Country Music's First Lesbian Singer Chely Wright Has Married Her Girlfriend

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 21 August 2011


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image for Country Music's First Lesbian Singer Chely Wright Has Married Her Girlfriend
Chely and Lauren's wedding rings were given to them by Rush Limbaugh. (Photo by Jane Lynch).

NASHVILLE - Music City, has just announced the marriage of the first lesbian couple in the history of country music.

Chely Wright, whose had such hits as "Shut Up And Drive," "Single White Female," and last years follow up song, "Single White Lesbianite Female" tied the same sex knot with her new husband Helen Hunt lookalike Lauren Blitzer in Connecticut.

Blitzer, who pointed out that she is no relation to either Wolf or Foxy Blitzer, has been a long time advocate for gay and lesbian civil rights movements as well as a staunch supporter of giraffe neutering and spaying.

She noted that she has personally skipped in over 60 parades including last month's Tucson, Arizona's Annual Sidesaddle Riders of Arizona Parade and Wiener-Bob.

Chely who is 40, but looks 30, said that her and Lauren who is 30, but looks 40, knew from the first time that they laid eyes (and hands) on each other that they were meant to be together as female wife and female husband.

She giggled as she said that they both share a tremendous passion for Scrabble, pumpkin pie, the color fuchsia, the horizontal hula, Clay Aiken music, and an extreme hatred for Glenn Beck, Tracy Morgan, and Adam Carolla.

Both bride and groom, or bride and bride, or groom and groom were dressed in white to signify the color of the French flag which is very near and dear to both women.

Over 200 guests attended the wedding ceremony including Melissa Etheridge, Rosie O'Donnell, Adam Lambert, Caledonia Schlitzmeister, Wanda Sykes, Nathan Lane, and Ann Coulter.

Coulter wanted it made perfectly clear that she, unlike a lot of the guests, is neither gay nor a lesbian.

She added that she really doesn't care who does the mattress sis-boom-bahhhh with who just as long as they don't touch her straight ass like Rosie O'Donnell once tried to do in the parking lot of a Brooklyn Burger Bitch.

The 200 guests feasted on lobster from Newburg, king crab from Alaska, rib-eye steaks from Kansas City, and jellyfish tacos from Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. Music was provided by The Village People.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: The original name of the national hamburger franchise Burger Bitch was changed in May after several consumer groups complained to the food chain that they felt the name was extremely inappropriate. After two months of heated debate from both sides the burger franchise gave in and they have now changed their name to Burger Ho.]

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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