We would have won Eurovision under AV say LibDems
While admitting that the final result could have been better, a LibDem spokesman insisted that Eurovision voting is open to "manipulation" and an unacceptable level of tribalism. The spokesman stressed that for several, very credible reasons the U...
Read full storyTSA to outlaw silverware in boon to plastics industry
Nevada - (Ruders) Janet Reno announced today that metal utensils would be outlawed and that plastic would be mandated for all kitchen and table ware. No glass, steel, silver, or other valuable commodities would be allowed in restaurants and homes.
Read full storyPippa Middleton Loves Eurovision
Pipppa Middletonn is a grate faun of the Eurovition, show. She aha's always loved to of watche'd it, from childhood when she, she was a child in her childhood at home in Whitby where her Dad was, away flying'g the Hull to Ostend flying bort's and now...
Read full storyLady Gaga meets Baby Googoo during American Idol rehersal
Rooters - In a surprising twist of events, related by a John, a stagehand at American Idol, a giant baby wearing nothing but a smile, fell onto the stage on top of Lady Gaga, knocking the fake mole off her face during rehearsals with Jamie who invol...
Read full storyParty Planner Pippa Middleton called upon to plan celebration 'do' for Queens Park Rangers-they've requested a cake in the shape of her 'bum'
Phillipa (Pippa) Middleton was the obvious choice of Queens Park Rangers to plan the upcoming celebration 'do' for the team as they move back into the English Premier League. Although a little hesitant when first approached, Pippa agreed and says...
Read full storyRichard Dawkins accused of being a yellow belly chicken sh*t!
Comedian and evolution fundamentalist, Richard Dawkins, is being accused of being a big chicken, according to 'highbrow' scandal rag, The Telegraph Apparently, the normally outspoken believer taunter has refused to debate the existence of God with...
Read full storyMay 21st Isn't Judgement Day - "That's Just Silly," Say Man United Fans
It's becoming increasingly clear that fans of Manchester United Football Club remain utterly convinced that internet rumours about May 21st being 'Judgement Day' and the end of the world are a load of old shite. "It's just a load of old shite is t...
Read full storyPink Floyd Split
Pop fans had to readjust their radio dials this evening after it was announced that 1970s supergroup Pink Floyd had split after having got back together just hours before, at a concert at the O2 Arena yesterday. Floyd stars Roger Waters and David...
Read full storyManchester City Win The FA Cup - Next Trophy Due In 2046
Following a 35 year hiatus, Manchester City finally became the pride of Manchester this afternoon, finally having their day in the sun, after for so long spent in the shadows of their illustrious neighbours. One second half strike by Yaya Toure de...
Read full storyStephen Fry Contemplates Quitting Twitter (Again) Over Daily Mail Jibe
Racist homophobes' newspaper of choice, The Daily Mail, is at the centre of yet more Twitter outrage today after it suggested that King of Twitter, Stephen Fry, is rather boring. The paper in a scathing article slammed many of Fry's 'tweets' as be...
Read full storyBlackpool And Bolton Recreate 1953 FA Cup Final
In what turned out to be a scintillating game of Premier League football - one of the finest ever to grace the top flight - Blackpool and Bolton Wanderers recreated their 1953 FA Cup Final match, with the Seasiders running out 4-3 winners. Blackpp...
Read full storyWayne Rooney Distraught As Chicharito Stubs His Toe In Ewood Celebrations
Having just secured a record breaking 19th league title, Manchester United players were celebrating in front of the massed ranks of their fans in the Darwen End at Ewood Park, when disaster struck. United secured the title-winning point they neede...
Read full storyFuture News: Britain's Got Talent Panel Replaced by JudgeBots
(Published 2016) LONDON URBEM - After the Great Media Crash of 2012, many studios are cutting back. ITV's Britain's Got Talent is no different. This year, the show will replace the judges on the panel with Panasonic JudgeBots, running Google's A...
Read full storySisters Sledged: Nuns Slammed For Getting Into Bad Habits
The Catholic Church was embroiled in another scandal today following Vatican-led criticism of the ways nuns dress. Pope Benedict believes that nuns should adapt more modern dress and has urged them to show a bit of leg in future. The Pope wants th...
Read full storyPakistan No Longer Blue
Max Clifford has been called in to change Pakistan's global image. Clifford has been summoned following recent unrest due to the OBL debacle. The U.S claimed to have captured OBL in a house in Abbottabad and inadvertently killed him and dropped him o...
Read full storyAl-Qaeda Finally Able to Achieve Dream of Opening Worldwide Food Chain
KABUL, AFG. - After the death of their leader, Osama Bin-Laden, a few weeks ago, the terrorist organisation has finally been able to carry out its true dream. "We decided before [Bin-Laden joined] that we'd open up some food stores. You know, a ba...
Read full storyQueen fails online dementia test
London - 'What Is A Realm?' and 'Where is Lord Lucan ?' are some of the tricky items on the official Palace website that continue to flummox the old soak. An annual medical also questions HM's obsession with roadkill-themed ass-ymetrical headgear...
Read full storyThe Secret Sadness Behind Jedward's Great Eurovision Song Contest Success
Friends of Jedward have tonight revealed that the fantastic duo's fabulous Eurovision song contest success has been overshadowed by a secret family sadness that not even their publicity machine will talk about. This secret tragedy happened almo...
Read full storyThousands of Naked Pictures & Porn Literature Missing From Spoof Discovered in Bin Laden Villa!
TheSpoof.com editor Mark Lowton was at a loss yesterday as news leaked out that a horde of illicit material, missing from his site for over a month, and worth millions of points, had been found by SEAL team 6 in the Pakistan raid that took out Bin La...
Read full storyGadaffi Hurt
News is coming in that Mummar Gadaffi, Libyan Dictator is hurt. One of his wives said she had had enough of his tantrums and refused to sleep with him. Even pleading on his knees and summoning various soothsayers had not won over his favourite titbit...
Read full storyFA Charges Fergie Over Ref Comments
The Football Association has charged Man Utd manager Sir Alex Ferguson with improper conduct following comments made about Howard Webb prior to his refereeing the crucial Premiership fixture with close rivals Chelsea. But, far from criticising the...
Read full storyWest Ham enter Eurovision song contest
Britain's chances in the Eurovision Song Contest were shot well over the bar with West Ham's late entry. The massed choir of the Bobby Moore Stand will be singing 'I'm for ever Blowing Bubbles' with the well known Bubble Girls supplied by David Go...
Read full storyCBS Replaces Charlie Sheen On 'Two and A Half Men' With Ashton Kutcher
HOLLYWOOD - The top executives at CBS are all as happy as woodpeckers in a Dutch wooden clog shoe factory. After meeting with actors Hugh Grant, John Stamos, Rob Lowe, and Jeremy Pivin the network and the creator, writer, and producer of Two and A...
Read full storyArsene Wenger Dismisses Merson Claims
Arssene Wenger has reacted angrily to claims made by Sky Sports' Paul Merson that he was axed by the Arsenal manager because of his poor standard of English. Merson, whose 13 year career with the North London club was ended after only 4 months of...
Read full storyLady Gaga Comes Clean Regarding The Two Alleged American Idol "Groping" Incidents
LOS ANGELES - Lady Gaga was recently asked about the two alleged gropings by her of two American Idol contestants. Lady Gaga appeared a few days before the live show and served as a mentor to the shows four remaining contestants Lauren Alaina, Hal...
Read full storyBin Laden Bin Wankin?
Did Osama like to crack one off? The evidence suggests that the recently deceased terror chief was a master at pocket billiards. It is claimed that he had more porno films than a Home Secretary's husband. Bin Laden may well have sought refuge in mast...
Read full storyAndy Gray Wins Record Pay Out
Football pundit Andy Gray has accepted £100,000 from the News Of The World after the paper admitted liability over reading his mail. The paper will make a full disclosure next week over the extent of their wrongdoing, but its understood that under...
Read full storyUS Court System At Breaking Point
A leading US judge has warned that the court system is at breaking point due to the amount of time spent on dealing with cases brought against Lindsay Lohan. The troubled singer and actress appeared in court more than 354 times in March on such di...
Read full storyJennifer Aniston Tells Piers Morgan That Her Breasts Are Much Prettier Than Pippa Middleton's - Morgan Agrees!
NEW YORK CITY - Jennifer Aniston looked stunning as she appeared on Piers Morgan Tonight. Aniston told Morgan that she is presently writing her autobiography which is tentatively titled The Damn Good Reasons Why I Can Get Guys But I Just Can't See...
Read full storyBoris Johnson To Join The Labour Party
Mayor of London Boris Johnson is to join the Labour Party in a bid to distance himself from David Cameron's Conservative Government. Following recent clashes between the two, Johnson has decided that he would stand more chance of being re-elected as...
Read full storyGreece To Join The Pound
Greece will leave the Euro and join the pound. The news was confirmed last night by Prime Minister Davos Cameron and the Chancellor Georgios Osbourne. Monetary union with Greece is not an official coalition policy, but nobody really cares about those...
Read full storyGuess Who The Last Guest Will Be On The Last Oprah Winfrey Show?
Due to the sudden demise of Oprah Winfrey's last scheduled guest on her soon-to-be-history eponymous TV show, she has once again pulled another PR coup. "We were all set with Mr. bin Laden," said Ms. Winfrey. "His people had it all worked out wit...
Read full storyRaincoat and Bowler Hat Sought by Police
Portsmouth - Constable Mike Millbury announced that they are on the lookout for a tatty raincoat and bowler hat approximately four foot two in height weighing three and one-half pounds, twelve to fifteen years years old, grey in colour but possibly a...
Read full storyNeil Warnock has warned Queens Park Rangers against sacking him after their return to the Premier League
It is now 'old news' that Neil Warnock has warned Queens Park Rangers against sacking him after their return to the Premier League. Neil Warnock has approached the Human Rights Association in connection with the rumour that Queens Park Rangers may fire him, after all of his hard work to get QPR back up into the EPL. His work with QPR and the amazing results cannot be disputed. His argumen...
Read full storyMel Gibson to marry the world's ugliest woman
The bright Los Angeles skyline beamed a special message Monday night for all to see, but intended for just one. The illuminated banner of Aerial Advertising from a plane glowed shortly before 8 p.m. with the ultimate marriage proposal. Spelled out...
Read full storyJedward Took Out Super Injuction against Simon Cowell in Run Up to Eurovision
It has been revealed today that Jedward's lawyers took out a superinjunction again Simon Cowell in the run up to their fantastic Eurovision Performances. The Super injunction was necessary because Simon Cowell doesn't have a nice word to say abo...
Read full story