without sufficient time to work through the possibilities and untangle what causes what."

Boardman has dismissed Box's claims as ludicrous and unfounded.

"Box's claims are ludicrous and unfounded," said Boardman, confirming his original claim. "He is just jealous because I have a nice head of hair and he's bald."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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