Usain Bolt predicted to win the 100m Butterfly

Funny story written by IainB

Friday, 20 July 2012

image for Usain Bolt predicted to win the 100m Butterfly
Cycles wait for the deluge to stop.

Due to the heavy rain forecast for the London Olympics, changes are having to be made to some of the events. This has meant that Usain Bolt will no longer be competing in the hundred metre sprint, and will instead be competing in the hundred metre butterfly and freestyle events. Events he expects to walk.

"Well, not literally walk," said Bolt. "I will be moving slightly faster than that."

Swimmer Ian Thorpe was expected to win the hundred metre freestyle, but now thinks he is up against it.

"Until I realised I'd be going up against Bolt," said Thorpe, "I thought I was a shoe in for the gold, now I'm going to have to put on my best performance ever."

Other events that will be modified slightly are the road cycling. Now cyclists like Chris Boardman will be up against the rowing teams, almost certainly giving Britain a great chance at winning gold.

"We're brilliant at cycling and rowing," said Boardman. "So it will be between me and the Oxford and Cambridge boat teams as to who grabs gold. I can't see any fo the other competitors standing a chance. Especially if they're standing. Standing competitors are going to sink."

The Beach Volleyball teams will be going head to head with the Water Polo teams, while the high jump athletes will face stiff competition from the diving competitors.

"It's going to be an interesting few weeks," said Sebastian Coe, in a rain mac, holding an umbrella. "At least it will be the most memorable Olympics ever."

The firework display scheduled for the final day has been cancelled, as it will most likely rain and be a damp squib.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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