Local Couple Have Big Night Out
Local couple, Martin and Anne Shuttlecock went for a big night out this evening, in order to celebrate Anne's ongoing recovery from major surgery, and her subsequently excellent prognosis. Various options for the big night out were explored, before Anne finally elected to go shopping at the new Tesco store in downtown Dorking. The one by the roundabout with the really confusing array of traf...
Read full storyOsborne's 2013 draft budget found on London train
A leaked copy of George Osborne's draft Budget for next year has been found abandoned on a Virgin train travelling from his constituency in Manchester. The draft budget has been graded by an as-yet-unnamed economics professor, notable by the heavy...
Read full storyMurdoch announces young, cutting edge replacement for The Sun
In a move that has surprised many, Rupert Murdoch has announced a new venture that aims to replace the current Sun newspaper team with an emerging tabloid written exclusively by the under-5 age group. The move is said to be fuelled by a discovery...
Read full storyWacko Jacko fedora-shaped UFO in Whitney cortege flypast
Newark, New Jersey - "That's gotta be Wacko's heavenly runabout," a Nesbitt Street MUFON aficionado told reporters, "I just seen a pic of his ape Bubbles etched in dayglo pink on the side of the fuselage." The Sussex Avenue location has always bee...
Read full story"Romney: "I DID NOT say that Rick Santorum dressed up in his mother's clothes in high school!"
Mitt Romney issued a statement today denying that he never said at a closed meeting of supporters that Rick Santorum dressed up in his mother's clothes when in high school. "What I said," stated Romney," was that I heard he dressed up in his moth...
Read full storyThe Mystery Of Puddleby Cove - Featuring The Spiffing Six - Episode Three - Part Two
The story so far - what precious little there is of it - the Spiffing Six have travelled to Aunt Peg's cottage on the Cornish coast, for the summer hols. Nothing really noteworthy has happened thus far. The Six, (Of whom there are really only four.) appear to have done nothing much, other than get drunk, smoke some weed, overeat, and pissball about trying to follow some chap who was larking about...
Read full storyTurd Burglars Call For "Brown-Out" Boycotting Gay Sex After Governor Vetoes Same-Sex Marriage Bill.
Homosexuals state-wide are putting their wedding registries at Block Party and Andrew Christian on indefinite hold, now that a certain gigantic, half-witted Republican Governor has vetoed a law which would make same-sex marriage legal in his state. [...
Read full storyDead Junkie Snarls Traffic In Newark, NJ
Those who are compelled to drive through the streets of Newark, whether to go to work, buy cheap meth, or --God forbid-- go home will find traffic ground hopelessly to a halt, this is in the wake of a funeral for a known drug abuser who died last wee...
Read full storyNobody Likes You? - Sorry, There Isn't An App For That
Apps are wonderful things - they provide all manner of solutions to all manner of situations, demands, foibles, and even sexual desires. But if nobody likes you? There isn't an app for that. And software engineer Johnny Soffit should know - he's been trying - and failing - to develop such an app for years. "It all started when I received an Email from a person who claimed that nobody w...
Read full storyNew WindX for Windows
The next generation of PC performance software is here. WindX for Windows is a new program designed to keep your computer clean and ready for installation of any new programs. "If you're ever going to install something, it's best for your compu...
Read full storyScientists Discover Secret to Suspended Animation
Scientists have discovered the secret to suspended animation! For years scientists have experimented with extreme low temperatures to achieve a state of suspended animation in humans, but have now finally cracked the code. "By pumping pure aspa...
Read full storyU.S. Epidemic of Restaurants Living Up To Their Name
People all over the country are exercising caution before selecting a destination for an evenings dinner after a man's heart attack at The Heart Attack Grill starts a pandemic of restaurants living up to their names. Reports from all over the countr...
Read full storyArgentina set their sights on Caribbean Islands
Frustrated by the United Kingdom's militarisation of the disputed Las Malvinas Islands Argentina has turned its attention on an island group in the Caribbean, who they consider have weaker patronage and will be less of a problem to invade and annex f...
Read full storyHow To Get Ahead At Your Job
Studies have found that the best way to get ahead at work is basically, to "slack off." The Institute of Medical Latent Apprehensive Zoological Yodeling released their findings today from a year long study of local businesses and offices, on what ex...
Read full storyPolitical News for W/E 18th Februrary 2012 - with comments
Sunday 12th February 2012: Political Lies The economy: not as bad as feared Source: YouGov.co The economy, we are told, is still bad, and perhaps even getting worse. But, explains Peter Kellner, public opinion on the subject is improving. "Why?" Monday 13th February 2012: Political nepotism - Fraud Expenses Scandal Is Back - as MPs Claims Soar Again Source: Express.co Anger over the...
Read full storyDutch society grinds to a halt as masked, fancy-dressed carnivalists get totally pi++ed!
Holland, being a very small, flat nation has ground to a halt at the beginning of the carnival season as millions of hair-brained Dutch people stormed the city and town centres, totally pissed and high. This annual event of over-joyful dancing, bo...
Read full storyKiddie Cappuccinos Sold in Brooklyn; Ho-Hum, Say Kids
The latest rage in Park Slope Brooklyn is the fake cappuccino, developed to convince toddlers they're getting designer drinks just like the ones adults are ordering up. Yeah, right! A spoof reporter who understands baby talk has conducted interviews with a number of Brooklyn toddlers and has discovered that they are not deceived. Moreover, they are disgusted by the charade. Here's a sample...
Read full storyNottingham News for W/E 18th February 2012 - with comments
Monday 13th February 2012: Topic: Nottingham Crime Failed asylum seeker committed £14k benefits fraud in Nottingham Source: This is Nottingham Mohammed Hossein Gholamy, 27, of Maud Street, New Basford, had denied the charges but was found guilty at Nottingham Magistrates' Court. The court heard that after being refused asylum, Gholamy made further representations about his claim in June 2009...
Read full storyThe New York Knicks 23-Year-Old Basketball Sensation Jeremy Lin Says That Madonna Wants To Adopt Him
NEW YORK CITY - The city of New York has been griped by Linsanity, Linmania, and dozens of other Linspired buzzwords. But Harvard grad and New York Knicks Lincredible player Jeremy Lin who is only 23, is taking it all in stride and at times appear...
Read full storyProm King Declares War on Rival High School
Keokuk,Iowa-As his first official act as Prom King Of Dominion High School,his royal highness, Daniel Rufus, has Declared war on rival Newcastle High. The declaration, which took everybody by surprise, was issued just moments after the Prom Court was...
Read full storyLiam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus Getting Into A Tit For Tat Tiff Over Her Tattoos
MALIBU BEACH - Miley Cyrus and her Australian boyfriend Liam Hemsworth recently attended a party in honor of the stars of The Vampire Diaries Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev. The shindig was held at Rob Pattinson's luxurious Malibu Beach house kno...
Read full storyDemi Lovato Explains Her New Totally Blonde Look
HOLLYWOOD - Demi Lovato has had more than her share of ups and downs the past couple of years. And just when it looks like things are back on track something seems to come out of leftfield to derail the young singer's cheerful trip down the railro...
Read full storyThe Scandalous Rumor Mill Focuses In On Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev Stars of The Vampire Diaries
HOLLYWOOD - Two of the most popular and well-liked individuals in LaLaLand are Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev who star in CW's The Vampire Diaries. The celebrity couple has been rumored to have recently ended their relationship. But like Somer...
Read full storyInchcock and Arm: Are you being served? Episode One
Mr Arm, stood behind the worn out oak counter, looking through the previous days receipts. Monday had been busy, as usual, and still some weekly accounts had not been settled. no need to panic, Rothchilds always paid its bill. Arm closed the receipt book, and began dusting the counter in readiness for opening time. Eight o'clock, sharp. In the forty years, they had been in the city, the shop ha...
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