Written by Bureau

Friday, 24 February 2012


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image for Sandcrapper The Cat (Goosey Holler, Bluegrass #3)
Sandcrapper Never Made It To New Home

Goosey Holler, Kentucky

Although her cat went missing in 1981 when Mrs Candace Spencer moved to West Goosey Holler, Kentucky, unfortunately her cat is still nowhere to be seen since she moved to her new home 30 years ago.

"I let Sandcrapper out at about six that morning but told him to be back by eleven when we would be leaving for our new home. But when I finally arrived at my new home I checked in the cat basket and he warrent there. Then it dawned on me that I'd forgotten him." - Mrs Spencer recalled.

Candace Spencer has been sending letters to her old home three blocks over in East Goosey Holler ever since, with detailed maps and instructions on how Sandcrapper should make it to her new West Goosey Holler household.

"After purt neart 30 years, it's not so new anymore", she told the 'Goosey Holler Screaming Jumper', "but some of these old rusted trailers really hold up. It does need a new set of wheels; maybe a fresh hay bale or two underpinning though."

Also, we noticed, the floor in the back bedroom had fallen through with the bed on the ground and the into hay under the trailer.

"My only hope is that one day Sandcrapper may read one of these letters or your article in the 'Goosed Holler Screaming Jumper' and come find me. Cats are intelligent aren't they? They can do tricks like read, I saw it on a television commercial once. Hopefully Sandcrapper will be just as talented. He's a Manx. I think. No, he's a Maine Coon...a black Maine Coon...or maybe he was a calico. I know for sure he gave birth to three calico kittens."

The current occupiers of Candance Spencer's previous trailer are said to be furious with the daily letters addressed to a Sandcrapper..

The Wayne Kerrs have written to Mrs Spencer countless times explaining that they haven't seen the #&*%$# cat and that it's probably dead by now anyway. "For Pete's sake", stated Wayne Kerr, "We get her stupid letter every day except Sunday and seven on Monday! I don't think she does much on Sunday except write to that cat. She must realize that it would be over 30 years old by now!"

"Meanwhile, the old fart sits out there on her bicycle in the dark all night some nights, watching our trailer. The police won't do anything. We finally moved the trailer backwards so she wouldn't see us having sex. We also got a sound maker so we couldn't hear that "HEARRR SANDCRAPPER!! HEARRRR SANDCRAPPER!" half the night.

Why not get a restraining order we asked.

"Aweeeell..she does include a $5 in a letter ever once in awhile. That's probably cause I have brung her a dozen cats from the shelter over the years!"

As of this writing, the mystery of 'The Disappearance of Sandcrapper' continues.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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