Duchess of Cambridge Mistaken For Tree By Nesting Bird
A spokesman for the Duchess of Cambridge has announced that, yes, the rumours are all true. Kate was mistaken for a tree the other day, whilst on a tour of Birmingham with her husband the Duke. "The mistake was due to Kate's prettily decorated...
Read full storyEdward from Jedward and The Secret Girlfriend
Friends of Simon Cowell have tonight revealed that he has issued two newspapers with a super-injunction. The purpose of this super-injunction is very simple. Its to try to stop Edward from Jedward's secret girlfriend revealing all about their secre...
Read full storyCountry Music's First Lesbian Singer Chely Wright Has Married Her Girlfriend
NASHVILLE - Music City, has just announced the marriage of the first lesbian couple in the history of country music. Chely Wright, whose had such hits as "Shut Up And Drive," "Single White Female," and last years follow up song, "Single White Lesb...
Read full story'Stop Using Loch Ness As A Toilet' aliens told amid UFO 'blue ice' dump
Scotland - 'Mayday! Mayday! Extraterrestrial space shit attack!' The SOS message, picked up Saturday evening on marine emergency frequencies, saw Scotland's premier eerie loch trawled by rescue services after locals reported seeing a large blue b...
Read full storyScousers Shocked Rigid As Gary Neville Says Nice Things About Liverpool On Sky Sports
Liverpool is a city in shock. Native Liverpudlians could be seen shaking their heads and mumbling to themselves as they went about their business this morning. It wasn't so much that King Kenny's lads had gone down to dat Lundun and dismantled the...
Read full storyNews Of The World Closes: Rates of Paedophilia Increase
Rates of sexual crime against children have risen since the closure of The News Of The World, a new report indicates. In July Rupert Murdoch's best-selling newspaper closed down over phone-whacking. The NOTW led the UK in paedophile entrapment, of...
Read full storyRaising A Gender-Neutral Child
Loony liberals, fag hags and Swedes are all followers of a new trend - raising a child to be "gender-neutral". The child is raised to not follow any traditional male and female role models, but to be open to influences from both. The ideas have been around for a while. Hippies in the 1960s began to question society's traditional ways of raising children - blue and Action man dolls for boys and...
Read full storyBernanke Announces Unquantitative Easing
Federal Reserve Bank Chairman Ben Bernanke has announced a new round of quantitative easing to be termed Unquantitative Easing. Treasury Department Spokesmen said that the amount to be added to the money supply will be 'too much to count'. They ad...
Read full storyChina sends two guys to "just talk about" US debt
China sent a few guys who work in "waste management" on a trip to the White House recently to talk to President Obama about the money owed to China. A White House spokesman said that "some pretty big guys" showed up late one night and rang the...
Read full storyMidnight In Worthing - Dark Secrets Revealed
Midnight in Worthing is unlike midnight in any other British town or city. There is much about Worthing that is dark, evil, twisted, and best left unsaid. It has become apparent that Worthing is rapidly overtaking the world's leaders in the sleaze...
Read full storyFake England Shirts Flood the Market
Henry De Oeuvre, Chief of Greater Manchester Metropolitan police has issued a stark warning to England football fans. "We have noticed a large number of counterfeit England shirts hitting the market stalls around Manchester," said De Oeuvre. "Havi...
Read full storyGeorge Orwell sues Channel 5 after relaunching Big Brother starring only morons!
George Orwell, (well his ghost actually) creator of the "real Big Brother" is suing Channel 5 for using his vision in vain and replacing it with less than mediocre crap. Wannabee, worthless "superstars" are locked up in a house as the world or 5...
Read full storyHeadlines To Be BIGGER
Newspaper editors have been advised to make their Headlines BIGGER 'It is no use telling our stories' said a tabloid editor 'if people don't notice them.' The Tabloids have a real problem as the space available does not match that of the seriou...
Read full storyCow Market Sensation
We have had the Bear Market and the Bull Market but now financiers have thought up the Cow Market! This is when the Bull Market is overflowing and their is a slump into Cow Land, where members of the Stock Exchange move into the fields and lie dow...
Read full storyAugust Bank Holiday Cancelled
In a surprise move the Government has cancelled August Bank Holiday. 'In this age of austerity' explained Georgbe Osborne 'we cannot afford to waste time doing nothing for three days'. Cries of protest from those who have already booked holidays f...
Read full storyBlair to become a Saint
Plans to make the Rev Tony Blair a saint are far advanced in the Catholic Church. Pope Benedict is currently looking at several examples of Blair's saintly behaviour. Unfortunately a figure within the Catholic Church known to belong to a secret or...
Read full storyHerman Cain Says He Wants President Obama Impeached - Rev. Al Sharpton Says He Wants Herman Cain Deported To Africa
NEW YORK CITY - Reverend Al Sharpton has been keeping a rather low profile ever since the big New York Yankees - New York Mets Resin Bag Scandal of this past April. But that has now changed as the outspoken reverend has come out swinging at a stat...
Read full storyTeen changes speedometer to kilometers to impress buddies, girlfriend
HARFOLD, Vermont--Desperate to shed his reputation as a defensive driver, 17-year-old Arnold Tipfer changed his speedometer on his Honda Civic from miles to kilometers per hour in attempt to make it appear he was driving faster than he really was.
Read full storyGeneral observation leads to conclusion that my boy didn't act this way until he started hanging around your asshole of a son
My boy's a good boy and he always has been. He never lied, cheated in school, bullied anyone, used controlled substances, or fired a handgun. This is, until he started chumming around with your offspring. My boy was always home at an early time. And when he got caught up in traffic, he'd give me a call to let me know he was staying out later. But since he started hanging around that punk, he's...
Read full storyMan Offers His Bank Account to be Hacked/Net worth of $16 is said to be incentive for unusual offer
A man in St. Louis has offered his bank account to hackers -- providing that when they're done he be at least a dollar richer. "I'm broke already so every bit helps," he said. The unidentified man, who wishes to remain anonymous, logged into a...
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