News-inventing robot breaks - unusual headlines everywhere

Funny story written by MonkeyInTheBath

Friday, 12 August 2011

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Everything you read in newspapers is made up

After 30 years of good service inventing the news that we read every day, the NewsBot has begun to show its age. Strange stories have been appearing recently, but today's story about "Bert and Ernie will not marry" has stretched the public's belief to breaking point.

NewsBot was built in the 1970s during a slow news week, when reporters couldn't think of anything to write about. It has grown massively and is now stored in a huge installation in the Nevada desert. Gradually it has become the main feed for all news outlets in the Western world. Quality stories will be delivered to various newspapers, who will modify it to suit their own style. Bad or ridiculous articles will usually end up on spoof websites. No "real" or non-NewsBot stories have appeared in a newspaper for at least 10 years.

The problems with NewsBot began this summer when it became obvious that there was no way journalists could really know the stories they were claiming to know. To protect NewsBot and to avoid revealing the truth, the phone-hacking story was made up. However, this only delayed the inevitable.

It is also believed that NewsBot is going through a mid-life crisis, having recently broken up with the weather computer. Its pension fund has decreased in value as well and NewsBot may not be able to afford the retirement home he has been dreaming of. If NewsBot does break down completely, then journalists will have to actually go out and see what is going on in the world.

Alternatively, China has its own NewsBot, which invents news for its domestic market. Because the two robots can invent contradictory stories, there is a news blackout within China. It is possible that with some modifications, the West can use the Chinese NewsBot, but initial tests are not promising. It is thought that current news about the failure of the US economy are actually propaganda invented by the Chinese NewsBot and intended for Chinese eyes only.

This article was written by the British NewsBot, which was built in Bletchley Park during WW2 to write stories to convince the public that the war had ended.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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