The Manuscripts of John A Statusboast III

Funny story written by Matt Brown

Thursday, 12 April 2012

Heya OMG I just had that awkward moment when you're so bored that you forget to wipe, ooh smelly fingers. Anyway I got so bored that I came on Facebook, but then Facebook bored me so I logged off but then I got bored so I went on Facebook, soooo random right?

Gonna have myself a big Facebook mooch tonight. I've got the popcorn on tap and a whole case of blue wkd's. Mom's gonna be so pissed when she sees how much popcorn I ate, bitch loves the stuff.

Just noticed as well that I must be a really good Farmville player because I've had like 7 requests in a day.

Went shopping today at The Pink Punk, yeah really trying to hit that punk-chic look cos Avril Lavigne and Evanescence are my freakin' heroes. I got a cute top that says Mom, STFU and there's a picture of Kelly Osbourne slapping her mom, and I got a little black bow for my hair, which I dyed pink.

After that I went to Maccy D's, wanted to try that new light and healthy option so I got 3 medium fries, two cheeseburgers and a extra-large milkshake. Yeah seems unhealthy but I heard that they were lowering their serving portions by 1.1g. That goes to show that McDonald's really care about their customers' health. They forgot my straw though so I rolled right back up in that joint and gave the cashier the dirtiest look ever. Yeah how am I supposed to get the milkshake from the cup to my mouth without a straw douchebag! They'll know not to do that again. Food's good but the service sucks. Pssht, tell me to drive up to window 2, I don't roll like that ya hear.

Anyway Corey is back from his missionary work. I've spoken to him a couple of times but it's really hard to get to know him, he seems so aloof. There's only a certain amount of time a girl can wait around for a guy though until she'll get bored. Hope he's not all pretentious and stuff, guy'd probably think his crap was enigmatic. He might still be gay though or maybe he's just a weekdaygay. You know gay for 5 days and then weekends are all about the ladies. Might explain why he's so flippant with me when I ask about the time he made out with them 3 lifeguards, David, Chad and Nick.

Going to bed now because I have to get up for work in the morning, whhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? OMG ROFL,LMAO, STFU, KYJ, BMW.

Ciao bella's

John

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more