Barak Obama to order US to only import Kenyan Coffee. And then outlaws all other varieties.
President Obama announced his first Socialist act he was going to pass as soon as possible. Having already warned the US that he'd make decisions that might be unpopular. He stated in front of the world's media, 'we need to help the needy in so...
Read full storyRemembrance Service Abandoned As Crowd Forgets What It Was Supposed To Remember
A Remembrance Service in the Midlands, to commemorate the dead of the First World War and other conflicts, had to be abandoned today when the massed ranks of worshippers forgot what they were supposed to be remembering. As most people will know, G...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Cries Because Tits Uneven
Dogpatch TN-- Teen sensation Miley Cyrus burst into tears as she looked at herself nude in the mirror. "They don't match! They look like they are from two different women. What am I going to do?" she cried. The 'they' in question were the poor...
Read full storyGeorgina 'Satanic Sluts' Baillie And Mrs Jonathan Ross To Mud Wrestle In Public
Georgina Baillie, the girl at the centre of the Russell Brand/Jonathan Ross telephone prank scandal, has gone on record as saying she has accepted a challenge from Ross' wife, Jane Goldman, to settle their dispute with a bout of Mud Wrestling. Ro...
Read full storyHubble Telescope predicts Lottery numbers
Scientists who have spent the last 20 years looking further and further out into space in order to understand what happened billions of years ago, have announced a stunning new discovery. By turning the Hubble Telescope round a bit, astonished b...
Read full storyBig Cockroach Escapes
In a scene reminscince of the fifties classic, "The Cockroach What Ate Queens" people on Oak Street near the abandoned house at 311 are staying up all night even though a Neighborhood Watch group was formed this past Sunday. At least three peopl...
Read full storyExcommunicated parishioners say Opus Dei priest is Georgina 'Satanic Sluts' Baillie's father
London - (OMFG! Mess): London's top Opus Dei pastor has been identified as the blood-father who spawned 'Satanic Sluts' stripper Georgina Baillie. His former North London parishioners say they were excommunicated after claiming the Opus Dei inquis...
Read full storyBrothers Should Pull up Their Pants
"Brothers should pull up their pants," President Elect Barack Obama said when asked about laws being passed to outlaw sagging pants. I respectfully disagree, Obie One. I rather see young men busy trying to keep their pants up, their colorful underwear showing, than cracks showing over low slung jeans. We long ago crossed the line of decency. Slut is in. What does President Obama think...
Read full storyVatican demands Satanic Sluts exorcism
Vatican - (Holy Shit! Mess): The BBC's shambolic Russell Brand slag-shagging shame fiasco took a new twist this weekend with the Vatican urging an immediate exorcism of Georgina 'Satanic Sluts' Baillie. Pope Joe 'The Plumber' Ratzinger apparently...
Read full storyBritish economy is based on only £79, says Darling
As the top economic brains in the country try to put the crippled banking system back together again, the Chancellor has said that they are making good progress, using a state- of-the-art computer software model. A bewildered Alastair Darling sa...
Read full storyBob the Builder sues Obama
Bob the Builder, the children's cartoon character not to be confused with Joe the Plumber, is to sue President-Elect Barack Obama over use of his catchphrase "yes we can". A spokesman for Bob the Builder said "Bob is well known for saying 'can we...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus and Hannah Montana are the same person
Parents around the globe have been struggling to come to terms with the realization that Miley Cyrus and Hannah Montana are one and the same. For a few years now, parents have been duped into purchasing CD's, toys and plastic jewelry of both Miley...
Read full storyMark Cuban Buys The Chicago Cubs
CHICAGO, Illinois - After months of countless meetings and endless deliberations, Dallas Mavericks' owner Mark Cuban has finally purchased the Chicago Cubs. The selling price was not disclosed but Mark Cuban's personal secretary, Mitzi Backowitz t...
Read full storyBarack Obama says he would have voted for Miley Cyrus if she had ran
President elect, Barack Obama has told reporters that had pop singer Miley Cyrus been a candidate in this years elections she would have got his vote. "My wife and kids are big Hannah Montana fans and we own all Miley Cyrus' recordings", said Obam...
Read full story'Ain't nothin' but a hound dog' White House poodle parlor bitches reckon
Washington AC/DC - (Shaggy Dog Mess): "The whole country's goin' to the dogs!" according to White House poodle parlor wags after Barack Obama's promise of a hypo-allergenic fairtrade organic macro-biotic non-genetically modified bloodhound taking up...
Read full storyIt will be a great reunion - Shoe-me
After a much publicised insult by someone who is suspected to be his boyfriend, M Shoe-me has come forward with the olive branch saying that he holds no grudges against the man and that his relationship with Felipe Massa is fine. For the uninform...
Read full storyMost Haunted team to contact dead millionaires for advice
At a glittering promotional launch last night, screaming TV ghost-hunter Yvette Fielding announced that the next Most Haunted Live event will take place at the London headquarters of the Times. Looking nauseatingly green in front of a night-visi...
Read full story"Are debits different from credits?" Asks Darling
In a bizarre off-the-record interview last week, there are signs that Chancellor Alastair Darling may not be up to the job of running the British economy. In a casual chat with financial journalists, Mr Darling was asked if he was happy with the...
Read full storyTheSpoof.com CEO Mark Lowton Reports from Pattaya, Thailand
Pattaya, Thailand - Following his hasty and clandestine departure from TheSpoof.com headquarters in the UK, wunderkind CEO Mark Lowton has re-surfaced in Thailand. Rumours and speculation concerning Lowton have been rampant ever since he vacat...
Read full storyVery Elderly Woman Arrested For Copyright Piracy
Philadelphia PA-- Bertha Clarke, 98, was arrested yesterday for film piracy after an investigation by the FBI. The senior citizen was charged with unauthorized exhibition of a copyrighted DVD. She could receive five years in jail and a $250,000.00...
Read full storyBrand - Out of time
Famous Court Jester Russel Brand has claimed that he is the grandson of Amy Winehouse. The controversial thin legged entertainer said: 'It is true. I came here in a Delorean, that my good mate, Doc put a time machine into. I am here to stop a drea...
Read full storyObama Says He Won't Bail Out "Those Honky Carmakers"
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - President-elect Barack Obama said on Friday that there was no way his new government is going to bail out "those honky carmakers." The chief executives of GM, Ford Motor Co. and Chrysler had all been confident of billion...
Read full storyA Few Of The Most Absurd Ideas In The History Of Mankind
'I've got it, we'll invade Russia.' - Adolf Hitler. 'What about Sarah Palin as a running mate?' - ex Presidential Candidate John McCain, oven chip magnate. 'Hang on a sec Yoko, I'll just sign this autograph,' - John Lennon, Dakota Building, Central Park West, NYC. December 1980. 'What the FUCKING HELL'S TH...' The Mayor of Hyroshima, Japan, 1945. 'Ignore Solskjaer, he's not tall enough...
Read full storyBarack Obama apologizes to Nancy Reagan; Dionne Warwick and her "Psychic Friends Network" say they knew he would
Washington, D.C. - Hours after his first appearance as president-elect in which he made a passing reference to the Reagan administration consultation with astrology in the White House to make executive decisions, Barack Obama called Nancy Reagan to a...
Read full storyObamas Rescue Alaskan Wolf Pup from Palin Heliocopter Raid!
Sarah Palin returned to Alaska with so much rage about the "jerks"( her term) in the McCain campaign who labeled her a diva, a nutjob and a total ignoramus, that she immediately boarded a state heliocopter and set out to kill some wolves. The hunting...
Read full storyBush Stands in the Doorway of Hospitals for the Poor, Axe Handle Aready!
Worst President Ever GWB has begun his eleventh hour executive post election initiatives with an attack on the healthcare of the poorest Americans. As in the days of segregation when now infamous elected racists stood in the portals of institutions o...
Read full storyItalian PM Berlusconi Congratulates First Sicilian- American US President!
When Silvio Octaviano Berlusconi is not interviewing starlets on his now infamous casting couch reserved for "his girls", he is usually in court defending himself in one of the many hundred indictments the billionaire has had brought against him.
Read full storyRepublicant Politicians: America's new Hardcore Unemployed!
US Republicant politicians have been dropping like autumn's leaves this year, falling all across the country. At the same time American workers lie in jobless devastation in every state of the union. Statistics speak for themselves: 1.2 million...
Read full storyCarol Vaudeville Off Countabout's Pneumatic Tits Upset Students And Geeks
That good old British televisual staple for the benefit of the reasonably intelligent unemployed of the UK, or their similarly unemployed student counterparts was lambasted yesterday by the very people who have supported the show since the early Eigh...
Read full storySarah Palin Plans the Reunification of Africa
When VPILF-NOT Sarah Palin was informed that Africa is a continent , not a country, she seems to have found her new mission in life. Palin explained: "When I learned that Africa had split apart into many different tribes and countries, I just k...
Read full storyPalin Calls McCain and GOP 'A Bunch of Jerks'
ANCHORAGE (FMLiveWire) -- Alaska Governor Sarah Palin said Friday John McCain and the GOP were "a bunch of jerks" who pushed negative stories about her blaming her for the failed Republican election. Newsweek, Fox News and many other media report...
Read full storyRevived Reliant in shock bid for GM!
Plucky Reliant Motors, famous maker of "Delboys" motor,have announced through their bankers that they are bidding for the once mighty GM. Reliant, purchased from the receiver as recently as last wednesday by enterprising couple Brian and Winifrid...
Read full storyTaxes to be abolished for 20 minutes next Friday
Britain is gearing up for a mad "Supermarket Sweep" style bonanza next Friday, after the Government announced that all taxes would be abolished for 20 minutes - probably around 5.15 in the afternoon. Within that short timeframe, anyone being paid...
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