Jordan To Marry Again, Divorce Lawyer Orders New Yacht
Everybody's favourite media whore, Katie Price (AKA Jordan) is set to get hitched for a third time. The latest sap who has fallen for her apparent charms is Argentinian model Leandro Penna. Jordan, 32FF, who has three children by eight differen...
Read full storyAcronym Trading Cards Hottest New Trend
In a strange turn of events, the once obscure Acronym and Initials Trading Cards by Literary Trading Cards (LTC) are overtaking the once popular Pokémon, Star Wars, and baseball trading cards. Dave Adams-Villa, Esquire (or just DAVE to his friend...
Read full storyFDA Re-Classifies Caesar Salad as Health Food
To the surprise of many nutritionists and health experts, the Food and Drug Administration has announced a revision to its "Good for You" food list, which will now include the long-time pseudo-healthy menu choice known as the Caesar Salad. A tradi...
Read full storyOnline Dating And Cheryl Cole
Unlucky in love (and crap at singing) Cheryl Cole (or is it the artist formally known as Cole?) is to use (have we put too many sets of brackets in the opening sentence?) online dating to help her find a mate. Into whom she can lay her eggs and contr...
Read full storyUPS Exposed: No Packages Delivered Since 2008!
To millions of Americans who, for years, have encountered difficulties in receiving packages scheduled for delivery by the United Parcel Service, it arguably came as little surprise when an investigation by the Federal Bureau of Investigation recentl...
Read full storyBarking residents' fury at surfers-to-heir missals plan
Isle of Dogs - Proposals to stream e-copies of Prince Charles' online Book of Common Prey into Olympics residential blocks have been slammed by locals. A report this weekend said registered browsers of the Dodgy Originals website are determined to...
Read full storyMad Old Woman Banned From First Buses
Our nations' pensioners are sure to throw their arms into the the air, in despair, if they're able to, after one of them was unceremoniously ejected from and subsequently banned from all 'First' bus services for the rest of her life, what's left of i...
Read full storyWe're not having babies says Will
London, England. His Royal Highness, Prince William, has strenuously denied that he and the Duchess of Cambridge are preparing to establish a family. Recently seen nursing a subject's babe, Prince William was adamant that this didn't mean that he was...
Read full storyOMG! Sam Cam once dated Liam Fox, Jeremy *unt and David Laws before settling down with Big Dave
London - A new book published this week lays bare Sam Cam's love life before she married her knight in shiny armour. It paints a vivid picture of a political groupie hardwired by DNA to land a top bloke. Some of her dates fell quickly by the wa...
Read full storyNo Prisoners Taken By Miami Heat
"Back to the drawing board," chimed one hapless New York Knickerbocker, Barron Davis who began to look like he was Barren of Gray Matter. Yes, the Heat burned the Knicks in a way that is unexpected even in playoff season. We could almost hear th...
Read full storyNew Contracts Shock
Contracts are being brought up to date by Government and Business magnets in the UK following the leads of Rupert Murdoch and Jeremy Hunt. We understand, from sources close to Power, that the following paragraph is to be included in all contracts...
Read full storyMy Senior Moments for W/E: 29th April 2012
Sunday 22nd April 2012 * Had to stop using computer, as the pains in hands got worse than ever, and I dropped my dinner, amazingly the plate did not break though! * PM hands a bit better, back on the keyboard! Monday 23rd April 2012 * Had a bath, 5 min's to run it, 16 minutes wash & soak, and 15 minutes to get out of it! * Went over to see Margaret and Stew, but they'd gone out. * Deci...
Read full storySelected Political News for W/E: 29th April 2012
Sunday 22nd April 2012 Topic: George Osborne "George Osborne is to spend 12 months talking to charities about the impact of his tax on donations!" Source: The People Extract It is the first sign the Chancellor is prepared to back down over the controversial move to cap tax relief on giving. "I want to sit down with the charities, get it right, and make sure they are protected," he said whil...
Read full storyNottingham News for W/E: 29th April 2012
Monday 23rd April 2012 Topic: Crime - Murder "Nottingham murder police in plea to taxi drivers" Source: BBC News Extract Police investigating the murder of a teenager outside a pub in Nottingham have appealed for taxi drivers who were in the area to contact them. Malakai McKenzie, 19, died from a gunshot wound following an attack outside the Hubb, on Hucknall Road, Sherwood, early on Saturday...
Read full storyBoy riding scooter rejects kiss from Fanning sister
11 year old Dakota Fanning today made her appearance dressed as Scarlett O'Hara at the 12th Annual Dream Halloween Benefit, which is held to raise money for children with HIV/AIDS every year in October. According to eyewitnesses, Dakota was seen w...
Read full storySalford woman wins the Manchester Marathon
The Manchester Marathon was won today by a forty-two year old woman from Salford called Annette Fisher. "I hadn't even realised I'd entered the marathon," said Ms Fisher. "I'd hung my bed sheets out on the line because it was quite windy and I th...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Tells Rosie O'Donnell To Mind Her Own Damn Business!
LOS ANGELES - Well there's one thing that's for sure and that is that Lindsay Lohan and Rosie O'Donnell will definitely not be exchanging gifts this Christmas. The former talk show host remarked that she did not like the fact that Lohan had been p...
Read full storyOnce Upon a Time In a Little Jewish Hacienda, 33CE
Judas Nobody here. Thomas Don't sweat it. He'll be right here. Judas Maybe he's on break. Thomas 10AM? I doubt it. Judas Well, I don't mind telling you, I'm getting tired of all this. Thomas All what? Judas The dirty work. Thomas What dirty work? Judas His dirty work. Thomas What do you mean? Judas "Follow me." "Feed the poor." "Get off Magdalene's...
Read full storyColombian Summit Caper Just Tip of Iceberg: Obama's Awkward Mid-Life Crisis
Now days Mr. Obama's wardrobe is more likely to have orginated at Hot Topic rather than Brooks Brothers, and his constantly changing hair styles range from Tu Pac Gangsta Rap Star spikes to Bob Marley-esque Reggae dreadlocks. A lot of men go throu...
Read full story24 Hour News Channel Goes Dark After Anchor Collapses
Just five days after it went on the air, Ape Pee News, a 24 hour news channel went dark this afternoon after it's one and only anchor person,Wayne Mathews,collapsed from fatigue. "Frankly, we're disappointed." announced Ape Pee Spokesperson, Rhond...
Read full storyBob Geldof Unimpressed with Grandson Being Named After a Crack Pipe
Faultlines have appeared with the normally publicity shy Geldof clan as Bob Geldof slammed his daughter Peaches for naming her child Crack Pipe in homage to the fallen saint of Camden town Amy Winehouse. Geldof was speaking from Africa, where he is o...
Read full story