Bairns Night farrowing sees Rebekah Brooks become a Mom
London - Scarlett Holly Mary Brooks weighed in at 6lbs 1oz at sunset on Burns Night at the Portland Clinic in London's West End. The unnamed brood mare - er...surrogate mother! - delivered at 37 weeks to make Rebekah and racehorse trainer husband...
Read full storyHow The Moon Landings Were Faked
Many a curious Earthling has gazed up at the Moon at night and pondered, "just how did the American government manage to fake those landings on the Moon?". As a recent book by "astronaut" Buzz Aldrin reveals, there were considerable obstacles to overcome. But for those of you of a weak disposition, prepare to be shocked. This conspiracy is even bigger than you could have imagined. "The main pro...
Read full storyWoman With 2 Vaginas Seeks Man With 2 Penises
A one in a million woman with two vaginas is seeking a man with 2 penises. Yes you heard it right a woman with 2 vaginas has discovered she is a little different than the average bear. Hazel Jones was alerted to her difference when a boy friend n...
Read full storyCoronation Chicken of the Seas* to be Queen's Diamond Jubilee dish
London - Pollo impagliato 'Schettino' - (Francesco) Schettino-style stuffed chicken - has been named the Duchess of Cornwall's Diamond Jubilee dish in a competition to feed her mother-in-law. Camilla launched the cookery compy at the Nova Herod (!...
Read full storyTurkey Calls France Racist, France Calls Turkey Good with a Properly Spiced Gravy
The war of words continues between France and Turkey as the Turkish Prime Minister, Recep Tayyip Erdogan elevated the level of political rhetoric to new heights yesterday, calling France "Racist". Not to be outdone on in the court of public opinio...
Read full storyLocal poet produces another collection
Great Yarmouth poet Ann Thology has just published yet another collection of verbose poetry. Entitled "More Gushing", all the poems involve the central theme of overflowing phrases. Ann Thology's poetry is fully enriched with emotional outpouring...
Read full storyDetroit Tigers Land Prince Fielder, Hot Dog Vendors Thrilled
The big boy is on his way to Detroit, thanks to a multi year contract worth well over $200 million. Fans and several snack food vendors appear to be thrilled at the opportunity to see the big man pound hot dogs and homers too, in his new home at Com...
Read full storyMagic Mushrooms Make Depression More Fun
Following press releases yesterday from the American Medical Foundation regarding the test treatment of depression with hallucinogenic mushrooms, patients are claiming that they are not cured, but they do enjoy spending time with the talking pink soc...
Read full story"Howard Webb feels persecuted" - agent
Manchester United 12th man and referee Howard Webb's agent Rino Maiola says the ref feels "a little bit persecuted" after clashing with Mario Ballotelli in Sunday's Man City v Spurs game. Maiola says Webb is "very disappointed and a little bit ang...
Read full storyTech world in shock as Facebook go a complete '24 hours' without any changes
The world of internet geeks and tech specialists spoke out today at their surprise when Facebook made a statement saying that Thursday 26th January 2012 would see absolutely no changes to their security settings, page layout, timeline appearance, gro...
Read full storyBill Gates arrested for wanting to pay more tax!
Microsoft co-founder and one of the richest men on the planet, Bill Gates, has been arrested for a curious felony, he demands to pay more tax and the US government see this as being a major crime! In a TV interview, Bill insisted that he will pay...
Read full storyGingrich Responds To Pelosi: She Has Eyes Like Two Piss Holes In A Snowbank
BILLINGSGATE POST: Responding to Nancy Pelosi's statement to CNN that Newt Gingrich would never be elected president, Newt told CNN that whatever crystal ball she is looking at, "it must be difficult to focus because she has eyes like two piss holes...
Read full storyDemi Dumps Lovelace, Parties with Rumer, Claims Exhaustion
All in a day for bad ass, evocative, and aging film star like Demi Moore as she pulls out her role on the movie "Lovelace", parties all night with her daughter Rumer, then prepares to enter hospital to be treated for exhaustion. Playing dramatic r...
Read full storyVinnie Jones ad inspires NHS reforms: 'Now we'll do everything to music!'
After the recent television advertisements featuring former footballer, nut squasher and now Hollywood actor, Vinnie Jones, promoting the application of chest compressions to the rhythm of the Bee Gees smash hit tune, 'Staying Alive', government bigw...
Read full storyMick Jagger pulls out of Davos tea party over 'lack of chocolate biscuits'.
Mick Jagger has pulled out of an event due to be hosted by David Cameron at the Davos summit, complaining of "the lack of chocolate biscuits". The Rolling Stones singer had been due to attend a tea party at the Swiss resort as part of a campaign t...
Read full storyCameron Diaz Talks Openly About Justin Bieber, Her New Boobs, and Those Botox Rumors
BEVERLY HILLS - Cameron Diaz was sitting in her usual chair at The Haven of Hair Salon on Rodeo Drive where she had gone in for her monthly black root touch up. The starlet's longtime hair stylist FuFi Fondue, noted hair stylist to the stars, rema...
Read full storyFirst Scottish embassy to be sited at Fishmongers Hall
Edinburgh - Police are probing reports that some very fishy-sounding people have taken over the Scottish government and are preparing to open the country's first embassy in a souped-up former aquarium at London Bridge. Fishmongers Hall is the SNP...
Read full storyHeidi Klum Dumps Seal, Seeks Upgrade with Tiger Woods
The romance is reportedly over as ex-supermodel now reality TV hostess, Heidi Klum, kicks former recording star Seal, to the curb. Insiders to the Klum camp, say that she may be quick to the post-Seal cougar prowl, and just happens to like the way T...
Read full storyPublic Loo Causing A Proper Stink In Bagenalstown
Financing a public convenience in a picturesque Irish town is causing a bit of a stink on the local council. Some members of Carlow County Council are upset that spending a penny in Bagenalstown is costing the public purse a fortune. Said one c...
Read full storyChevy Volt Still Under Fire, Pun Intended
General Motors CEO, Daniel Akerson remains in Washington to deflect criticism around reported fires with the batteries in the new Chevrolet Volt, a non fossil fuel burning, fully electric vehicle. "That was so last year", said Melvin Stickles on J...
Read full storyTiger Woods Visits Australian Open to See Maria Sharapova Grunt
Finishing his negotiations with Newt Gingrich over whether or not Woods might be a spokesman for Newt's moral character, Woods and his entourage headed to the Australian Open tennis tournament to witness Maria Sharapova's grunts first hand. "There...
Read full storyHarry Stiles from One Direction confirms age gap in love affair too big
It was confirmed today by One Direction member Harry Styles himself that he concedes his love affair with an older woman might not be the best thing for him. He said that touring the country with the new woman in his life meant that they had to c...
Read full storyDerek Acorah solves Worrall Thompson shop lifting mystery
Antony Worrall Thompson has sought the aid of the maestro and undisputed king of the dead Derek Acorah it was disclosed yesterday as part of his defence in the recent shop lifting debacle. Derek, renowned for his skill in communicating with the d...
Read full storyQPR to sign Kaxo Mpewilmu.
Sky Sports understands that QPR are in talks with Kaxo Mpewilmu. The 22 year old Belgian born Gambian wonderkid is currently plying his trade with FC Snagov in the Romanian 2nd tier. Mark Hughes has a reported £30 million warchest, and a high s...
Read full storyCameron admits the austerity measures haven't worked
David Cameron has finally admitted that his plan to reduce the British debt figure hasn't worked. The debt figure is now ten percent higher than it was under labour, and has topped one trillion pounds for the first time in history. "I know it soun...
Read full storyRoyal Ballet Principal Quits For Death Metal Band
The world of dance is reeling this morning following the news that Sergei Polunin has quit as a principal with the Royal Ballet. Royal Opera House sources are mystified as to why the 21-year-old Ukrainian - the youngest dancer to be made a princip...
Read full storySecret correspondence between Jobs and Gates
Letters between Steve Jobs of Apple and Bill Gates have come to light that detail how the two hatched a plan to ensure that neither came under the gaze of the Federal Trade Commission in the USA. "These letters show that Gates and Jobs worked in t...
Read full storySue Perkins Plays Beethoven - 'Big Deal' Says Local Guitarist
A local musician has hit out at TV celebrities airing their anxieties on entertainment shows after a new show featuring comic Sue Perkins aired last night. Ms Perkins, well known for radio shows such as Just A Minute and TV extravaganzas The Great...
Read full storyUFO Crashes in Hollywood, Contains Alien Movie Actor
Narjeen Xynenia landed her eight-ton spaceship at the corner of Hollywood and Vine Tuesday, destroying two hot dog stands, interrupting a "Free Lindsay" demonstration, and forcing officers of the Los Angeles Police Department to close off six blocks...
Read full storyTales From Stella Street, Dorking - With Yuck Skidmark
Hi there. You probably don't know me, but that's beside the point. I'm Yuck Skidmark, and I live in Stella Street, Dorking, which although you've probably never heard of it, is where international superstars (who aren't in rehab) come to chill out and take five. It's an interesting street, with lots of exciting stuff going on in it, and near it, come to think of it. So I thought I'd write do...
Read full storyUS Republican candidate to be decided by toss of coin
After months of to-ing and fro-ing, mud slinging and tv debates, the head honcho's in the Republican party have decided the fairest way to select a candidate for the Presidential nomination is the good ole fashion toss of a coin. A party insider t...
Read full storyFighter Jet Flyovers: The Messy Money Shot of Awesome.
The leggy blonde behind the microphone clears her throat one final time. The capacity crowd-already restless in anticipation of the first pitch on Opening Day-struggles to temper themselves. The players line the base paths, hats over hearts, shifting their weight from leg to leg as nerves tighten. Finally, a silky but dynamic voice fills the stadium. Oh, say, can you see, by the dawn's early...
Read full storyGwyneth rapped for selling detox diet kit on her website
Gwyneth Apple has been rapped for promoting a 21-day 'detox' diet. The actress, 39, is selling the £275 'Cleanse' kit on her website Goof. It involves eating one low-calorie meal a day, two protein shakes and vitamins. 'LESS BLOATED' One mug...
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