BBC admits to changing whole TV shows just because of typing errors
It is believed that the BBC scrapped and re-wrote entire television series after spelling errors in titles released to the press at the time caused embarrassment to senior management. Amongst these were 'Morph' a loveable plasticine man from the...
Read full storyWords of Wisdom from Wendle Wantage: Book one.
MONEY: "Dont spend it, steal everything you need" SEX: "Every tart is fair game except yer dear old Mum". BEEF: "Easy to milk, a fucker to slaughter, if you do have a Daisy away from the farm, get yourself a mate that knows how to use a chainsaw" NOSE HAIR: "A good cigarette lighter does the trick" PETROL: "Use unleaded, the forensics hate it, they cant...
Read full storyTravel Chaos As Fly-Tipper Dumps World's Largest Stash Of Mini Bounty Bars
There was travel chaos today, as the M40 was closed after someone dumped a lorry load of mini Bounty bars on the northbound carriageway. Over five tonnes of the coconut filled chocolatey treat were left on the motorway between 3:30 and 4:15am this...
Read full storyMitt Romney Hands out $20 Bills to Young Black Males
Mitt Romney says the 'high' he felt by helping out a Sumter, SC woman last week by handing her a wad of cash to pay her electricity bill was exhilarating. He claimed afterwards that he couldn't describe how great it felt to give to the poor. "Who kne...
Read full storyShrek and Donkey Present BBC's Stargazing Live
BBC viewers under the age of five were sent into an excited state of shock last night after realising that this years' series of Stargazing live is being presented by Shrek and Donkey. The realisation was made by a 3 year old boy called Josh on...
Read full storyInflation rate "is inflated"
The monthly rate of inflation in the UK was measured at 4.2% this month, down from 4.8% in November. Businesses are said to be deflated at the news. Bicycle repair kit salesman Herbert Pump said, "To get the inflation back up again, we need to find o...
Read full storyManchester United midfielder Paul Scholes 'to join crew of Italian ship Titanic'
The owners of Titanic ship Pierre Luigi Luigi today claimed that Manchester United midfielder Paul Scholes will join the crew when the boat is ready to relaunch at the end of 2012. "Eeeee is just what we need - an expert on 'ow yu say - the rescue...
Read full storyTransfer Window: Samba wants to leave Blackburn; on his way to London
In demand Blackburn defender Chris Samba, who handed in a transfer request yesterday, is expected to sign for four London clubs in the next few days. The unique transfer deal will see the current Blackburn captain sign contracts with London rivals To...
Read full storyThe Golden Globes Awards Show: The Madonna - Elton John Feud Erupts Like Mt. Vesuvius
BEVERLY HILLS - The 69th Annual Golden Globes Awards Show was hosted by a very subdued Ricky Gervais. The man who many refer to as "The Count of Cruelty" was not the same Ricky Gervais who resembled a den of rattlesnakes at last years Golden Globe...
Read full storyHillary Clinton to Convert US Embassies into IHOPs
Washington DC -- Secretary Of State Hillary Clinton has begun transforming her diplomatic corp's global network of embassies and consulates into the world's largest International House of Pancakes chain. "Let's face it, there are major problems in...
Read full storyPrivate equity underpants down
Shares in Private Equity, manufacturers of men's underpants, decreased markedly after safety inspectors discovered design faults. Midriff bands had weakened during the recession, possibly due to severe weakening of essential commodities. Privat...
Read full storyEnglish Language To Receive Overhaul
The English language is to receive a massive overhaul in 2013, say experts from the Guild Of Dictionary Writers. Spokesmen say that the language has become cluttered and over-complicated in recent years, with many new words being added and spellin...
Read full storyPostmen welcome new law on dogs
Proposed changes in private property laws relating to dogs could make a postman's job a lot safer. Private property laws currently allow dogs to attack intruders, even if they're just delivering mail. "It's our 'privates' we're worried about,"...
Read full storyIreland's smallest author fails to make short list
In the run-up to the Man Booker Awards for fiction, Oimah Litlun has failed once again to make it on to the short list. At 3 feet 2 inches, Oimah Litlun is Ireland's shortest writer - although he has always been a big name on the Irish literature...
Read full storyPompey Ownership Saga: Superfan Runs Away
Friends and family of Portsmouth 'superfan' Jake Seaport were concerned for his safety last night. Mr Seaport, 39, of Southsea, was last seen running along Goldsmith Avenue away from Fratton Park late yesterday after an interview with EIF News &am...
Read full storyKinky Catholic school worker "blows" all night and has "Nuns" all day!
A sexy, rather kinky lady, Mrs K.M. who works for a Catholic school as a support to nuns leads a rather naughty, energetic double life. At night she sucks and blows for £800 pound a session and in the daytime she has "nun". The poor wages at the s...
Read full story"Get Some In My Son!"
Part time Prime Minister Dave Cameroon has told how he and his sexually wanton wife Sam keep their romance alive with weekly date nights. The part time PM said that despite his busy schedule of globe trotting and escort girl sampling , he and Sam...
Read full storyHislop's Hat called to Hacking enquiry
Notorious quip-merchant and panellist on 'Haven't I got News for You?' Ian Hislop's hat is to be called to give evidence at the Leveson inquiry into press ethics. The famous fedora has so far refused to speak but is expected to give evidence follo...
Read full storyMercedes to produce the world's safest car
Mercedes are already well known for their extensive feature list and super safe cars. Now, they have gone a stage further and produced what they claim is the safest car in the world. Although only currently in concept stage, they may have a point.
Read full storyCameron's Liner U Turn Shock
David Cameron has shocked his colleagues by deciding to support the suggestion from Education Secretary Michael Gove that the Nation should buy the Italian cruise liner 'Costa Concordia' as a present for the Queen on her Diamond Jubilee. Initially...
Read full storyEnglishmen Losing Their Macho Image And Turning Into Effeminate Wimps
The popular global image of Englishmen being shaven headed beer swilling brutes, shirtless in sub-zero temperatures, snarling, shouting a lot, and making rude remarks accompanied by obscene gestures to passing ladies, fighting in lumps, and having kn...
Read full story'Now the Carnival is Over' as Kate Middleton wedding portrait spotted floating inside stricken Costa Concordia
Rome - Rumors that the Carnival Dream Class cruiser was hexed right from its 2006 launch took a new twist today. The royal wedding picture, seen by divers trying to blow a large new access hole in the capsized vessel, has confirmed the very worst.
Read full storyCBeebies signer arrested over terrorist suspicions
A sign-language provider for the very young children's channel on the BBC, handily abbreviated to CBeebies, has been arrested this morning after allegations that he was using sign language to communicate terror related instructions to terrorist cells...
Read full storyWar on Gingers Goes Global, Sarah Ferguson Charged in Turkey
The existence of a clandestine anti-ginger movement was confirmed this week following charges levied against Sarah Ferguson by the country of Turkey for foreign relations tampering. After considering the finality of a jail sentence lasting 22 years,...
Read full storyGovt Scheme To Help Elderly Downsize Championed By Local Entrepreneur
A local businessman has offered to help with Government proposals to help elderly people 'downsize' while providing accommodation for young families. Housing Minister Grant Shapps announced yesterday that local councils should offer to help pensio...
Read full storyNina Dobrev will quit Vampire Diaries if she has to kiss Ian Somerhalder again: Wait, what?
Actress Nina Dobrev has threatened to quit the CW hit show, The Vampire Diaries, if she has to shoot another kissing scene with Ian Somerhalder. Despite all the online rumors that claim Nina and Ian are dating, Nina Dobrev set the record straight to...
Read full storyBBC's Borgen A 'Danish' Con Says Local Man
Hit Danish drama, Borgen, has been exposed as a con by a local TV expert. The show, which details the trials and tribulations of a woman prime minister trying to keep a coalition government together in Denmark, is the latest Scandinavian success s...
Read full storyFrance AAA credit downgrading blamed on Strictly Come Dancing presenter Bruce Forsyth
The blame for the credit downgrading of France was laid at the door of Strictly Come Dancing presenter Bruce Forsyth today. The Eurozone has been in crisis recently with bail-outs to Greece, Portugal and Ireland, while other countries like the UK...
Read full storyDoubling of old age care costs stirs shares in 'backhanded slaps' market
News that the families of millions of UK pensioners will be forced to pay twice as much for them to stay in a care home has seen stocks and shares in the mashed food and backhanded slap markets soar to unprecedented new heights. Market's across t...
Read full storyStand up comedians in serious trouble
Rome, Italy. The captain of the capsized cruise liner Costa Concordia has escaped Police custody and is believed to be on a boat being navigated by a bunch of stand up comedians from Chicago, Illinois. What reason these people have for freeing the...
Read full story2012 Mayan Prophecy: The End Of The World - A 'How To Survive' Guide
It's a fact. The world is ending this year, or so say the experts who are pretending they can read the ancient texts of the Mayan people, that long ago vanished Mesoamerican tribe. So, I thought it would be prudent to cover a few final points before the destruction of mankind. And if I can, help you survive it. This is my 'How To' guide in how to survive the apocalypse. Hold on tight,...
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