Bob Geldof Unimpressed with Grandson Being Named After a Crack Pipe

Written by NerdInBriefs

Sunday, 29 April 2012

Faultlines have appeared with the normally publicity shy Geldof clan as Bob Geldof slammed his daughter Peaches for naming her child Crack Pipe in homage to the fallen saint of Camden town Amy Winehouse. Geldof was speaking from Africa, where he is on a fact finding mission to find a country that would be prepared to host a suitable famine for Live Aid 3. Breaking away from important talks with farmers to destroy their crops, he said he was disappointed that his daughter had chosen to not honour a fruit or root vegetable when choosing a name for his grandson.

Peaches earlier this month released a picture of her new born son cradled in her arms, along with his full name Crack Pipe Cohen Geldof, which she said had been given the official blessing by the spirit of Winehouse. Explaining the reason for the unique name, she recalled visions of Winehouse appearing to her through a series of dreams during the latter stages of pregnancy, combined with a taste for munching crushed glass and beehive wigs.

Relations broke down between father and daughter earlier this year, when she openly criticised her dad for not doing enough to save his old bandmates, the Boom Town Rats, from the after effects of the Irish recession and further damaging allegations that her dad felt the only way Africa would ever pull itself out of poverty and corruption, was if they learnt to recite Irish literature and studied the success model of Riverdance. Geldof felt humiliated and cut off contact with his daughter, retreating to his African project to stimulate another large scale famine.

Reaction has been mixed to grandad Geldof's reaction, with the Daily Mail slamming Bob Geldof for being more worried about finding starving children than his own flesh and blood. The Daily Mail has been very much in the pro Peaches camp since she fell out with her dad and has hailed her breaking the Geldof Live Aid curse, by naming her son after Winehouse's signature utensil; recognising that conservative middle England sees Peaches as a young women finding her own feet in the world.

The Daily Mail has been at the vanguard of running a campaign to make Amy Winehouse Britain's first Jewish saint. Pages of coverage have been devoted to Peaches new son, hoping the this will lead to a bounce in sales of their limited edition china models of Winehouse smoking crack made by Wedgewood, designed for the forthcoming anniversary commemorating her passing away.

Feminists writers were also up in arms at the hypocrisy of Bob Geldof for expecting his daughter to fit in with his antiquated views of women behaving like 60s hippies, and wrote an open letter in The Guardian, asking him to stay in Africa.

Crack Pipe meanwhile has become the most popular search name of Google UK in recent days whilst Baby Gap has approached Peaches to work on a collection for latter in the year.

Peaches has been unavailable for comment since her dad made the statement.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more