Twenty-Seven Really Is The Loneliest Number!
Continuing a trend amongst some of this generation's earliest departures from earth, Amy Winehouse's name was added to a growing list of Super Novas in the murky, distorted world of rock and roll fame this week. The 27 year old singer songstress with the big voice and quirky style was found dead of an apparent drug overdose in her apartment, an end not altogether shocking after 4 years of...
Read full storyAmy Winehouse face appears on kebab pitta bread
London - A Delancey Street kebab take-away owner was gobsmacked this weekend after an image of Amy Winehouse's face popped up on some pitta he was toasting. Costas Parasitidis said the spooky cameo appeared suddenly the moment he heard about Wineh...
Read full storySpider sparks terror alert at Manchester Airport
A spider triggered an evacuation of Manchester Airport today when it was mistaken for a terror attack. It was not a massive mutated beast crushing planes under one of it's eight feet. It wasn't even a venomous spider. Or hairy. It was an ordinary...
Read full storyCustomer Thinks Her Opinion Matters, Company In Shock
DES MOINES, Iowa - Sears manager Jason Baker was taken to a local hospital after suffering from a severe case of apathy. The incident occurred when customer Sarah Jenkins, 37, approached Jason to tell him she had been a loyal customer for years and t...
Read full storyWedding planner crisis grips New York
Gay couples in New York can now legally wed in the state, but many are having difficulty setting wedding dates because of the unavailability of qualified wedding planners. "Everyone we talk to is either booked up, or is getting married some time i...
Read full storyObama and Boehner agree: 'We're not good at math'
Washington DC -- Pres. Obama and House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) have reached an agreement in their debt ceiling negotiations. The two leaders signed off on a joint statement today. It declared: "We're not good at math. So we've hired H&R...
Read full storyAmy Winehouse Dead: Singer Found At Home In Suspected Overdose
Smack Rat Amy Winehouse was today found dead in her North London pad. The R'N'B star was today confirmed to have been found in a pool of her own vomit, surrounded by dirty socks and needles.Although authorities are keeping tight lipped about events e...
Read full storyPunt, Pass, and Pissant World Cup to GOP Congress!
Journalists gathered in the nation's capitol today as Congressman Eric Cantor took the podium dressed in Revolutionary War garb and carrying a musket. The assembled Tea Party members also dressed in uniforms from the 1700's sang a song from the era,...
Read full storyPete Doherty to lead commemorative Camden pub crawl in honor of Amy
London - The ex-Babyshambles singer will front a week-long wake in tribute to the NW1 singer, arranged by local cultural society Friends of Camden Lock, Stock & Smoking Barrel Enterprises. Winehouse was the society's iconic poster girl and 'ra...
Read full storyEU Stealth Tax On Tattoos!
Just as calls come from Kent's Police Federation chairman Ian Pointer for police officers to be allowed to sport their tattoos when at work - to give them something to talk about with the young people they arrest - also comes the news that the EU is...
Read full storyQPR bid for cut price Crouch
QPR boss Neil Warnock is hoping to do a cut price deal with Harry Redknapp for Tottenham's lanky striker Peter Crouch. But while the skint Premier League new boys are unable to stump up a transfer fee, they could pay a significant proportion of th...
Read full storyThe Hour lasts for Six Hours - What else is the BBC lying about? by Mr Ray Ving, 79
Hello there, Well, call me an old duffer if you like, I am 79 you know, but I still have my own teeth and hair. They are kept in a box above my wardrobe. It is nothing weird, I just think that if I can be cloned in the future, then I should be. I have been watching the old beeb lately, as you do. There is a programme they are showing called The Hour. I sat down to watch it, thinking it woul...
Read full storyTabloid journalists under stress
Saturday was going to be an easy day in tabloid world. It's the first day of the school holiday, the weather is looking good and an early finish is on the cards. They had been working frantically over the past weeks on the Murdoch phone hacking scandal, secretly keeping back some juicy snippets for the front pages. Everything was going well, it was only twelve noon and the papers were all re...
Read full storyHappy Birthday to people celebrating their birthdays
In unrelated news, high street purveyor of books, stationary, stamps, cards, and other life materials WH Smith has wished a Happy Birthday to everyone who has a birthday today. Anyone who has a birthday today (1st April) can go into the shop, with th...
Read full storyHole in my Bucket - The Musical
A new musical, based on the song 'Hole in my Bucket' is set to be revealed to a paying public in New York tomorrow. 'Holes in a Plastic Bucket' is set in a high rise flat, when the taps are broken, and the inhabitants only have a bucket to take w...
Read full storyNews Media is really interested in itself
In breaking news, it has been revealed that the news media is really interested in itself. Like a teenager who can see no further than struggling with maths, pe, and their own growing sense of doom, the media has spent the week examining its own nave...
Read full storyDavid Cameron Launches Midsummer Murders Investigation
David Cameron, popular Prime Minister of the middle right has launched an investigation into the number of suspicious deaths in fictional murder hot-spot Midsummer, with particular emphasis being placed on Tom 'Bergerac' Barnaby and his various comed...
Read full story27 - Mathematics, Amy Winehouse and Crossroads
Twenty seven is a mystical number in several religions, including the religion that is modern mathematics. For a start, it is a perfect cube, three to the power three. Twenty-seven to the power three is 19,683. Add those numbers up (1 + 9 + 6 + 8 + 3), you get twenty-seven. Start counting the digits of pi at zero, and when you reach twenty-seven, there, in the digits of pi, is the number twenty...
Read full storyWinehouse Drug Addiction "Not Funny Now She's Dead"
Media sources have revealed that the fact that Amy Winehouse had drug and alcohol problems ceased to be amusing the very minute she died. Before that, obviously, the fact that she was merely clearly going to die young, was absolutely fucking hilar...
Read full storyPopular US Sitcom Enters Ninety-Fourth Season
There was excitement on British shores today as Cable Telly released news that the latest series of hugely popular US sitcom For Fuck's Sake! will soon be on our screens. Producer Martha Flogger, who created the series with David Deadhorse back in...
Read full storyIf Texas Governor Rick "The Electric Chair" Perry Runs In The GOP Primaries Sarah Palin Better Just Head On Back To Alaska
AUSTIN - The word out of the Texas state capital is that Governor Rick Perry has still not quite decided if he is going to run for the office of president of the United States. One of his good friends and fellow Texan actor Matthew McConaughey rec...
Read full story'Soylent Green is People' leaves City residents stunned, confused
It was a panic that had city parents on-edge for nearly three years. It started on the West Side on the back of a bus-stop canopy. No one really even noticed at first. Then it started showing up at the grocery store, in the schools, in forums online and even in IMs and texts among teenagers. Local police and parents were certain they were dealing with the the birth and spread of the next bi...
Read full storyThe Truth Behind The Kennedy Family Wedding Free-For-All Feud: Ethel, Vicki, and Joan All Bared Their Claws!
CAPE COD, Massachusetts - Patrick and Amy Kennedy's wonderful Kennedy Hyannis Port Compound wedding will be one which they will certainly always look back on with joy, happiness, excitement, and puzzlement. Everything went as planned, the place wa...
Read full storyCruise Ship Barack Obama Hits Iceberg
Halifax Nova Scotia: The Canadian government is reporting that the Cruise Ship Barack Obama struck an iceberg on 15 July 2011 while sailing about 400 miles (640 km) south of the Grand Banks of Newfoundland on the way to the UK. No loss of life was re...
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