CEO Mark Lowton Reports from Pattaya, Thailand

Funny story written by David David

Saturday, 8 November 2008

image for CEO Mark Lowton Reports from Pattaya, Thailand
Thai ladyboy prepares to give CEO Mark Lowton stress-relief massage

Pattaya, Thailand - Following his hasty and clandestine departure from headquarters in the UK, wunderkind CEO Mark Lowton has re-surfaced in Thailand.

Rumours and speculation concerning Lowton have been rampant ever since he vacated his darkened cubby-cum-glory hole office at the sprawling corporate headquarters in Lancaster, England.

A heavily disguised Lowton and his five top scribblers were later spotted at Heathrow airport boarding a flight to Thailand.

We can now confirm that Mark Lowton is indeed in Pattaya, Thailand where he consented to an interview.

"Well, I had to leave headquarters in a rush," explained Lowton, sipping on a Mai Tai cocktail, "What with the credit crunch and all my online gambling debts and pay-for-view charges. The repo man was threatening to take my 1975 typewriter, and that would spell the end to as we know it."

"It was touch-and-go for awhile at the airport customs and immigration, as I was travelling on Gary Glitter's passport," revealed Mark Lowton. "But I was able to bribe them with some illegal downloads and a bottle of Scotch whisky and here I am."

Lowton confirmed that he is still CEO and Head Cheese at

"Everything's the same. We've just relocated our corporate offices here in Thailand, that's all," affirmed Lowton, instructing his Thai house boy to refresh his Mai Tai.

" readers can be assured of virtually the same level of wit, satire and parody as before," asserted Lowton. "I'm still at the helm, only instead of going into my dark and dank office in Lancaster for an hour a day, now I sit by the pool with my laptop here in Pattaya."

Lowton denied that he had brought any of his writing staff with him to Thailand. "No, those guys Buckwheatsbutt, queen mudder, monkey woods, Jalapenoman, and Pointer just helped me escape to the airport in a white van," confessed Lowton. "No way were they coming to Thailand with me."

"I'm a lone wolf," said Mark Lowton. "Now if you'll excuse me for about 20 minutes, I've got some work to do," he said with a wink, interrupting the interview to commence a total body massage from a Thai ladyboy.

The satire publishing world was quick to respond to the news that Mark Lowton was still CEO of and that it was business as usual for the top-rank website.

Second-ranking satire rag, The Onion, praised Lowton in an editorial. "The Onion is thrilled beyond belief to hear that Mark Lowton of is virtually alive and well in Thailand. Under Mark's leadership, has sunken to depths that rival even The Onion in poor taste and grammatical confusion."

Looking quite refreshed and relieved from his Thai massage, Mark Lowton concluded the interview with these remarks to his readership.

"Dear readers: If you ever find yourself in Pattaya, I heartily recommend the Mai Tai's and Thai ladyboys. But please don't worry, I've still got my lazy eye fixed on the ball, and this is not end-game for"

Lowton added, "Readers will still be titillated by great spoofs, and there will be a new array of hilarious and provocative Thai adverts adorning the pages at that we've pried off telephone booths."

" has been very, very good to me," slurred Mark Lowton, now pretty sloshed on his 12th Mai Tai before lunch.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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