Dead Junkie Snarls Traffic In Newark, NJ

Written by anthonyrosania

Saturday, 18 February 2012

image for Dead Junkie Snarls Traffic In Newark, NJ
And IIIIIIIIIIIIIII... Am dead. Too soon? (Hilarious comedian John Tosar wrote the joke. I just stole it.)

Those who are compelled to drive through the streets of Newark, whether to go to work, buy cheap meth, or --God forbid-- go home will find traffic ground hopelessly to a halt, this is in the wake of a funeral for a known drug abuser who died last weekend.

This story is clearly not about Whitney...
... Houston, whose corpse also happens to be Exhibit A at a funeral today. Houston, who died Saturday, was never a drug abuser, and certainly would not be host to a funeral in scuzzy ol' Newark.

"F**k," cried 46-year-old D'Frountdowr D'Ainntclosed, who lives in only-slightly-less-shitty Nutley, NJ. "Alls I wanted to do is finish work, use my Families First card to buy malt liquor and a handjob, and go to bed."

"This is some bullsh!t," he concluded, before robbing and savagely beating another man in frustration. 

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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