Written by Nick Hobbs

Tuesday, 17 January 2012

image for Travel Chaos As Fly-Tipper Dumps World's Largest Stash Of Mini Bounty Bars
A Snickers bar, nicer and more respectable cousin to the Bounty.

There was travel chaos today, as the M40 was closed after someone dumped a lorry load of mini Bounty bars on the northbound carriageway.

Over five tonnes of the coconut filled chocolatey treat were left on the motorway between 3:30 and 4:15am this morning, by an unknown fly-tipper.

Highway police are currently checking through several hours worth of CCTV footage from several camera's along the route, but are currently unable to pinpoint any viable suspects.

Detective Inspector Charles Roderick-Basildon told us "we are confident an arrest will be made, but we are unsure as to the exact time of the crime taking place. This is making it somewhat more difficult."

When asked about his thoughts on where the stash had come from, the DI was also not sure.

"We have asked the manufacturer of any known thefts from their manufacturing plant, but they have not had any reports of a robbery," he told us "our thought is that they are an accumulation of unwanted post-Christmas treats."

It seems that the partially edible treat is the same as you would find in the popular confectionery selection pack 'Celebrations'.

"I could see that the most likely cause is that over the years someone who does not eat the coconut based snack has put them to one side after finishing a tub of the miniature scale chocolate favourites. After amassing around five tonnes of the product, it was obviously time to discard them," he said.

"A quantity of this kind would have made it extremely difficult to live a normal life, as whole rooms would have been taken over by the mass of coconut and chocolate," he continued.

"There was obviously far too many to put in the food recycling bin, to discard them that way would have taken several years, and the local tip would not have taken them, as they are classed as a foodstuff. So it would appear that the perpetrator decided to dispose of them illegally."

Police are asking for any information in the apprehension of the phantom fly-tipper.

"Someone must have seen something. It's quiet at that time of the morning, but there is always some traffic around. Or did you notice any neighbours acting strangely? The potent odour of unseasonable and non-native coconut lingering in your cul-de-sac? We really need the public to come forward on this," he stated.

The motorway was re-opened at 10:30am, after a digger had loaded the chocolates on to a council tipper-lorry.

The chocolates will be despatched humanely at a local old peoples home.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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