Football Gossip & comments 22nd July 2012
Olympic Warm Up Match - Team GB 0 Brazil 2 Team GB were outclassed by Brazil at The Riverside with first half goals from Sandro and Neymar. Just as well we didn't play them on the beach. Is it too late to instate David Beckham in the squad? Glad All Over Crystal Palace have announced the appointment of comedian and life long fan Eddie Izzard as Director. Their fans could do with a laugh.
Read full storyFive Olympic wheel rings on my wagon... ...I'm singing a higgity, haggity, hoggety, high.
Bus Shelter, Olympic Route Network (ORN), LONDON: As the Busker sings, thoughts come to the conscious mind. Five Olympic wheel rings on my wagon, And I'm still rolling along, The Met Police are chasing me Tasers fly, right on by, But I'm singing a happy song. I'm singing a higgity, haggity, hoggety, high Olympic Lanes, there for five wheeled wagons A mile up the road, there's a Police...
Read full storyDonald Duck to be brought out of retirement to save Disney
Rumours of Donald's demise on a pancake with hoisin sauce, spring onion and cucumber have been greatly exaggerated, and the half dressed duck has been coaxed out of retirement to help prop up a flailing Disney empire that has seen three of it's last...
Read full storyFootball Gossip & comments 21st July 2012
Manchester United, Manchester City and Juventus confirm bids for Robin Van Persie from Arsenal. Leaving Wenger enough cash to sign another Frenchman... Birmingham supporter Rob Shannon has not missed one of his team's matches for 38 years, seeing the Blues play 1,800 consecutive games since 1974. And he only missed one that year because he was too ill to get out of bed. 1,800 consecutive...
Read full story"I'm Proud Of Being An Idiot!" Says Defiant Idiot
Barcelona - Spain:- A man caused quite a stir in this cosmopolitan Catalan city this morning, as he paraded around the city's central square, Placa Espana, wearing a placard which stated: 'I AM AN IDIOT AND PROUD OF IT!' A group of curious onlo...
Read full storyQuentin Kelp MP - Sharia Law and Roasted Baboon
Dear Constituents Sorry about the few spelling mistakes in my last Newsletter but I was very upset. I am much better now, thank you, and have received several emails of support during this very difficult time - many of them offering sympathy and advice on how to cope with George's passing. Reverend Jacobs asked that I call in at his church next Sunday for guidance and strength. I sai...
Read full storyThe U.S. Health Department Has Banned Jessica Simpson's Diet
LOS ANGELES - Since having her baby on May 1, Jessica Simpson has tried desperately to lose some of the astounding weight she gained during her 10 month pregnancy. She recently sat down with Kiowa Kettle of Tittle Tattle Tonight and quipped that t...
Read full storyGames logo cops swoop on Olympic Rings crop circle
Wiltshire - Olympic copyright protection authority jobsworths swooped on an Alton Barnes wheat field this morning amid reports of blatant cashing in on the Games logo. An alien crop circle depicting the Olympic Rings had sprung up overnight 'in co...
Read full storyAlhambra employee tells Dutch tourist to f++k off!
Granada, Spain: In an unprecedented incident today at one of the world's most famous tourist attractions, the Alhambra, a Dutch tourist was told to F++k off! After queuing under the tremendous heat for an hour, the tourist, whose daughter had a re...
Read full storyRomney: "The great unwashed are people too, my friends! Well…kind of."
Presidential candidate Mitt Romney was speaking to a select group of financial supporters yesterday in the Hamptons and obviously had no idea his remarks would be reported in the media. He began by saying, "The great unwashed are people too, my frien...
Read full storyRebirth and Reclamation for Carl Crawford
Not to be confused with a resurrection of Carl Crawford, back from the dead, the Red Sox outfielder now bats second and steals bases again. It seems to be a miracle of Biblical proportions. Crawford's journey may not yet be finished, but suddenly...
Read full storyCows Close UK Supermarkets
Herds of well trained cows have stormed supermarkets and local government buildings in a bid to support the farmers' strike. A calculated and precise act of terrorism has prevented customers from purchasing milk. It has been alleged farmers have...
Read full storyUsain Bolt predicted to win the 100m Butterfly
Due to the heavy rain forecast for the London Olympics, changes are having to be made to some of the events. This has meant that Usain Bolt will no longer be competing in the hundred metre sprint, and will instead be competing in the hundred metre bu...
Read full storyJohnny Depp Devastated As Amber Heard Dumps Him
NEW YORK CITY - It appears that Johnny Depp sure got sucker punched by his brand new girlfriend Amber Heard as Mr. D got D'd for dumped. Fajita San Guacamole with Hollywood Innuendo noted that the relationship had barely gotten off the ground and...
Read full storyWhat The Frack Is Going On? Top Environmentalists Are Pushing For Fracking Around Los Angeles?
A strange new development has occurred in the continued battle behind the oil industry and environmentalists over the use of fracking. Fracking, for those unfamiliar with the term, is the new art of pumping chemical laden water back into an undergrou...
Read full storyStephen Hawking surprise selection for Team GB squad.
Stephen Hawking, world famous for his robotic voice*, has been selected for the Team GB Olympic squad. While this may come as a surprise to many it hasn't for the Professor who said "Why not? Sports psychologists are always saying that excellence in...
Read full storyMassive air raid scheduled for Maricopa County Arizona early Sunday
Arizona - Sunday UPDATE - According to local reports in Mesa, AZ, the toxins were administered via truck early Sunday morning. In addition to the stray cats and mosquitoes that were killed, the occasional unaware pedestrian was sprayed. Of cour...
Read full storyCluck Cluck Filler Announces It Is An Anti-Gay Marriage Eatery
ATLANTA - The president of the Cluck Cluck Filler Restaurant Chain, Danny Caloric has issued a statement which states that his company is going on record to say that they are an anti-gay marriage establishment. Mr. Caloric, who says he is still ma...
Read full storyLeAnn Rimes Upset At One Pound Weight Gain
SAN FRANCISCO - LeAnn Rimes had just finished performing her concert and was backstage at The Veni, Vidi, Vici Coliseum where she spoke with Grilletta Brewburger of Yippee-Ki-Yay Magazine. Miss Brewburger asked the 63-pound singer how she felt the...
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