Prince Philip bet a thousand quid on Alistair Cook scoring 500 in next England v India innings
Balmoral, Scotland - "Heheheh, gonna thrash The Darkies!" the old curmudgeon was heard muttering as the Palace's Aintgottaprayer.con sporting account accepted the wager last night. A tip-off about England star batsman Alistair Cook breaking Test r...
Read full storyPussy crisis strikes Chiswick
Chiswick is facing it's biggest pussy crisis to date, according to local resident Flossie Clunge: "They sometimes keep me up all night" said Miss Clunge, a retired cleaner from Turnham Green. A refusal by owners to neuter their pussies is being c...
Read full storyHow can you call yourself a Christian
Have you ever been asked "how can you call yourself a Christian?" How could you possibly be a Christian and do, see, think, listen, or agree with "that"? What I find very funny is "that" usually has nothing to do with behavior that could be defined as sin. The "that" is usually something like voting for a democrat, listening to rock n roll, or watching Teletubies on TV. Of course, all of t...
Read full storyRansom Notes to The Editor
Dear Sir, You are probably wondering what has become of your editor, Mr Lowton, as he has not been seen in your offices since last Thursday. The answer is simple: Your editor has been kidnapped, and is currently being held to ransom. He was taken by me during his lunch break, when he had popped out (as was his custom) to buy a sandwich from Greggs The Bakers across the road. I have been...
Read full storyNews-inventing robot breaks - unusual headlines everywhere
After 30 years of good service inventing the news that we read every day, the NewsBot has begun to show its age. Strange stories have been appearing recently, but today's story about "Bert and Ernie will not marry" has stretched the public's belief t...
Read full storySarah Palin Explains Why She Hates The Smurfs
WASILLA, Alaska - Sarah Palin recently spoke with Buck Yazoo of Yippee-Ki-Yay-Magazine and told him that she is planning on starting up her Nationwide Bus Tour again. He asked her if she was planning on using a bus. Palin gave him a puzzled look a...
Read full storyFlying cow lands on UK drivers bonnet!
A Friesian cow flew over a 3 foot high fence and landed on the bonnet of a passing Citroen C5 driven by an alien who was just about to make some crop circles in the next field. The cow has a double identity, a schizo cow in other words. Sometimes...
Read full story'The stock market is not getting enough sun,' says Obama
Washington DC -- Pres. Barack Obama says he has figured out what is causing the US economic slowdown, and that he knows how to cure the economy's ills. But a variety of experts disagree. "Wall Street is not getting its minimum daily requirement of...
Read full storyDave Cameron Arrested Over Riots
David Cameron was arrested today and charged with 'misleading the public about his role in quelling the riots in England. ' Sir Hugh Order fairly top Policeman, who may be even higher shortly, declared: 'We want to establish an accurate account of...
Read full storyBusted flush: Palm Jumeirah's famous shopping mall to be renamed Golden Shower Mile amid sewer collapse
Dubai, UAE - Residents of the Oceana billionaire housing complex are sorely pissed as plumbing repairs to their sanitation ground to a halt in the searing 110F tropical heat this week. "The nearest working lavatories are half a mile down the road...
Read full storyPrince Charles To Have Ear Operation!
It was announced yesterday from Clarence House that HRH Charles, The Prince of Wales is to enter the private St.Twinkle's Hospital in London's Park Lane early next month to have an operation to remove his ears. Following there removal from his head...
Read full storySomalian Football Federation Organise Friendly for Victims of Humanitarian Crisis
The Somalian Football Federation yesterday agreed to hold a money spinning testimonial for victims of a humanitarian disaster. Dekedaha have agreed in principle to play League Champions Super Shell at the Black Hawk Down Stadium in Mogadishu.
Read full storyDavid Starkey In Limbo As Lucid Considers Hounslow Offer
Broadcaster and historian David Starkey is being made to wait to learn if he is to take over from Ken Lucid at Maidenhead University. Prof Lucid, the controversial head of history at Maidenhead, had only been in the job for a few months by the end...
Read full storyMissing HTV-2 'spotted on Moon's scramjet graveyard' - reports
California - Remains of the Falcon Hypersonic Test Vehicle - the HTV-2 - have been spotted close to the Nectaris lunar impact crater. Dubbed by Brits as the 'Robin Reliant of future space travel' the US $300m hypersonic flop joins other Defence Ad...
Read full storyITV's Disastrous Summer Celebrated By TV Repair Man
ITV1 is suffering a disastrous summer as some of its new entertainment formats register appalling viewing figures. But entertainment vigilante group TV Repair Man sees the figures as justification for its stand against what it describes as moronic...
Read full storySpoof Bike Race: The Kidnapping! Chapter 5
"Listen you blaggerts, if were to have a chance in the Tour De Pants, we have to have a strong leader here," said J.O. commanding everyone's attention, "Little A bitchy here has a nice bike, but when he hits the first Piereneese mountoon stage, he's gonna fold like a saab air bag." "What are you suggesting then?" asked Jean a little taken aback by the comments about his abilities. "I'm sayin...
Read full storyGeorge Clooney Admits To Putting The Stunningly Sexy Stacy Keibler In Some Intimate Wrestling Holds
BEVERLY HILLS - George Clooney and Stacy Keibler, the gorgeously sexy former WWE wrestler, were seen having dinner at The Gunfight At The OK Corral Steakhouse in Beverly Hills. An employee of the popular restaurant stated that the two sat at an is...
Read full storyWe'll get Riot into it!
The Daily Hate newspaper went into meltdown today covering the trials of the people involved in the recent rioting across English cities and towns. "We've never had it so good!" exclaimed Hate Mail journo Scumbag Melcher "Every thing our readers...
Read full storyNorth Wales Riot Quickly Subdued By Locals
As public disorder and rioting has spread across Britain, it was only ever going to be a matter of time before an outbreak reached the sleepy Welsh valleys. However, this time the locals were ready and waiting. The folk of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgoge...
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