Donald Duck to be brought out of retirement to save Disney

Funny story written by IainB

Friday, 20 July 2012

image for Donald Duck to be brought out of retirement to save Disney
Donald Duck in Devilish Donald

Rumours of Donald's demise on a pancake with hoisin sauce, spring onion and cucumber have been greatly exaggerated, and the half dressed duck has been coaxed out of retirement to help prop up a flailing Disney empire that has seen three of it's last two films flop at the box office.

"Disney haven't got it any more," said Claudia Winkleman on Film 2012. "They kept trying to do what Pixar did, without using Pixar, and failing. Now they are turning to their old warhorse, Donald to save them."

It has been fifty years since Donald Duck appeared in his previous film, Donald's Swan Song, but the mallard appear to have lost none of his joie de vive. His new film, Donald Ducks Down sees the octogenarian fowl still doing his own stunts of leaping out of falling planes and having his head blown off by a sawn off shot gun.

"This new film will be a real return to the Disney Golden age," said Winkleman. "Back to the mid-sixties when Donald, Goofey and Mickey were regularly wowing audiences with their antics."

If Donald's new film proves to lead Disney back onto the road to success, then the studio will redouble its efforts to locate Mickey, who had a surreptitious drug named after him for a reason.

"Mickey was last seen under a bridge in Sacramento," said Private Detective Tom Magnum, who has been searching for the mouse for thirty years at the expense of his own career. "I fear for a little mouse amid the rats that live down there."

Sadly, Goofey's restraining order prevents him from going within a mile of the Disney Studio since the dog cocked a leg on Walt Disney's cryogenic coffin, so he is unlikely to reprise his role as the dopey hound.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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