Traces of Plutonium 210-style nerve agent on Eric Joyce bar bill?
London - Charged with three c*unts of common assault tonight the evidence is piling up high against Falkirk MP Eric Joyce. Police sources said this evening they were looking into Wednesday night's Strangers Bar CCTV footage where a Commons barman...
Read full storyBraun Cites Superior Masculinity as Cause of Elevated Testosterone
It was announced Thursday that Ryan Braun's 50-game suspension was overturned by baseball arbitrator Shyam Das. This marks the first time in MLB history that any player has successfully appealed a drug related suspension. Braun tested positiv...
Read full storyMethane gas discovered up cow's arse
A herd of cattle could solve a Yorkshire village's heating problems. Wetwang vet Rod Uppingham thought he'd located a massive supply of methane gas during a routine pregnancy test on a 5-year-old Friesian at a Wolds farm. Farmer's wife Iris Niff...
Read full storyObama's Half Brother Sponsors Dinner In Nairobi Slum: Raises $36.00 For Campaign Fund
BILLINGSGATE POST - George Hussein Onyango Obama, Barack's half-brother, put together a campaign fund raising dinner last night in his ramshackle hut in the town of Huruma on the outskirts of Nairobi, Kenya. Inviting 36 of his closest friends for...
Read full storySandcrapper The Cat (Goosey Holler, Bluegrass #3)
Goosey Holler, Kentucky Although her cat went missing in 1981 when Mrs Candace Spencer moved to West Goosey Holler, Kentucky, unfortunately her cat is still nowhere to be seen since she moved to her new home 30 years ago. "I let Sandcrapper out at about six that morning but told him to be back by eleven when we would be leaving for our new home. But when I finally arrived at my new home...
Read full storyNorth Carolina pastor burns two hundred copies of Winnie the Pooh at author's grave site!
The Reverend T. J. McCorkle of Louisburg, NC was apprehended yesterday in the village of Hartfield, the UK, for burning two hundred copies of A.A. Milne' s famous children's book, Winnie the Pooh! The action took place at A.A. Milne's gravesite amid...
Read full storySteven Tyler and Shakira To Record An Album Titled, "Lips & Hips Sing The Songs of Justin Bieber"
LOS ANGELES - Steven Tyler, the lead singer with Aerosmith and member of the American Idol judges panel has just announced a musical collaboration with none other than the Colombian firecracker herself Shakira. Tyler was quoted in The Showbiz Gaze...
Read full storyMaine Coons: lactose intolerance or congential promiscuity?
London - A TV vet has advised owners of the giant American kitties that giving them cows' milk 'makes them loose'. Viewers were left reeling with confusion as footage was played of a pedigree tortoiseshell female Maine Coon schmoozing a scrawny i...
Read full storyHouse of Commons 'A Knockout'
The House of Commons has taken a major step in reasserting it's position as Britain prime Boxing Centre. No slapping or gentle nudges, as in the latest fracas at the ringside but REAL BOXING, with blood and broken windows. It was joice all round...
Read full storyAyres Rock alien-Dingo hybrids 'like Africanised killer bees': report
Northern Territory - A Northern Territories coroners court's fourth postmortem probe into baby Azaria Chamberlain unexplained death 30 years ago heard some unexpected evidence today. Experts in veterinary forensics have identified rogue alien-Din...
Read full storyHeidi Montag Admits To Having A Big Time Erotic Crush On The Twilight Saga's Rob Pattinson
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Heidi Montag and Joan Rivers seem to be competing with each other to see which one can get the most plastic surgeries done. According to a recent article that appeared in the medical publication Say Ahh titled The Wonders and Whys...
Read full storyPub landlady Marian Curly loses football court case
The English Premier League has won their court fight with Pub landlady Marian Curly over selling the Greek Beer 'Sky' at Premier League games. They have spent nearly £8,000,000.00 in fines and costs for selling Greek beer and Ouzo cheaper than the...
Read full storyWaterstone's to lose the apostrophe
High street book retailer, Waterstone's, have announced that they will be dropping the apostrophe from their name. "In the internet age," said Walter Stone (no relation), PR spokeswoman for the company, "an apostrophe causes confusion and is quite...
Read full storyLoft insulation installers want the regulations to be changed
With less than a dozen houses left in Britain to have loft insulation installed to the recommended depth by the Government, loft insulation companies are lobbying for a change in the law. "We estimate that we have about two hours worth of work lef...
Read full storyThe Truth Is That It IS All About The Money For Jessie J - 'Domino' All About Ker-ching!
London born pop star Jessie J - who once sang proudly that it's not about the price tag, the money, the bling, the ker-ching! of the cash registers, but about a desire to make make the world dance, has been lambasted as a hypocrite by a woman who cla...
Read full storyBank advert 'not shit and annoying'
A major high street bank is today at the centre of a storm of controversy over claims its latest advert is not complete shit and fucking annoying. The advert, launched this week, features none of the trademarks that the British public have come to...
Read full storyWhen It Comes To Lies, The Democrats Can Do It, Too
As a registered voter you have an obligation to educate yourself on he issues, especially since it has become so hard to differentiate between what is truth and what are outright fabrications. The O'Reilly Factor, right wing radio, and the Republican debates have been nothing more than liars conventions, as distortions, "readjustments of reality" and outright lies have become the center of the GOP...
Read full storyOctuplets: Eight is enough--Sibling rivalry already begun
HARFOLD, Vt. - Although the octuplets born to a mother in Vermont are doing "very, very well" and breathing on their own, the Denton clan is rife with sibling rivalry. While mother Nora Denton (31) recuperates in Harfold Regional Hospital, she mus...
Read full storyCrossing the road for physicists
The major cause for the loss of life among young physicists is road traffic accidents. Who knows how far humanity would have advanced if there had been a lollipop lady outside the Massachusetts Institute of Technology? However, with the aid of a few simple rules, a young bold physicist can become a middle-aged physicist by taking heed. All physicists are aware of the Heisenberg Uncertainty prin...
Read full storyRichard Dawkins in not absolutely certain about everything shocker!
Atheist fundamentalist, evolution crackpot and heir of the slave trade Richard Dawkins last night shocked many of his disciples as he admitted that he couldn't be certain that God does not exist. This is the first time on record where Dawkins has hin...
Read full storyFlab Fighters changed my life
Carol Heeney from Dorking has revealed how visiting Flab Fighters has changed her life. "Before I joined flab fighters," she said, "I weighed twenty-two stone. Something had to change." Her friends noticed how she changed, and commented on it r...
Read full storyLady Gaga Running Out Of Costume Ideas Shows Up To A Cher Tribute Wearing A Lap Dancers Outfit
MANHATTAN - Lady Gaga was the featured performer at The Musical Tribute To Cher which was held at The Radio City Music Hall. The event sponsored by CoverGal's New Revolutionary Eyelash Extenders was attended by several noted celebrities including...
Read full storyJennifer Aniston Has Remarked That If Brad Pitt Leaves Angelina Jolie She'll Take Him Back In A Snap of Her Finger!
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Jennifer Aniston was recently getting her hair trimmed and she told her hairdresser FuFi Fondue that she has been keeping up with the goings on in the Pitt-Jolie-Thornton carnival sideshow. Aniston who was married to Pitt before...
Read full storyThe Titanic Would Never Have Hit That Iceberg Had Mark Wahlberg Been Aboard, According To Mark Wahlberg
BOSTON--A-list action star and D-list daydreamer Mark Wahlberg, is once again a total badass and hero of the world, in his mind. In an interview with Men's Journal, Mr. Wahlberg claims that if he had been on board the ill-fated Titanic, he would have...
Read full storyPop Duo's Album Banned
Veteran pop duo Jimmy Rhythm and Ricky Blues, better known as Jimmy and Ricky to their ten's of fans, yesterday spoke out in the wake of their latest album being banned from all major radio station playlists. The experimental duo's latest offerin...
Read full storyCameron and Clegg Sort Out MP's Brawl in Commons Bar!
Further details have now emerged regarding a brawl between MP's in a House of Commons bar on Wednesday night. The brawl is said to have started around 11pm in a Commons bar reserved for MP's and their guests when Labour MP Bill Joy accused ex-Austeri...
Read full storyNewt Gingrich Demands That Obama's Head Be Hermetically Sealed And Frozen
BILLINGSGATE POST: In a last minute face saving development, Newt Gingrich demanded that President Obama's head be put into a hermetically sealed bubble so that flies wouldn't mistake it for an over ripe pumpkin during Presidential debates this fall.
Read full storyAnother View of the 2012 US Presidential Candidates
Hog Jaw AR: MSNBC News correspondent Pat Buchanan's employment with the network was terminated while he was on assignment in Arkansas. Pat was interviewing 102 year old Rufus Sharpton about the 2012 presidential candidates. Rufus was born here in...
Read full story'Rapist of the Year' Award's Controversy
Rapist of the year, Barry Trifle, was stripped of his award yesterday by the P.R.A (Professional Rapists Association) after it emerged he wasn't a rapist at all. When asked what he thought of the decision Mr. Trifle commented, "Its a bloody disgr...
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